


My Kind of Distraction

by TheCorkTree



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:48:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 55,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27816349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCorkTree/pseuds/TheCorkTree
Summary: "You really don't want to give me a chance, do you?" he says offering me a cigarette from his pack “You don't believe in fate Gerard? Because I believe in it a little and there will be a reason if we continue to meet, right? "I remain for a few seconds with my gaze fixed on the pack he is offering me, and then I mutter a "I don't smoke ..." under my breath, very unconvinced."As you want" he says with a little smile in his voice "but you haven't answered my question yet."
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 72
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm an Italian girl and this is my first story here on this website.  
> Indeed, I've published lots of frerard on the Italian fanfic website, but I've sadly noticed how this old site has been abandoned and now it is more desert than the desert itself, so I thought why not try to publish here? My English is not perfect, but I'm trying, so be kind if I write nonsense sentences, please! T-T  
> Hope you would like this story, don't know how many chapters this will take.  
> Love, Isa :*

I like my life, I have everything a twenty-year-old boy would like to have, perhaps even more.

I live in New York, the city loved and praised by so many people around the world, I come from a good and rich family, I never lack money and comfort of any kind, I live in an apartment in the center of New York, well furnished and equipped with every comfort, and I study theater in the prestigious Juilliard school, with excellent results among other things.

I am a rich boy who is trying to build his future with his strength and the help of his parents and I am really convinced that I do not miss anything, I think I have everything it is needed to be happy, as friends and love relationships have never been my field, so a good school and plenty of money are all I need.

I have never been able to establish good relationships with anyone, always pronounced the wrong phrase, always met people too distant from me in character and interests and always attached too quickly to those who wanted nothing more from me but a favor or spend some time just not to feel alone.

I am more than convinced that in life you need nothing but yourself and a good mind that works, even if my mother has always tried to convince me to find someone, friend or lover who was.

"Gerard people are not made to be alone" She used to tell me since I can remember, but I have never cared about her advice, since Gerard is just made to be alone.

I remember that when I was a child, around thirteen years old, I tried to became friend with a kid in my class and I remember that day when he asked me with a strange emotion in his voice, if I wanted to be his boyfriend.

From that day on I learnt how I didn't understand anything about relationships, first because that boy was a friend and nothing more to me, and second because I didn't want to appear _as 'the strange boy'_ , the one who arises labels on him and that would be remembered as the fag of the class, so that I had immediately cut off the relation with my friend and I had not told anyone about what happened.

I remember how bad I had felt after that day, I didn't understand how and why I gave that boy the impression that I could be something more than just a friend to him, and I also remember how much his tears after my drastic separation made me feel like a monster. So I convinced myself that I’m not made for relationships and the only thing that matters is taking good grades at school.

From then on I started to concentrate just on my studies, with no distractions in mind and with the only purpose of being remembered as an actor of a certain level.

I speak to people only if it strictly necessary and nothing more, since they are all a useless distraction factor and nothing more.

"Hey, do you know you can't sit here?"

For example today after class, I came across yet another stupid boy who mistakes the stairs of my school for a bench.

"Sorry honey, it's not really a good day ..."

It is not the first time that I start arguing with people who do not respect the rules, so I certainly do not give up and I get a little closer to that boy sitting with his back on the entrance stairs.

"These stairs are made for students who-"

"I don't think I'm big enough to block your way, or am I wrong?" He says with an annoyed tone in response, and then lights a cigarette and continues to sit comfortably on the step.

Perhaps one of the reasons why I have no friends is also my grumpy character, but on the other hand, people do everything they can to make me lose my temper.

“This is a private place. You can't stay here. " I say moving a little closer to him and placing a hand on his shoulder to attract his attention.

"Listen, if I told you not to annoy me-"

Just when he gets up and turns to me, he falls silent, so that for a moment I'm afraid he'll want to hit me and, again, it wouldn't be the first time I've been beat up from someone because of my nice temper.

"I-I'm Frank." He says after a few moments of unmotivated silence, extending his hand to me and staring at me with a look very similar to the one my thirteen-year-old friend had.

I frown in response. This was certainly not what I expected.

"I appreciate the fact that you finally got up, but I don't think I asked you what your name is." He replies with a big smile and comes a little closer to me. The situation is getting decidedly strange.

“I wanted to tell you my name anyway” he holds out his hand again “And what about you? What's your name?"

This is extremely wrong, I just want this Frank to get off the school stairs, I don't want to introduce myself, shake his hand, maybe even talk to him, and most importantly, I don't want him to stare at me with that look.

"Listen, I don't know what your problem is, but I don't know you and I don't want to-"

"I introduced myself on purpose to get to know each other honey!" he laughs after this observation "You know, normal people usually do this."

 _'Normal people'_ ... several times I have not felt like a normal person because of my reject of relationships and more people have already said this phrase to me.

"Well, I'm afraid I'm not normal, Frank ..." I say with a shy smile on my face and feeling like a bad person "Thanks for getting up, goodbye!" I finally say walking down the stairs and hoping in this way I can leave without him to talk to me again, but this immediately turns out to be wrong.

"Hey s-sorry!" he says, running down the stairs and standing in front of me "I didn't want to offend you, I just wanted to know your name, maybe get to know each other a little and have a chat, nothing so strange." The fact that he looks sorry for something that’s not his fault just makes my heart squeeze and almost makes me want to introduce myself for real.

"If I tell you my name will you let me go home?"

"It depends ..." He tells me with a thoughtful look and smiling at me for no reason, so that even if I am convinced at all, I squeeze his hand covered with tattoos.

"I'm Gerard." I say simply, but he seems to have liked this simple presentation quite a lot and immediately makes me regret doing it.

"And what are you studying here, Gerard?"

I knew it wouldn't end that easy.

"The deal was that you would leave me alone after I told you my name." I say with some disappointment in my voice, hoping to be able to get rid of this obstacle quickly and run home to have my lunch.

"Oh, how grumpy you are ..." he chuckles slightly "Well, I was just sitting on the steps, I didn't do-"

"Listen, in all honesty, I don't really care about meeting new people, so I would appreciate if you let me go home now."

My lack of friends is certainly linked to my character, I know it, but this Frank is really annoying and my patience has never been that much.

"As you want." He says shrugging and making a theatrical sign to show me the way.

I don't know why, but a strange feeling, immediately takes possession of my body after seeing this stranger step aside to let me pass.

“Umh thanks…! Goodbye Frank. " And I hurry down the stairs, not turning around and walking fast towards the metro.

This day has certainly been out of the ordinary and I have never loved anything that does not follow a standard trend, something that comes out of the routine, but who knows why, this time I feel less annoyed and angry than usual and more ... _sad._

_A silly little part of me hopes that the ‘goodbye Frank’ doesn't really come true._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m having a little problem with a word, since I really don’t know if “metro” is also an English word or if the right term is just “subway” or also I have some doubts about “underground” (???), so if you read metro and this is just an Italian word, traduce it with subway or whatever you prefer.  
> Hoping this chapter will have a logic and grammatical sense except that metro word, enjoy the reading!  
> Isa :*

This morning I did a lot of things.

I woke up early, perhaps too early, to be able to go to my favorite bakery not too far from my place and buy my favorite dessert, a chocolate cake with strawberries that they only prepare on Tuesday mornings.

I admit that this pastry shop has been my point of reference and joy for a long time, especially as soon as I moved here.

I am a person who, despite appearances, tends to feel a great anxiety when it comes to facing changes, and starting a new course of study along with the house changing, had destabilized me a lot.

_And what better remedy than food to drive away anxiety?_

After going to the bakery, I went home to have my big, long breakfast, then I went out and picked up the clean clothes from the laundry down the street. I'm an immensely lazy person and if it's not about studying and practicing acting, then I quickly get bored. This is the reason why I also went to the supermarket to buy already cooked meals for today’s lunch and for the dinner.

When I was at home everything was different, my mother used to cook and every dish was always delicious, but now in this home alone it is already a lot if I know how to put a pot of water on the stove to make pasta. Sometimes I really miss my old life, but just looking at how beautiful my new place is and how much freedom I have now, makes me change my mind immediately.

After doing all my errands, I then hurriedly walked towards the subway (?) to head to class.

Today I don't have many hours to attend and I would be lying if I said I'm not happy about it. I have been sleeping very badly lately, I always wake up with a start in the middle of the night with an overwhelming anxiety that grips my throat. This anxiety is called _"my father"_ and his last call in which he supported me, or rather attacked me, telling to do my best and don't even think about taking bad grades. I love my father and I could never waste all the money he’s spending in my new school, but I really wish I could sleep at night instead of studying until two and then wake up sweaty and out of breath ...

Today at least I know that the day will be quiet, we only have two hours of lecture from eleven to a quarter to one, so that maybe I could even take advantage of it and take a nap after lunch.

As soon as I leave the subway, I rush up the stairs, trying not to be overwhelmed by all the people who are going out into the open air, like me.

I head towards the usual pedestrian crossing, which will be followed by two other crossings and then I will arrive at school, a really short road after all, so that I decide not to run as soon as I see the traffic light turn orange, but I patiently wait for the next green.

Today, by the way, it is really cold, I tried to put on the heaviest sweater I have in my closet, the wooliest scarf that exists and a stupid military green cap, but despite this, I'm still dying of cold. I must look funny enough to other people, all dressed up and with a red nose from the cold, but after all, it’s not my fault if I’m this sensitive to cold!

"Good morning Gerard!" a slight chuckle "Let me guess… Are you cold?"

I immediately turn to the person who uttered this phrase and seeing the same guy I met just three days ago, makes me roll my eyes.

_Frank._

"Yeah ..." I just reply, since this stranger only bothers me and nothing more and since the last word I addressed to him was a fairly explicit _"goodbye"_.

"Are you still going to your very rich school that is not a bench?" He asks with a certain amused tone in his voice, and I curse the light for not hurrying to became green.

"Exactly." I answer dryly, just to not appear rude.

"You are always so excited to chatter a little ..." another laugh "See you Gerard, I think your goodbye has been useless after all and I have the feeling that we will see each other again!" and fortunately the light turns green.

I don't start walking immediately, but I stand still for a moment to see that guy walking past me and waving at me the hand that isn't holding what I assume is a guitar case.

I honestly do not understand what this Frank guy wants from me and why he does not give up, why he does not leave me alone and, above all, what he meant by that _"I have the feeling that we will see each other again"_ which I sincerely hope will never come true.

I snort and curse myself for saying my name to that silly boy, and then I start walking and crossing the street with the other people.

_I hate distractions, I hope I would never meet Frank and his silly smile again in the future!_

*********

_The day has started bad under many aspects_.

First of all, the house heating broke and the cold of mid-October froze me all night long.

Thanks to the unbearable cold, I slept all curled up in bed, covered with different layers of sweaters and woolen blankets, but this didn't help and I woke up with an impressive sore neck because of the cold.

I have also lost my usual morning metro that makes me arrive exactly three minutes early to class, so that I already know the good impression I will make when entering the class all hunched over with a sore neck and late.

Just to make the situation even worse, I also met all the red pedestrian crossings traffic lights, increasing my delay from ten to thirteen minutes and if there is one thing I hate it is arriving late for appointments, especially to lectures.

I practically start running as soon as the traffic light became green and I head as fast as I can to the school.

_Since I’m a perfect student, this delay of sixteen minutes doesn’t help my reputation..._

I still remember when I decided to come to study here and I also remember how at first it was not exactly my choice. Study is certainly my way, but perhaps theater is not, or rather it was not.

Since I was a child I have a passion for singing and I still remember my parents' reaction after I said them that I would have liked to enroll in a singing school.

"Don’t be stupid Gerard, what kind of future would you like to have by singing silly songs to people?" This statement might sound ridiculous, especially thinking about what I am studying right now, but the fact is that they are both huge theater fans and they have high hopes in me and in being able to see me acting for an important play in the future.

I appreciate theater, I have learned to love it, but several times I have found myself thinking _“what if…”_ and imagining myself in the role of a world-famous singer who’s singing along with his band for an audience of thousands of people.

One small deviation from my perfect and totally controlled life, just an innocent dream to fall asleep happily at night, nothing more.

"Good morning Gerard!"

When I am about to run up the stairs of my school with eighteen minutes of delay, I hear a voice greet me from behind.

_Frank._

“This is not the right moment at all! I'm super late and I can't increase it anymore!" I say with a vaguely opinionated tone, turning to him just for a second and thus having the opportunity to see that today instead of the case, he has a guitar with him and his usual smile to illuminate his face.

"Oh I just wanted to wish you a nice day!" And the fact that he seems true as he pronounces this sentence, leaves me confused and intrigued at the same time.

_Maybe I can increase my delay to twenty minutes…_

"What kind of guitar is it?" I ask going in his direction and bringing a hand towards his instrument.

"Do you like guitars?" He asks with a marked emotion in his voice, pulling it off his shoulder and handing it to me.

"N-No, I mean, yes and no ..." I say touching the ropes and losing a moment in my fantasy of being a famous singer with a band of my own.

"Sorry, what do you mean?" He rightly asks me, barely laughing and continuing to stare at me as I touch his beautiful guitar.

"Nothing, a stupid dream ..." I smile bitterly and quickly meet his gaze "It's a nice guitar" I finally add, then running up the stairs with my twenty-one minutes of delay and my stupid group fantasy well impressed in my mind.

"Maybe you could tell me about this stupid dream, honey!" he yells when I'm almost inside "Hi Gerard, hope your lesson would be nice!" I can hear before the door closes behind me.

I hate when these stupid and impossible thoughts of the band came to my mind during the day, because I have to keep my mind free from these useless distractions and just think about my studies, nothing more.

_Even If I have to admit that the guitar was really beautiful..._

I get lost in my mind and I start to make assumptions about why that boy carries a guitar with him, if therefore he studies music, if he had just bought it, if his parents support his passion, and if he is in a group or not...

I regret myself a little for having lost three precious minutes of lecture just to talk to that stupid boy, because this has, as I feared, distracted me from my goal even if for a short time and I hate when it happens.

 _"Maybe you could tell me about this stupid dream"_ but what does he was thinking about? Apart from his name I don’t know anything about him, not even how old he is, what his surname is, why he is in New York and, above all, what he wants from me.

Maybe just getting to know each other, become friends, after all there would be nothing wrong, apart from the fact that I don't need such a nonsense distraction like a friendship is, since not having friends means having more time and concentration to study.

_Stupid Frank and stupid guitar!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all, I’m so sorry about the grammar errors I made and I will probably make in the next chapters, but as I said before English is not my first language and so I’m struggling a little in order to write a decent story with the right verbs and different words to describe better what is happening.  
> I just ask you to let me know if you will read a sentence that makes you “WTF I’ve just read!?”, because I won’t be offended, you will just help me to learn better this language, since one of my desire is to maybe leave Italy in the future or, just like my sister says, “levare le tende!” since here in Italy I don’t know if I would like to spend my entire life.  
> Hope you will like also this chapter, love you.  
> Isa :*  
> (p.s. I'm publishing one chapter per day just because I've already written a part of this story in Italian, so I'm just translating it in English).

After that day and my embarrassing delay to class, I have never seen Frank again.

Honestly, it makes me feel more happy than sad, since I really don't care if I meet him or not.

I thought several times about how that third meeting had been very strange, both because of the guitar that just doesn't want to give me a break from all my thoughts, but above all because at that time in the morning in front of my school, there are none but students and, at this point I have to believe, _stalkers_.

I have no half measures, and that third meeting has been quite strange and unusual. Frank had come in front of my school just to see me again, there is no other explanation, but then I found myself wondering why he wanted to see me again with so much desire.

Five days have passed since then and I have not seen Frank yet, so the idea of the stalker is slowly becoming just a stupid fantasy.

Without him to distract me, I have more time to think about the theater lessons and therefore concentrate on them as much as I can.

At the end of December we will have a final show and I want to do my best, as both my parents and a large part of my family will be present in the audience. More than my mother's judgment, I'm worried about my father who, severe as always, wants me to only do my best.

"You always have to think about the goal you want to achieve and not get distracted by anything!"

He's used to tell me and maybe that's the reason why I'm so obsessed with doing everything perfectly without distractions of any kind.

I admit that maybe once, maybe two or even three times, I thought about what would have happened if I accepted that invitation from my thirteen year old friend, if I decided to really become his boyfriend, but every time the figure of my father repeating me his typical sentence immediately shows up to my mind, deleting all my fantasies.

_I'm not made for relationships, I just have to make my family proud of me._

For this reason, today I left the house early on purpose to come to school before the lessons will start, in order to talk to my professor about the final show. In fact, I want to convince him to give me the leading role even though the roles have not been assigned yet, because I know that I can do it and that I am the right person for that part.

As soon as I leave the subway, I immediately start walking towards my school and a strong smell of cigarette smoke hits me in the face. Unlike many people, I am not one of those who turns away with a disgusting look, but the exact opposite... I usually smell and enjoy that scent, which cannot be defined as a perfume for sure, but that I adore madly for some strange reason.

Several times I have wondered what it feels like to smoke a cigarette, if it really relaxes your nerves as people say, if it really drives away your thoughts, if-

"Good morning Gerard!"

My stupid fantasies about cigarettes are immediately stopped by a voice that I know too well, of a person who I unfortunately know well, and who happens to be exactly the owner of this cigarette that has distracted me once again.

 _Frank_.

_This time I'm not going to shut up._

"What do you want from me, uhm?" I say with a serious tone and crossing my arms over my chest as a sign of defiance.

In response he laughs as usual.

"Oh I'm certainly not the one who started sniffing around like a dog looking for, I suppose, this one!" He replies waving the much discussed cigarette in front of my eyes.

In response, I blush like an idiot, thinking about how stupid I have appeared while sniffing the air like a desperate one.

_Pathetic._

“Are you blushing? Is the tough guy who doesn't get distracted by anything and who doesn't let anyone intimidate him, blushing?"

No answer comes out of my mouth this time, since all I have obtained are just two redder cheeks and an attempt to escape as far as possible from this Frank guy.

After taking a few steps in the opposite direction, he shows in front of me and blocks my way, just as he did the first day we met.

"You really don't want to give me a chance, do you?" he says offering me a cigarette from his pack “You don't believe in fate Gerard? Because I believe in it a little and there will be a reason if we continue to meet, right?"

I remain for a few seconds with my gaze fixed on the pack he is offering me, and then I mutter a "I don't smoke ..." under my breath, very unconvinced.

"As you want" he says with a little smile in his voice "but you haven't answered my question yet."

"I believe that fate plays a very little role in these meetings, Frank." I say through gritted teeth and trying to keep the control of the situation.

"Oh, are you sure?" I nod decisively in response "So, the other day at the traffic lights, and also in front of your school when you were late, and even today, what is the reason of our meetings?"

I honestly don't want to waste anymore time with this guy, but I also know that if I don't face him now and I don't clarify the situation, then our " _meetings wanted by fate_ " won’t stop but they will only increase more and more.

"You're a stalker, that's all." I say severely, and the laugh that comes in response leaves me speechless and confused.

"Is this what you think of me?" I nod energetically "Oooh Gerard... that’s really the first time I've ever heard this bullshit!" and he keeps on laughing, like my words were just a joke to him and nothing more.

I look at him confusedly waiting for him to stop laughing, no longer worrying about my plan to get to class early, as _my distraction_ has totally caught my attention.

"Well, maybe because none have ever had the guts to tell you!" I say trying to defend my position.

"Have you ever wondered why I go around with this guitar?" I shake my head in response, even though I've actually asked myself why several times, and what he does next leaves me totally speechless.

"Follow me Gerard, and I'll show you how much of a stalker I am." He says gently taking my hand in his, clearly inviting me to follow him into the subway underpass.

"He-Hey what the hell are you doing!?" I say by promptly withdrawing my hand from his and staring at him like he’s crazy.

However, this time no answer comes out of his mouth, since he turns around and disappears with his guitar into the underpass, turning only once and gesturing at me asking to follow him.

A part of me screams at me to take advantage of the situation, turn around and go to school, but another and equally important part tells me to follow him, to understand why he doesn't consider himself a stalker, and most important thing, to understand what does he want from me.

It’s full of people going in and out of the subway after all, he won’t have the chance to kill me, or at least, it would be less likely to happen with so many people around, so I allow myself not to be the perfect guy and I decide to follow this boy.

After about twenty steps in the underpass, I hear the sound of a guitar echoing in the tunnel, accompanied by a voice and the words of "Losing my Religion" by R.E.M. that follow its rhythm.

I need to take just a few more steps to find myself in front of the figure of Frank who has started playing and singing that song in front of all the people passing by, with a white plastic cup in front of him.

Part of me would like not to believe him and think that this is just something he’s doing to build an alibi, but I fear that I have to give up on that idea and admit that this guy is anything but a danger to me.

The way he plays, his barely whiny voice, the expression he makes as his fingers touch the strings of the guitar, move something inside me and suddenly my repressed desire to be part of a group comes out.

_Does this guy live only with the money he gains from these performances, while I complain when I don't have a dollar to buy a coffee?_

A sensation of shame overwhelms me after having this thought, and a strange desire to apologize to him makes me get closer and closer to him.

_This Frank is everything that I will never be and that I foolishly never wanted to admit I wanted to be._

I let him finish playing the song and as soon as his smiling face meets mine, my eyes get wet with tears. I don't know if I am more embarrassed, impressed, envious or excited about the performance, but I just know that the tears start to run down my cheeks for no apparent reason.

"He-Hey Gerard, what's happening?" He asks, picking up his glass with six dollars in it and coming quickly to see if I’m okay.

"I'm sorry Frank... I'm just a spoiled rich guy, if I had known that you live like this, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have..."

"Gerard..." he touches my arm to try to catch my attention "I didn't ask you to listen to me playing to have your compassion or to get money from you, my life is fine, indeed I love it! I am free and I do exactly what I want to do, I just wanted you to understand that I am not a fucking stalker, but just a guy who likes to play his guitar in the subway underpass in the morning, and then move near to your stupid school and play there. I also have to tell you something more and maybe this could be considered as a request, but I would really like to have at least one friend in this big city and I believe that fate wanted us to meet for a reason..."

I wipe off a few tears from my face with the sleeve of my jacket and then I look up at his face, finding his usual reassuring smile to illuminate it.

"Can we introduce ourselves again…?" He asks me a little bit intimidated, and then extends his tattooed hand to me again waiting for a reply which comes immediately after.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Gerard Way, a rich guy and a bit of a dick who studies acting." I say laughing and admitting my defeat in front of this guy who could maybe become my friend for real.

"Nice to meet you Gerard!" he laughs in turn "My name is Frank Iero and I'm a guy who dreams of becoming a musician, a bit of a dick too, but at least I'm not a stalker!" And we shake hands.

_Maybe a single distraction won't put me too far from my plans, I don't think a single person can ever mess up my life so much, or am I wrong?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I admit that I really feel sorry for Frank in this chapter…  
> Hoping you will like it,  
> Isa :*

After that day, me and Frank haven't exactly become friends, I'm still a little bit reluctant in terms of relationships, but at least if I see him outside my school sitting on the steps waiting for me to have a chat, I don't get mad anymore and I happily talk with him.

Of course, it can’t be said that Frank does not catch everyone’s attention, with his unusual haircut consisting in a half blonde head with a black crest in the middle, piercings on the lip, nose and ears, tattoos almost everywhere and his bad habit of smoking whenever it is possible to do it.

_Frank is my opposite under many aspects._

Besides his physical aspect, even the character is totally different from mine and I still don't understand if this is something that attracts me or that doesn't interest me at all.

I can say that for now I’m just testing him but that yes, a friend could be something new to try and maybe also like.

Today after class, he asked me to go out with him to eat together during my lunch break but his slightly pink cheeks as he was asking me that yesterday, had intrigued me a lot ...

I know that he told me he was just looking for a friend to spend some time with, but it is also true that none would blush just from asking a friend out for lunch.

I'm okay with trying this new adventure of the friendship, but having someone who likes me even if I haven’t done anything to catch their attention, makes me feel quite anxious.

I also remember other episodes when the situation got a little more embarrassing than expected, for example when he asked me if we could go to my place and spend there the afternoon.

"I don't feel like taking the subway Frank, can we have a walk here instead?"

"Umh… yes, sure!" he answered me, with two red cheeks and an embarrassed smile.

I know that people are often looking for relationships different form a simple friendship and I also know how Frank's behavior seemed unusual since our first meeting, when he introduced himself with so much excitement and joy.

I obviously never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, since I’m always too busy thinking about my studies and my personal affairs, and just the idea of having made this type of impression on someone makes me go crazy. Frank is cute, of course, I can't say he's ugly, but now I want nothing more than a friend.

"Frank, do you like me?" And that is the reason why today, as we are walking in a tense silence towards the Subway down the street, I ask him this question.

"W-What do you mean Gerard!?"

This answer already makes me understand that something is wrong.  
"Well, I was just wondering, I don't think this is such a strange question." I try to defend myself in vain, suddenly stopping and waiting for his reply which comes immediately after.

“But… are you asking me this because… well… because do you like me a-and you want to be sure I like you too? Because if so, then-"

"You cannot answer a question with another question Frank!" I say with a little too much emphasis in the voice "Just answer me, please."

Even though we've known each other for three weeks now, I'm pretty sure that Frank likes me at least a little and I've spent a few evenings and sleepless nights thinking about it.

"Hey, don't be an asshole Gee Gee!" he says laughing hysterically "I don't know what to say..." and he goes on laughing hysterically.

"I take it as a yes then ..." I say trying not to show how much this "answer" is giving me anxiety. 

"Well Gee, to be honest ..." he scratches his head with embarrassment "... the first day we met, outside your school, I introduced myself so quickly because... well, because I believed and I still believe that I've never seen such a handsome guy in my entire life and yes, I wanted to flirt a little bit with you, but it seemed not to work." His cheeks are so red now that a tomato looks pale in comparison.

After this confession, I gulp in surprise and I start to stare at him with an anxious but also embarrassed look, hoping that he will say something else.

"B-But then I immediately gave up on this idea, don't worry!" he adds "I immediately understood that you didn’t feel the same, maybe he's not into guys I thought, or he already has a girlfriend or a boyfriend, maybe he's not looking for a relationship, but the fact is that in the end I thought that just having you as my friend would have been fine, I mean! It could it be perfect."

I honestly don't know what I could add to his confession, it's much worse than I could ever have imagined, because not only does he like me, but he wouldn't think twice about it if I ask him to be my boyfriend now.

"B-But we have met just three weeks ago..." I say in a whisper, blushing like a fool.

"Well Gee Gee, I think It was love at first sight..." He replies in a whisper too, and then he falls silent and lower his gaze to the ground.

_This is all so wrong!_

"Love at first sight...?"

"I think this bullshit exists after all, because otherwise I wouldn't know how to explain what I felt that day..."

_And that's just too much._

A feeling of unjustified anxiety after hearing this unexpected and unwanted statement, overwhelms me, making me turn around and start walking in the opposite direction from the Subway where we were going.

“N-No Gee…! God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, but you asked me and I- "

“Frank how the hell can you think that everything you said to me is normal? Love at first sight? Are you serious!?" I'm exasperated, I hate to appear rude, but this situation is absurd.

“I don't think I’ve said such a bad thing! I just said that I like you, what is the problem?”

“The problem is everything, Frank! And, oh God, you're a fucking stalker, you don't go around playing guitar, you just wanted me a-and no! I won’t play this game with you, I don't know what I was thinking about when I agreed to our... friendship? How should I call it!? " I am screaming, I am aware of it, but this new and totally absurd situation is not what I was looking for and I don’t want anything remotely close to a love story.

“Stop screaming, you moron! I wasn’t lying when I told you that I play guitar and also that I’m not a damn stalker. I just admitted that I like you, and this is your reaction?"

"You are crazy Frank ..."

“Look who’s talking! You, fucking sociopath!"

And what happens next is another thing that I didn't expect at all.

"F-Frank don't cry, please n-no-"

"Go fuck yourself Gerard!" And he walks past me, bumping my shoulder in the meanwhile and walking away in the direction we came from.

For some strange reason, all the anxiety and anger I was feeling before have now been replaced by a sensation of guilt that oppresses my chest and makes me feel like a monster.

_Gerard is not made for relationships, I always screw everything up, and the idea that I’m the reason why Frank is crying now makes me feel even worse._

He's right after all, he just told me he likes me, why did I react like that…? I'm the crazy one, I have something wrong and I don't think I'll ever be able to fix it.

I feel a few drops of rain wet my hair, so I pull my hood up and go back to class without food and without Frank by my side.

_I'm alone, and I think that's exactly how it should be..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was VERY hard to translate, because there are lots of conditional verbs and Gerard’s thoughts, but I still managed to do it (??).  
> I’m not sure at all about the grammar, but you already know that.  
> Also, I’m literally exhausted in these days, cause my new master university is soooo difficult and it requires me a lot, since all the lectures and group works are in English and, believe me, trying to understand neuroscience and that damn statistics is already difficult in Italian, in English is quite impossible.  
> Sorry for this blathering, I’m just really tired and anxious for the exams, but I really hope you will like also this chapter and my “exhausted translation” ahaha.  
> Love,  
> Isa :*  
> (p.s. next chapter will be the turning point of this story, if it can be called like that ahah.)

_"Frnk can you ever forgive me?"_

After that day, I thought about Frank every single moment and I tried to contact him to apologize.

_"I'm sorry frnk….. I'm just an asshole, I didn't mean what I said….."_

_"can we meet? I'd like to talk to you"_

_“Frnk I’m sorry!! I was upset, I don't know how to react to such situations!!! "_

_"I've never had a crush on anyone, I don't know how to behave in such situations!!"_

_"I'm really sorry, I wish I could go back in time..."_

_"You got a crush on the shittiest person in the world...."_

_"You have finally said something right !!!"_

He only answered to this last message but, after that, nothing.

I'm really miserable, I feel guilty and I can’t stop thinking about how much of a monster I’ve been that day.  
_This is just another proof of why relationships bring only distraction and pain and nothing more._

In these days, I have tried to concentrate and follow the lessons, but my mind is only full of guilt and Frank. I have thought a lot about whether or not it's a good thing that he likes me, and I finally came to the conclusion that there is exactly nothing wrong with someone that likes you, especially if this person is Frank, even though I don't like him in the way he means.

I don't want to trap myself like that in a relationship, love is something that binds you forever to someone and, even if he told me he has just a crush on me, his look and his cheeks always a little too red than normal, make me already think that he would probably fall in love with me soon.

It's the same story repeating itself, but now I'm not a thirteen years old boy anymore and I feel really miserable for making Frank believe that I could have been something more than just a friend.

_"Frankie, today I have lesson until 5 ... if you pass over there, please talk to me..."_

I don't really know what I do to guys, I don’t know why I always give them the wrong impression, making them believe that I'm okay to being in a relationship, but I just know that I'm sick of being the classic heartless bastard who only thinks about himself and destroys other people’s hearts.

Moreover, these days the sky is so gray and dark that it seems to make fun of me, looking like a perfect metaphor of my actual mood.

I don't know if I'm sadder because I hurt someone’s feelings again, or because I feel sorry for Frank and I miss him a lot, but this second option scares me a little, because I can’t understand why I feel so bad for an _"almost friend"_ I have known for such a short time.

I have often found myself thinking about how would it be to have a girlfriend, a boyfriend maybe, and I always come to the conclusion that it would just be a reason more to suffer and feel bad.

_Sometimes I would like to have the courage to fall in love, I was tempted in some occasions in the past, I could have tried it now with Frank, but the distraction would have been too big..._

Indeed, in these days I'm already anything but concentrated, cause I’m totally distracted by all these confusing thoughts about Frank and his silly smile that I have turned off like a light.

At the end of the lesson, I sadly noticed how I have payed attention to just like five minutes of it, so I leave school with my head down, not having received any reply from Frank and therefore having understood how he probably no longer wants to know anything about me.

I don't blame him, I've been an asshole to him, but I also know how at least seeing each other to say hello one last time would make me sleep better at night.

Frank used to wait for me on the school’s steps, but I don't see anyone besides students and professors.

“Ah Way! Come here, I have to tell you something."

Just when I am about to put on my headphones on and walk towards the subway, I hear the voice of my acting teacher calling me.

I don't really want to talk to him right now, but I'm afraid I have no choice.

"Tell me professor."

“First, I wanted to tell you that the lead role is yours! Indeed, I came to the conclusion that you are the most suitable for the role compared to your classmates."

I know that this news should fill me with joy, but at the moment nothing seems to be able to distract me from what happened the other day and from Frank’s tears...

“Oh that's great professor...! Thanks for the opportunity, it will be awesome and I can't wait to get started with rehearsals." I say trying to force myself to seem happy, but the doubtful expression of the professor makes me understand that I have failed.

“And then I'd also like to know if there’s something wrong…” he puts his hand on my shoulder “Is everything okay? Is there any class that is giving you a hard time? I no longer see you as happy and full of enthusiasm as you were at the beginning. If something is wrong, you can tell me Gerard, really."

Even if I know my professor's concern is legitimate, I don't really want to explain why I'm feeling and acting like this, also because I’m the first one who don't perfectly know why.

“Oh don't worry professor! It's just a period a little bit more stressful than usual, nothing special."

"Are you sure? Because if something is wrong, we can try to solve the problem together. You are one of our best students here, I care about you."

I honestly don't think he really cares about me, but more about my performance at the play of December, but certainly not about me and my feelings.

_I know how the world works, I wasn't born yesterday._

"Thank you professor, I appreciate the fact that-"

I immediately stop my flow of fake words when I notice Frank's sulky, folded-arms figure staring at me at the bottom of the stairs.

_This is my chance, I have to go._

"Thank you very much professor, I really appreciate that, see you tomorrow!" And I run down the stairs at full speed to meet him.

"Hey Frankie!" But, as I expected, I don't get any answer.

"Umh... how are you?"

"I'm sure you can do better than that, Gerard."

Crazy how the roles have changed and how now he is the one who behave in an acid and detached way. _If I usually behave like this too, then I am really unbearable._

"I-I'm sorry Frank... I don't know how to tell you, I didn't think you liked me so much and n-"

"Do you really think I'm so mad at you because you don't like me?" He interrupts me, raising his hand in order to block my stupid apologies.

I nod in response, obviously this is the reason, no?

"Oooh Gerard...!" he laughs forcefully "You're an idiot, you know?"

I am extremely confused.

"Umh... what's the reason then ...?"

"Maybe the fact that you yelled at me in the middle of the fucking street saying I'm not normal, even crazy, just because I'm human and I have feelings, and maybe because you still blamed me for being a stalker who lies just to stay close to you" he lowers his sad gaze to the ground “Maybe it hurts to hear a person for whom you thought you were becoming a friend says these things…" he adds then with a voice close to tears.

_Unable to bear the idea of seeing him cry for me again, I hug him._

This is something that I honestly didn't expect to do, something I've never done with anyone apart from my mother, but at the moment this is the only answer I have.

Fortunately, he doesn't reject me, but he hugs me tighter and he starts laughing, repeating a series of " _idiot_..." in a low voice that makes me smile too.

"I'm sorry Frankie... I'm a bit of a dick, I told you. The worst person to become friends with. "

"I agree with you" he says, loosening the embrace "But we can try to introduce ourselves for a third time, if you want" he adds then, moving his hands on his hips in a very theatrical way.

I honestly don't understand why he still wants to be give me another chance, why he wants to try to be my friend, because if I was him, I would have said goodbye.

"Why do you still want to waste your time with me...?" I ask him genuinely curious to know what his answer will be.

"You know Gee Gee, sometimes it can happen that it takes a little more time to get to know a person and, even if I can actually say hello and try to forget you, I have the feeling that we will meet again a thousand times..." he smiles at me "also I told you that I believe in bullshit like fate."

_Frank is without any doubt the biggest distraction I could run into, but now that we've come this far, it would be really hard for me to let him go as if nothing had happened between us._

For this reason, I offer him my hand for the third time.

"I'm Gerard Way and yes, I'm an insensitive asshole who is afraid of any type of relationship, but who is also starting to believe a little bit in fate and who wants to try to have a friend."

In response, he shakes my hand, and he adds:

"Hi Gerard Way, I'm Frank Iero, a silly boy who really believes in fate and who always fall for the wrong person, but I want to try to have a friend too, asshole or not that he is."

And then we start laughing like the two idiots we are, continuing to shake hands.

If I could go back in time, I don't think I would make this mad decision of isolating myself so much again, since not having even a friend to share the silliest episodes of your life is one of the worst thing ever.

"Can we have a dinner at that goddamn Subway even if it is very early now?"

"It seems perfect for me!"

But now that I've met Frank, I want to try to understand what does it mean to have someone who cares about you and who wants to spend time together, I want to try to take this risk.

_Obviously at the beginning it will be strange, since I think a crush takes a little longer than a few days to pass, but this kind of distraction that Frank is has totally captured my attention and curiosity, changing my whole life._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!  
> This chapter is the turning point I was talking about in the previous one and it is a little bit longer than the previous ones, but I always hope the translation will be at least decent ahaha.  
> Love,  
> Isa :*

Me and Frankie got to know each other soon, and even if we still had some awkward moments, things are going well.

For example, the kiss he gave me on the cheek the other day, just before I got into class, was totally wrong, but the next afternoon when we went to Starbucks and we talked all the time about our life before New York, it was quite right.

I discovered that Frank deliberately left home because he was not appreciated and accepted as he wanted by his parents.

“Gee Gee try to understand me! Being gay, a lover of tattoos, with this haircut, musical tastes that they consider questionable and also my beautiful habit of smoking, it was obvious that I would have to leave soon."

His family is very Christian and conservative, so they would never have allowed him to choice the life he is conducting now and that’s the reason why one night he had taken, or better to say stolen, some of their money and had left to find success in New York.

I really don't know where he found the courage to go away and leave his old house behind, as I discovered that Frank has the same age as me and he decided to leave his old life just because he was _"suffocated by too much Christianity"_ , as he once told me.

My parents are Christians too and I can easily relate a little to Frank and some of his thoughts, this is one of the few things we have in common perhaps, since my mother and especially my father are very religious and against tattoos, smoking, strange haircuts, homosexuality and questionable music tastes too.

_The difference is that Frank didn't give a damn about all the imposed prohibitions, while I let myself be totally overwhelmed by them..._

I also discovered that his biggest dream is to join a band, but I still haven't had the guts to tell him that this would be my biggest dream too.

“I can picture myself on a stage in front of thousands of people calling my name! Can you imagine it Gee?? It would be a dream…”

Indeed, I can imagine it very well, because I dream about myself on a stage in front of an euphoric audience every night.

"I like to sing."

I only admitted one day, and this revelation of mine seemed to have had a strange effect on him.

“Gee but that’s amazing!! You absolutely have to sing for me, please!"

But I don’t really think I'm going to sing for him now or even in the future. The small problem is that even if I dream of becoming famous, I hate it when someone hears me sing, which could be considered as a little counterproductive.

There is also another _small_ problem, which is that most of the songs I have learned since I was a kid have romantic lyrics, since they are songs from pop bands that my mother used to listen to and one of my favorites one has always been _"Superstar_ " by The Carpenters, but I don’t really feel like singing it to Frank, cause it would be a very bad idea… Indeed the song is about a famous musician on tour who misses his lover and no, I don't think it would be a good idea to sing it to Frank!

"Maybe later, okay?"

"Sooner or later you’ll sing for me honey ..."

_I dug my own grave._

I have learned to appreciate Frank and what does it mean to be his friend, forgetting about all the anxiety felt the day he admitted to have a crush on me, and understanding what does it mean to have a friend like him.

Sure, Frank is a great distraction, but I can't explain how nice it is to receive a message from him saying _“see you tomorrow? I have a lot of things to tell you gee gee!! "_.

The idea of having someone who can't wait to talk with me and who cares about me, is something that I had never experienced in my entire life and that is making me realize how beautiful and rewarding relationships can be.

Even the silly nickname _"Gee Gee"_ he uses to call me makes me feel special and appreciated, making me smile whenever he calls me like that.

I am becoming more and more attached to Frank, I already have been totally carried away by his energy and positivity, and I can’t give up on him.

Today we decided to go to the cinema after my lesson and I would lie if I said that I haven't spent the last twenty minutes of my lessons staring at the clock, hoping that time would pass more quickly.

When it finally ends, I rush out of the classroom, heading towards the step where I have seen _my favorite distraction_ for the first time.

When I notice his figure sitting on the steps, a spontaneous smile grows on my face.

“Hey Frankie! We have to go, or the movie will start and-what’s happening...?"

Instead of his typical smile to light up his face, I find a sad look and two eyes red with tears.

"It’s nothing Gee Gee... Let's go...!"

"No, we're not going anywhere!" I sit next to him "Tell me what's going on Frank..."

I hate to see him cry, it reminds me of that day when we had a fight and, although I know it's not my fault now, it still makes me feel somehow responsible for his tears.

"They evicted me..." he says while sobbing "I'm homeless..."

I have never wondered where Frank lived, simply because we have always had all of our meetings at Starbucks or in some other place where we can sit and talk about other things more interesting and exciting than his place.

I don’t really know why I didn’t ask him where he lives, since for a twenty-year-old boy who lives alone in a big city like New York is and with as little income as his, any rent is obviously huge.

"B-But where did you live Frankie...?"

I know this is the less appropriate moment to ask him this question, but maybe I can try to help him a little, economically speaking. After all, I never lack money.

"You don't really want to know Gee Gee..." He says in a whisper, curling up next to me and resting his head on my shoulder while keeping on crying.

This situation is totally out of my typical routine, something extraordinary, and I've never been good at handling unusual situations, especially when I have to cheer up someone!

"Why do you say that…?" I him ask hesitantly, putting an arm around his shoulders to try to calm him down a bit.

"B-Because I lived in a dirty and horrible room rented at a very low price ..." he admits "I don't even think the person that rented it to me was legal, b-but at least it was cheap, you know, I don't earn very much playing and singing around the city..."

The image of a Frank curled up on a dirty couch in a dark and cold room makes my heart tighten and moves something inside me that I didn't even think I had. I feel sad for him, almost guilty for not having showed any interest in his economic situation before, and also for not having thought that he was in financial difficulty.

_I feel like a big and useless idiot._

"Frankie..." I say holding him a little closer to me "Why didn't you tell me you were in so much trouble?"

"I thought I could do it ... I told myself that sooner or later someone would have noticed me and maybe asked me to play in a club, but life here is much more difficult than I thought..."  
I smile a little after this revelation, since it softens me to understand how small he still is, not that I am older than him of course, but all his naivety and positivity are as wonderful as childish.

“Frankie maybe you should look for another extra job while you get used to the city and wait for someone to notice you…” I feel him raise his head from my shoulder, sign that he's listening to me “For example, waiter in some bar? It's not so much, but at least are still money that- "

"Gee Gee can I move to your place?"

_And this request is as strange as legitimate._

Frank is my friend, or at least I think he is, I am his friend too and he’s homeless, in New York! It would be very mean to leave him alone on the street.

"N-Now!?"

In response, he laughs. At least he is no longer crying, so I did something good.

"Yes, you silly!" he blows his nose and wipes the tears from his face with the sleeve of his jacket "I swear I'll look for a job, even if I've already tried to look in the bars here in the area, but no work for me for now..." he takes my hands, probably to get my attention “So when I have money I'll pay you back. I eat very little, I'm short, I don't consume much, I promise I won't be a burden."

The most obvious answer would be _"yes"_ of course, but that would mean having Frank at home with me for who knows how long.

After all, we have recently become friends... Can I trust him? How could a "forced" coexistence between us evolve?

"You don't want to leave me in the middle of the road!" he says with a shy laugh "Y-You don't, right...?" and then he asks me this last question with a hint of terror in his voice.

Of course I don't want to, but I also don't want to have a roommate to share the bathroom and the closet with, someone who could potentially see me when I get out of the shower.

"It's okay Gee... I can understand if you don't want to..."

_But what am I thinking about??_

"Of course you can move to my place Frank, I won't leave you in the middle of the road." And in response, I get an unwanted kiss on the cheek.

_This must never happen again..._

"Frank." I say in a serious voice, as I usually do after such episodes happen.

“Sorry Gee Gee! I promise you I won't do it again, I'm just so happy and relieved!"

I don't know how smart this choice of mine can be considered, since both me and obviously Frank know that his crush has not passed yet... The fact is, that Frank has changed something in me and now I'm starting to get interested in people, especially him.

"We have to set some rules though."

"Sure!"

I think it will be really difficult to make him respect any kind of rule, since Frank and rules are two things that don't get along very well…

"So, first of all, you will sleep on the sofa, the one in the living room, and you will never have to come to my room, is it clear?" I really want to make this point clear, since I want him to understand how I host him just because I can't stand the idea of him alone on the streets of New York, but my room is off limits both during the day and, above all, during the night.

"Oh I’m not sure at all I can keep this promise Gee Gee..." He replies with a smirk that doesn't bode well.

_I blush thinking about the scene._

“I was joking, you idiot! Do you really think I can crash into your room in the middle of the night? I'm not stupid Gerard, I know what privacy is."

He says with fake arrogance in his voice, acting as if he was the mature one between us.

In response, I roll my eyes with, anyway, a smile on my face, and I continue to expose my rules.

"Then, we have to set up shifts for the bathroom, and I would say that-"

"Or we could optimize the time, maybe while you're shaving, assuming you do that, I can take a shower."  
I know he's still kidding, I know he would never do such a thing but, for some reason, I can't avoid my cheeks from turning red again.

“Gerard… Are you really blushing again? It's too easy, I didn't think you were such an embarrassing type!"

This time, I don’t say anything in response, since the image of Frank taking a shower while I shave is literally freaking me out.

“Well, if you're done with your stupid rules, I'd love to go to your house now, or better to say, our house!” he says with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen “So you can show me how it is."

And without waiting for my answer, he rushes to take his guitar and the few luggage he has, starting to walk down the stairs.

The sad truth is that I haven't exposed anything, since the two things I’ve said weren’t taken seriously, so I think that the situation will be tough, especially in the beginning.

“Come on Gee Gee! Let’s go!"

_This new situation is literally beyond my expectations..._

It seem like the well-known fate is screaming me to become friend with Frank and now I can't avoid it anymore, since even if I don't like relationships, I'm not a piece of shit that would leave a guy alone in New York at night, and also because I'm damn curious to find out what kind of person Frank is.

_I’m now sure that I couldn’t have found a greater distraction than him even looking around the whole world._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,  
> yesterday I haven’t published the chapter, since I had lectures from 10am to 6pm and I was a little bit tired…  
> I also have to tell you that from now on I won’t update every day anymore, because I have to finish some projects for the university and I also have an 'awesome' assignment of neuroanatomy due to the next week…!  
> I will upload the next chapter as soon as possible, I promise.  
> Love,  
> Isa :*  
> (p.s. I translated the chapter this night at 1am while I was fangirling over Frank’s video and new photos of him with his damn blonde hair so, even if I revised the chapter this morning, if you find errors, you know who to blame!!)

The first few days have been... _strange_.

Frank immediately got used to the house, he put all of his clothes in the closet and he definitely never felt embarrassed…

For example, one morning he had unintentionally left, or at least I hope it was like that, his dirty underwear in the bathroom, forcing me to take them and put them, with the biggest embarrassment ever felt in my entire life, in the washing machine.

Another morning he came out of the shower with a towel around his waist and decided to have his breakfast in this way.

"Uhm... Frank, maybe you should get dressed... You know, it's cold."

“You should have felt how cold my old house was! I feel so warm here Gee Gee."

_He has always the right thing to say for every occasion..._

This was certainly not how I expected to spend my first year of studies in a new city and it was certainly not my intention to make friends with such a particular boy.

“I don't like you anymore Gee Gee, don't worry! Even if I see you in underwear, nothing will happen!"

One night, after I went to bed in my "pajamas" that consists in wearing just my underwear, I decided to quickly go to the kitchen to get a glass of water, believing that Frank was asleep…

"Gerard... it's like you're wearing a bathing suit, you don't always need to blush..."

_…but I was so wrong._

"H-How can you know I've blushed... ?!"

"Because I know you, idiot."

The fact is that he doesn't lie when he says he knows me, and this scares me a little.

Frank has already understood a lot of things about me and I don't know if it's because I have an empty and ordinary personality, or because he's just a good observer.

If I have to be honest, his " _I don't like you anymore"_ hurts me a little with no reason and this is another thing to which I don't know what meaning I should attribute. I liked the idea of Frank having a crush on me, it gave me some kind of confidence in my physical beauty, since my character is crap and Frank’s “old” crush could only be related to my body appearance.

I am not beautiful, I have never thought that, but neither am I ugly, even if now that I know Frank doesn’t like me anymore, I feel a little uglier than before.

"Well, I-I'm not red, Frank."

"As you want princess..." He told me in the end, turning on the other side and thus leaving me the time to take _my shameful glass of water_ in peace.

I admit that the fact of Frank sleeping on the sofa isn’t so wonderful, because in the same room there are also the stove, the dining table and, most important, the fridge. This makes me a little more uncomfortable than I expected, since I can't even have a midnight snack without feeling judged and without waking him up.

“I can hear you eating Gee Gee…”

“What the hell Frank! Go to sleep!" Frank is a particularly light sleeper and even the slightest noise wakes him up, so he’s always ready to judge my night snacks and he’s also ready to get out of bed and sit on the table, staring at me with that sleepy look of his, while he steals some of my food.

"You judge me, but in the end who ate all the cookies?"

"If I get fat it will only be your fault..."

He’s used to say me, and then he usually makes me a silly face while he goes back to bed.

I think this coexistence is not an absolute disaster as I had planned, since we have already been living under the same roof for two weeks and for now I have never had the temptation to kick him out.

Only a couple of times I lost my temper, or at least I have been annoyed by his behavior, for example this usually happens when he lies comfortably in bed and shows no signs of wanting to help me cook something for dinner, or when he doesn’t try to find a job worthy of this name.

“Gee is useless! I can’t find a job, there are none, especially not for me..."

Even today, after an hour and a half spent looking for announcements of possible jobs on the newspapers and on internet, he concluded his research by closing the computer with a sad face and these words.

“You just have to look better Frankie! Don't give up."

"It's useless…"

"Are you sure you’re looking in the right websites?" I ask him spontaneously, because even if I have never personally helped him to look for a job, I really care about this aspect of his life.

“Yes, I'm sure! What do you think? That I’m stupid?"

I know that when it comes to this topic he usually gets easily angry, but it is also true that sooner or later my parents will understand that something isn’t right, as my weekly request of money has definitively increased...

Frank may be small, but I don't feel like giving him little to eat, so that for each meal the portions have doubled and if he could find a job, then it would be a really good thing.

"Frankie I don't think you're stupid, I just-"

“You just think so, Gerard! Say it, I know you believe it! Everyone believes it!"

And after that, he jumps to his feet and goes to close himself in the bathroom.

This reaction is totally new and exaggerated, I have never seen him so angry before, so that I immediately understand that something is wrong. Frank is really different from me, especially regarding the character, but this reaction is strange even for him.

So I decide to go to see what happened.

"Frank?" I ask him as I approach the bathroom door knocking softly.

"Frankie...?" I knock with a little more insistence, but still no response.

"Frank, it wasn’t my intent to attack you... I was just wondering if you were looking in the right websites, you know, it's not easy to find a job in such a big and messy city as New York is, even if you might think otherwise."

But again, no response.

So I decide to go inside to see with my own eyes what is happening and, as soon as I open the door, an involuntarily smile lights my face.

He is sitting in the bathtub, curled up as he hugs his knees to his chest with a baby pout on his face.

"Hey..." I sit next to him outside the tub "Can I know what's going on?"

"You are right, all of you are, and I feel like an idiot!" He finally blurts out, intensifying his pout and doing everything he can not to meet my eyes.

I continue to smile.

“Who is right Frankie? You said ‘ _all of you are’_ , but who are you referring to?"

"You really didn't get it?" He asks me with a bitter smile on his face and, although I hate when I don’t immediately understand what’s going on, I have to answer him "no".

"My parents. They kept telling me that I would never make it, they looked at me with that same smile of yours, telling me that I was acting like a child and that alone in New York I would not last more than a week... " he sighs "... and understanding that they were right destroys me. I lasted a little longer, but guess who is homeless, without money and also work now?"

His words are true, but unfortunately I don't know how to cheer him up, since I don't know his parents but yes, they were right.

Frank acted very impulsively when he decided to come here to New York and, if he hadn't met anyone, he'd be on some bench sleeping on the street now.

“Think that at least you are not alone Frank, that you still have a house where you can stay and, most important thing, where to sleep at night. Forget what your parents said, the important thing is that now you are not alone."

"Yes, but the point is another one Gee Gee!" he turns to me and, finally, looks into my eyes "I have failed, and I am failing even now, because I am shamelessly stuck in your house, in the house of a boy I have known for so little and that I forced into a friendship... " he lowers his eyes with a sad expression on his face “Y-You didn't want to know anything about me from the start, but I kept trying and trying because I felt fucking alone and I met you too many times to be able to let you go and I forced you into this friendship that you didn't want and now I'm even in your house and I'm really pathetic and- "

"Frankie stop!" I bring both my hands to his shoulders in order to stop his rant, unable to hold back a small laugh in the meanwhile.

"You are not a failure, you only have a dream, this does not mean that you have failed!" I say really convinced of my words "And then you don't have to believe that I felt forced to host you, I just wanted to do it and that's it" and then I add this sentence of which I am not convinced at all.

Indeed, it is true that Frank forced me a little into this friendship, but after all I did not pull back despite I had lots of opportunities to do so. There is something about him that attracts me, like a magnet, and that makes me want to get to know him better with every passing day.

Of course, it is not very common to host someone you have known for a month, but the more I think about this decision I have taken, the more I am convinced that it was the right choice.

"I don't believe you Gee... I know you didn't want to host me and first of all I know that you didn't want friends, you didn't want me as a friend... You made me understand it very well..."

This sentence leaves me a bit confused, since I don't understand how and when I gave him this idea and, above all, how he managed to understand something that is not even clear to me.

"Let's suppose that maybe in the beginning I felt a little bit surprised by you and all this unjustified interest in me, but do you really believe that if I had wanted to, I would not have said goodbye you and left you forever?"

He shakes his head in response.

"Frank... I have a shitty character, I think you have understood it by now, do you really believe that I would have put up with you all this time? It takes me two seconds to say goodbye to people, believe me, I'm very good at it and the idea doesn't even hurt me!"

"So why didn't you do it to me too?"

To be honest, I don't think I have an answer to that question, I don't even think I know why I allowed Frank to be my friend, or maybe, I just don't want to admit it…

"Maybe I was just tired of being alone all the time, and even if I have to admit that I didn't expect things to go this way, I thought it was time to try having a friend." I say then to my biggest surprise, since this is the first time I’ve finally found the courage to admit that being alone is not as nice as I had forced myself to believe.

"But this is true love Gee Gee!" Of course Frank always finds a way to lighten a situation when it gets too awkward for me, so I answer to this stupid sentence of his with a laugh and pushing him a little.

"Consider yourself lucky, you are the first one who came to this house and to whom I grant the honor of becoming my friend." I reply with a fake air of superiority to mock him a little.

"This is true love for sure, honey!" He says again, standing up in the tub and extending a hand to make me stand up in my turn.

"Do not joke with me, Frank ..." I say with anything but seriousness in my voice and grabbing his hand to stand up "And now we go in the living room and we look for a job together, okay?"

"Anything you want, princess!" He says, and then he gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and walks towards the living room.

"Stop calling me like that, Frank!" But I know it's useless, since Frank loves to make fun of me and embarrass me a little more than he should.

_However, I am beginning to appreciate his attitude and manners, and with each passing day, I am more and more convinced that allowing him to become my friend was one of the best choices I ever made in my life._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,  
> I managed to translate also this chapter since today we had a review lesson and apparently, I know more than I thought, so this reassured me a lot.  
> Hope you will like also this chapter and, if you want to, please let me know your impression about this damn make up thing that my chem have made… I’m shocked and a little bit sad to be honest, but whatever.  
> Love you all,  
> Isa :*

"Way, you have to prove to me that you have deserved this part, and I don't think you’re doing it to be honest!"

_Today was a very awful day..._

The rehearsals for the December’s play have begun and all the confidence I had in my acting skills, has rapidly disappeared.

I wish I could find something or someone to blame for my failure, and while blaming Frank would be the easiest choice to make, I really don't want to blame him for this.

It is true that Frank is distracting me from my studies quite a lot, but it is also true that most of the time he is not even involved in first person in my distraction.

"What are you thinking about Gee Gee?"

Several times in the evening, while we were sitting on the sofa, he asked me this question after noticing me stare blankly at the sheets with my part for the play written on them.

I am absolutely distracted in this period as it had never happened in my entire life, I sleep badly at night and the anxiety of my future failure at the play makes me feel even worse.

“I'm so useless Frank… The play will be a disaster!”

One night I finally admitted what was giving me so much to think about.

“This is absolutely not true! Stop pushing yourself down!" He promptly replied, trying to distract me from my self-pity with jokes, funny stories about his past and trying to make me laugh in every way possible.

_Frank is turning out to be the exact opposite of a distraction, as he is my only source of joy in this stressful and bad time of my life._

I'm getting very attached to him and all his little strangeness and peculiarities, and now I can't go on without him anymore.

I still remember when I finally helped him to find a decent job, which in the end is a takeaway assistant in a pizzeria not far from home, and I also remember when one evening, not seeing him come home, I have felt so anxious and worried.

"Did you order these two pizzas, princess?

But I also surely remember how relieved I was when I found him behind the door with his uniform still on and two pizzas with him for our dinner.

I also remember how embarrassed I felt when, on one boring and rainy Sunday afternoon, he forced me to dance with him to all the stupid pop songs on the radio.

“You need to have more fun Gee Gee! Don't take everything so seriously!" He had told me when we then fell back out of breath on his unmade “bed”, laughing like two little kids.

I don't think I ever had so much fun before meeting Frank, but unfortunately today, after hearing these news from my professor, I don't think he will be able to cheer me up.

I really care a lot about this play, or better to say, I really care about making a good impression to my parents, but at this point I see nothing but a big failure waiting for me.

_I'm distracted, but it's not Frank’s fault, and that's the only thing I’m sure about._

I have always tried to force myself not to establish relationships with anyone to avoid distractions, but thinking about it now and understanding that at the age of twenty years I never had a friend just because of myself and my bad character, makes me feel deeply ashamed of myself and makes me feel wrong, a fool.

_These thoughts don’t give me peace, this is my distraction, and I fear that this feeling of discomfort I feel will not pass very soon._

"Gee Gee, are you pouting again?"

After receiving the good news from my acting teacher, I dragged myself home, where a uniformed Frank with his usual smile opened me the door with two pizzas, like it happens frequently in this period.

"Today was not a good day Frankie ..." I reply with a shy smile "But thanks for the pizza, maybe I'll eat it later" I finally add, and then I close the door behind me.

"Hey... What happened? Can we talk about it?"

It is understandable that he wants to know, as I have discovered that Frank is a very curious boy, but I honestly don’t feel like sharing my misadventures and failures with him.

I shake my head in response.

"Oh well, then you will at least do me the favor to put on your pajamas, coming back here and sit on the sofa with me where we’re going to eat pizza while we watch some stupid cooking show on TV, and I don’t accept a no!"

I smile, this time a little more convinced than before, and I obey instantly.

Even if I don't think Frank will manage to cheer me up this time, I still go to put on my pajamas, as he told me. However, as my eyes move to the reflection in the bathroom mirror, a feeling of disgust immediately overwhelms me.

I can't help but believe that there is something wrong with me, first of all with my family, which has always imposed me all these stupid ideas and obligations, and realizing it just now after having decided to don’t give a damn about my father's rules and finally have a friend, makes me feel so stupid.

I learned to accept the idea of becoming an actor and not a singer, but I can't bear how passively I have always accepted all the obligations imposed to me.

_I became such an unpleasant and annoying person, what happened to me?_

A couple of tears run down my cheeks after these thoughts. I also quickly wipe away the other silly tears on my face and, even before putting on my pajamas consisting in a underwear and a T-shirt, I feel the uncontrollable need to want to hug Frank.

"Gee Gee you haven't put your pajamas on yet- Hey... come here."

_And that's why I rush out the bathroom and I decide to hug him tight._

"Thanks Frank for having forced me to become your friend..."

He laughs after hearing this sentence of mine.

"Well, like that it doesn't seem like something to thank me for" he loosens the embrace and lifts my chin to make our eyes meet "Would you please explain to me what's happening?"

I don't even know what is happening if I have to be honest, I would love to understand it, but I still try to give him some kind of explanation.

"Today was a shitty day, one like many others, it's not the first time this happened to me, sure, but thinking about the fact that I've never had a friend before you, makes me feel like a big idiot and it worsen my already horrible mood." I look down and I stare at my feet, hoping with all my heart that Frank will find a few words to say and therefore won't let me continue with my useless explanation on how I still haven’t learned how to manage relationships with others.

"Gee can I ask you what kind of relationship do you have with yours parents?"

I frown after hearing this sentence. This was certainly not the type of response I was thinking about.

"Why are you asking me that?"

He smiles at me sweetly and takes my hand, inviting me to sit with him on the sofa where he usually sleeps.

"Because it could be that before leaving my house and coming here to New York, I was enrolled in the psychology university, and it could also be that one of the few notions I have learned in my very short period spent following classes, is about parental attachment and how they can influence their children's future relational life."

Frank has told me many stories about his past, he told me about his first boyfriend, about his tough time in high school spent locked between a locker and the other due to his easily teasing sexuality and his short stature, he even told me about that time when his mother caught him smoking a joint on the balcony of his bedroom, but he never told me anything about his time spent at university, even if it was short.

"Really…?" I then ask him in disbelief, not understanding if it is a joke or the reality.

He laughs again in response.

"Don't I look mature enough to be able to be enrolled in university?" he says nudging me on the arm "Yes, really, and your refusal and fear of establishing every kind of relationship with someone are clearly symptoms of an unsafe attachment to your parents, an unhealthy attachment, so I repeat my question and I ask you what kind of relationship do you have with them”.

My answer arrives immediately after, since it is too easy to understand what kind of attachment I have with my parents...

"It is awful " I laugh nervously "or rather, not healthy for sure. I've always felt pressured to behave in a certain way and - what are you doing?"

"I smoke a cigarette" he replies as if it were the most normal thing in the world to smoke in someone's house without asking for permission "You can continue with your story though."

"Sorry, but what if I don't want you to do that or if it bothers me?"

"Oooh Gerard do I really have to remind you how during one of our first meetings wanted by fate, you were sniffing around like a damn dog to find where the smell of smoke came from?"

I blush thinking about how embarrassing that scene had been.

"Yes but n-"

"If you want you can smoke one too." He says handing me a cigarette, even though I absolutely didn't ask him to give me one.

Pushed by some strange and absurd instinct, I then decide to yield to temptation and smoke a cigarette in my turn, thus going against any anti-smoking teaching given by my parents.

"Well done, my sweet princess!" he cheerfully says while lighting the cigarette that I have between my lips "It may be that at first you will cough a bit" he adds, and then lights his own too.

"You're a bad influence Frank..." I mutter under my breath, trying not to cough and feeling the smoke enter in my body and immediately go to my head.

It's a weird feeling, not bad for sure, but I don't think I'll want to try again in the future, after all smoking is bad, everyone knows, but now I'm just emotionally heartbroken so this cigarette doesn't even count.

"But you adore me!" he says standing up and taking a glass for our cigs’ ash "Go on with your speech Gee Gee, please."

_And so I listen to him and I continue with my sad story._

"I've always felt pushed to behave in a certain way, in their opinion I just have to be successful in my studies and not disappoint them, not disappoint my father above all, so I must not have distractions..." I inhale another puff of smoke "...and I've always tried to please their expectations and not to disappoint them, you know, my father is quite strict, every bad grade I took when I was in high school has always been accompanied by a week of punishment and practically without food. I have never felt free to break even the smallest of the rules, such as having a beer in the evening or things like that." I conclude, continuing to smoke my cigarette which I’m starting to like a little more than I should.

"This is not a good relationship at all..." he puts his arm around my shoulders and squeezes me a little "I'm so sorry Gee, now I understand why you were so strange at first, I mean, why you seemed so annoyed and a little bit rude."

I shrug in response and I mumble a " _it doesn't matter_ " under my breath, as I am used to my family and it doesn't seem so absurd anymore.

"It means that I will have to make you do a lot of things not approved by your parents, you have had a life way too serious!"

I laugh in response, turning to him and suddenly feeling less sad and more curious to know what plans he has in mind.

“And what are you thinking about, mh?”

"Well, first of all, I made you try to smoke and this is already a goal!" he stands up quickly and offers me a hand to invite me to do the same "Then I would say that you must absolutely get drunk, at least once in your life you have to drink until you feel like vomiting and I do not accept a no!"

I laugh in response.

“And how do you know that I want to get drunk? I don’t even have a single alcoholic drink at home."

"Yes, but you have me at home..." He says in a low tone of voice, winking at me and going to get his coat.

"Frank, what are you doing?"

"You just have to make yourself comfortable, put on your pajamas, or possibly stay in your underwear so I will already have an excuse to embarrass you, and I'll go to get what we need for tonight."

I just blush, for no apparent reason, as I think about the look he gave me while he asked me to stay in my underwear. If there is one thing I absolutely do not want to do, it is to stay in my underwear with a drunk Frank at home.

"I'm not going to get drunk Frank!" He comes towards me and puts a finger on my lips to silence me.

" _Your favorite distraction_ told you that tonight we will get drunk and, believe me, you don't have many choices but to listen to me..." he takes the house keys and puts them in his pocket "Pajamas, pizzas and if possible choose some good music. Tonight we will have fun Gee Gee and, who knows, maybe I'll even be able to make you sing!" and he leaves the house.

I don’t think there’s a problem in trying to distract myself a little from this terrible day, I don't even see why I can't have some fun with Frank, my only friend, but I see a lot of good reasons not to get drunk home alone with him...

I go to put on a pajama, so pants and a t-shirt and, against all my expectations, I find myself smiling despite all the things that are gone wrong today.

_My favorite distraction of all is turning out to be the best surprise I've ever had in my life._


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,
> 
> I’ve managed to write my neuroanatomy assignment and I’m also quite proud of it.  
> I have to tell you that this is the last chapter I have written before, and so I don’t have anything to translate, but I just have to write the rest of the story. I think this means that maybe you have to wait a little more for the next chapter, but not too much since I have the whole story well impressed in my stupid mind.  
> Love you all,  
> Isa :*

_And in the end we got drunk for real..._

I don't have a lot of clear memories from that night, but I just know that we got drunk and that at some point, Frank almost managed to convince me to take off my shirt.

“Gee since when are you wearing pajamas? I'm not going to do anything, don't worry!"

But fortunately my drunk mind still had some control on my actions and forced me not to listen to him.

At some point, I also confusedly remember a question that he asked me and that even now, after three days from our alcohol party, is giving me anxiety.

"I bet you stole a lot of hearts Gee Gee... how many boys have you kissed so far?"

This sentence is wrong under many aspects, firstly because I don't understand why he explicitly said "boys" and not "girls", so I convinced myself that I have a _gay face_ , assuming that such a thing could exist. I don't know what my sexual orientation is, I've never wondered about my sexuality simply because I don't care about love, but I know that my parents would never accept the idea of having a gay son, so the choice is a bit forced.

Secondly, I can’t understand why I gave him the impression of being a heart-stealer, someone who makes people fall in love with him, since I'm not so beautiful. I have no muscles, but I have a little bit of fat on my belly perhaps, I am not tall, I don’t have a perfectly defined jaw or cheekbones, so I really doubt I stole anyone's heart, obviously leaving out my thirteen year old friend and Frank.

The third and last thing that still makes me anxious and that makes me sleep so bad at night, is that _"how many boys have you kissed so far?",_ since the answer to this question is obviously zero...

I haven't felt like admitting how sad my life is and how much boring my teens years have been, since during my adolescence I didn't do anything exciting. I have always followed my parents' rules, always been the ideal and perfect son, but Frank with one sentence alone made me realize how many chances and opportunities that only come once in a lifetime I have wasted.

"Umh... I-I don't know..."

I had then muttered in response, blushing profusely and getting a laugh in response.

“I have kissed five guys… six, perhaps!"

And this sentence of his had done nothing but make me feel even more useless and stupid.

_Frank is the adolescence that I never had, maybe he wasn't lying when he said me about all those nonsense fate things, and also about the fact that we met for a specific reason._

I also remember that in the end, too tired and drunk to be able to go to our respective beds, we practically fell asleep on top of each other on the sofa.

"If you only knew how much I like you Gee Gee..."

This is the strangest and at the same time more alarming thing that happened that night perhaps, as I'm not exactly sure that it actually happened, since he hypothetically made this revelation when I was about to fall asleep.

"Sweet dreams, honey..."

And I’m also not totally sure about the hypothetical kiss that he gave me later, considering the fact that the next morning he had denied all my suppositions.

“What are you talking about Gee! I would never kiss you, I know you don't want it... right? I also don’t like you anymore!"

However, his revelation did not convince me at all, so that from now on getting drunk together is absolutely forbidden, or better to say that simply getting drunk it is.

I remember how the next morning in class I spend the whole lesson with a pounding headache, not understanding anything of the discourse my professor was making and feeling on another planet.

In that moment, I admit I still thought that Frank was just a big distraction, as I didn't take any notes that day and rehearsals went worse than usual...

“Way, what's going on today? You seem drunk!"

I wanted to admit my guilt so bad, so that at least I would have had a justification for my failure, but I honestly don't know how the professor could have reacted knowing that I came to school with a hangover, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Frank this is all your fault, I hope you know that!"

I had said once I arrived home in a very bad mood with so much embarrassment in my body.

“Gee don't scream! You will make my head explode... "

_But I haven't shut up._

I remember that in the end we had a fight, or rather we argued a little, as we eventually fell asleep again in a sort of hug on the sofa after deciding that our fight was really stupid.

I didn't even have the perception that I fell asleep, as that damn alcohol had a bad effect on my poor mind.

"Good morning princess!"

Today is Saturday, so I have no class and I have time to rest and recover from this awkward week that is fortunately ending.

“Morning…” I mutter in a sleepy voice while I'm making my coffee, and then I feel him hug me from behind and give me a kiss on the cheek. I don't say anything anymore, I realized that Frank is a clingy type, so I just gave up and I simply got used to it.

"Did you sleep well?"

"If you can say so..." I mutter in a low voice, pouring the coffee in my cup and going to sit at the table where a Frank in his underwear is waiting for me.

"Could you put a shirt on, please?"

"As if you don’t like what you see..."

This is another battle I cannot win, as Frank has a passion for embarrassing me and he also have a marked hatred for clothes, so that most of the mornings he only has his underwear on or his bathrobe.

I snort in response.

"Is anyone in a bad mood today?"

In fact yes, even if today is a day of rest, I cannot say that I am in a good mood, since the rehearsals for the play are going very badly and the professor is about to give my role as protagonist to one of my classmates.

I care a lot about this show, giving my role to someone else after having said to my whole family that I will be the protagonis, would mean admitting that I have lost, that I have not lived up to expectations and I am already afraid about my father’s reaction.

"Indeed I am…"

“What's going on Gee? If it's about the shirt, I'll put it on immediately, sorry, I just wanted to joke a bit, now I'm going to get dressed, I promise... "

I don't want to blame Frank, I know it's not his fault and I know that he's anything but the reason of my failure, since I know very well what the biggest obstacle is, I just don't want to admit it.

"Don't worry Frankie, it's not your fault ..." I sigh "... It's because of this shitty play, I'm not capable and I don't even like the part I have to play, I hate everything!"

It is useless to keep lying to me and pretending I am happy with the role I got, as I am not happy at all and I wish I never got that role.

“Can I do something Gee Gee? If you want, we can rehearse your part together, maybe you can give me the script of the other actor you have to play with and we can rehearse it together!" he says with his usual smile on the face "Just stop making that face though, because you look both angry but also cute and adorable and I'm afraid I can't take you seriously." He concludes with a little laugh and getting up to get a shirt.

"Stupid..." I mutter in a low voice with a smile in my turn "But I'm afraid it would be useless to rehearse the part together, I'm not the right guy for this play and that's all."

This is the reality unfortunately, this play will be a disaster.

“What is the play about? You never told me!" He rightly asks me, sitting down again at the table with a shirt on and a cigarette between his lips.

I fear that my refusal to smoke has not achieved the result I hoped, since after lighting his cigarette I certainly do not hold back when he offers me one too. In fact, I started to smoke sometimes, when I'm upset let's say, but since I've always been upset in the last period, then I smoke at least eight cigarettes per day.

"It's a shitty play Frankie..." I repeat sadly, putting a hand on my forehead.

"You already said that princess!" he says with a laugh "What is this shitty play about then?"

I'm really embarrassed to say why I hate this play so much, but after all Frank and I have gotten to know each other a bit and I'm not too ashamed to admit my oddities with him.

_Although this one is really embarrassing..._

"Umh... well, it's about ... it's the story of two people."

"Oh really? I thought it was about dragons Gee Gee!"

I blush like an idiot after hearing this sarcastic sentence of his, because it wasn't a great description at all.

"It's about two guys, a couple, a boy and a girl." I finally spit out with gritted teeth and with so much embarrassment because of what I said.

"Umh... And is it strange...?"

_And admitting the reason why would be too much embarrassing._

"Well... of course it is!" After hearing me say that, he looks at me with a confused look, frowning and not understanding what I am trying to say.

"Gee almost all the plays and movies are about couples of people and about love, what's the problem?"

The problem is not just one, but at least three, if not even five, since I've never had a girlfriend or even a boyfriend in my life, I don't know what love is, what does it mean to spend an afternoon with your loved one, I don't even know what does it mean to be affectionate and caring towards someone and, more importantly, I don't know how to kiss someone ...

"Umh... Do you remember the other night, when we got drunk, that you asked me how many people I have kissed up to that moment?" He nods uncertainly in response.

"Well... it could be that maybe I've never kissed anyone and so this play is not for me, since in the last scene I have to kiss a girl and it embarrasses me so much..."

A few moments of silence pass, in which I wonder how much the idea that Frank has about me can change after my sad revelation, but contrary to what I feared, I see him smiling at me sweetly and leaning towards me to take my hand.

"Oooh Gee... Are you really that scared about a kiss?"

I nod softly in response, not daring to raise my gaze and meet his eyes.

"I'm pathetic Frank, I don’t really think I stole anyone’s heart..." And maybe I shouldn't have said this sentence, since what I get in response is a Frank sitting on my legs hugging me and repeating _"don't say bullshit”_ under his breath.

I'm sure Frank knows what it's like to be in love with someone, I just don't think I'm the right person though, so this sudden demonstration of affection can't help but make me blush like a fool.

"Umh... Frankie could you please get up...?" I ask in a whisper, feeling embarrassed beyond all limits.

"Gee Gee you absolutely have to understand that there is nothing wrong with showing your affection to someone and that, even if we are just friends, it does not mean that we cannot hug each other every now and then without blushing like this!" He says laughing after seeing the color of my cheeks.

"The fact is that this play is not made for me..." I sadly admit another time "I really don't know what love is and the whole plot talks about this!”

"Umh… if you want I can try to explain what to be in love means, I mean, what it means to be in love from my point of view...!"

Even if I don't understand how his point of view can help me to act better, I find myself nodding and waiting for him to start with his explanation.

"Well, you see... You have to assume that when you are in love with someone, then you will see everything in your life in a different light, because you feel ecstatic, you feel happy, and because you know that this person exists and even if he doesn’t know that you feel like this, you are... happy, and your heart is full of joy and it always beats a little harder than expected when you are with him... "

My eyes widen after hearing this sentence.

“You mean even with her, right…?" I ask him with a note of anxiety in my voice.

“Sure…! With whoever you want to be obviously. "

I know that Frank's heart is beating _"a little harder than expected"_ now, since I don’t think that look and the sweat on his forehead are due to the heat in the house...

"Were you trying to tell me something with these words Frank ...?" I ask in a whisper, with my own heart beating very fast but not for its reason.

“N-No Gee Gee, what do you think?? I was just trying to explaining you what does it mean to be in love for me, I told you I don't like you anymore!” He says with a forced laugh, and then he finally gets up off my legs and takes a glass of water.

I believe very little in the fact that Frank doesn’t like me anymore, I have the feeling that he only said it to not lose my friendship and not to make me panic again as I once did.

"Anyway!" he suddenly says trying to lower a little the embarrassment levels "Weren't we trying to get you into the role better?"

"How can I get better into the role of a boy in love with a girl I don't even know?" After my sentence, he takes my hands and forces me to get up from my chair even before I finish my morning coffee.

"Now we will rehearse the part together and I do not accept a no princess!" I roll my eyes after this proposal of his, and then I give up and I try to remember my script that is driving me crazy so much.

“Do we have to rehearse everything? Because I don't really want to and I don't even feel inspired at the moment."

"Let's just rehearse the part that is giving you the most trouble for today, okay Gee Gee?"

_And what I can think about is obviously the final kissing scene._

"Umh... maybe another time Frank..."

"I know you're thinking about that scene, I mean, I know you're thinking about the kiss..." he says with his gaze fixed on the ground "Am I right...?"

"Yep."

And then we fall silent.

There is so much embarrassment in the air that it is almost unbreathable and I don't really know how to get out of this big embarrassment, not this time, and not after this semi declaration of love Frank made me just a few minutes ago.

"Well, I can teach you how to pretend you two are kissing, b-but still make the scene real" he clears his throat "I really don't think you want to tongue kiss that girl, do you?"

And after this sentence, I burst out laughing hysterically.

"What the hell are we doing Frank!? I-I have no idea of what to say and what I should do for this play, but I just know that a kiss cannot be fake and that in one way or another my lips and my classmate's ones have to touch, right?"

I am so embarrassed that I am close to crying and running to the bathroom to hide from Frank and this uncomfortable situation.

"No Gee, if you don't want, your lips shouldn't touch at all..." He tells me in a low voice, and then he puts one hand on my cheek and comes a little closer to me.

_I panic._

"What the fuck are you doing Frank!?" I ask practically screaming, with my eyes wide open as I see him getting closer to me.

“My God Gerard, relax! I'm not going to kiss you, don't worry... "

_And what he does next, literally turns my mind off._

When our faces, or better to say our lips, are five centimeters apart, he tilts his head to one side and brings the other hand that isn't resting on my cheek, on my side.

"In this way everyone will believe that you two are really kissing..." He whispers on my lips, but I’m still unable to understand what is happening, so all I can do is feeling my heart beating madly in my chest, so much that I fear Frank have noticed that too.

"Your heart will break your chest Gee Gee!" He says amused, and then he finally pushes our faces apart and looks at me with his usual bright and warm smile.

“During the next rehearsals, you can do this. No lips, no tongues, but everyone will believe that you have really kissed!" He adds, before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek and heading to the bathroom announcing that he wants to take a shower, leaving me alone with my usual red cheeks and an immense embarrassment in the body.

 _"Your heart is full and always beats a little harder than expected when you are with him"_ this phrase starts to echo in my head and a storm of questions about why I felt like that and why I allowed him to act this way, push me to bring my hands on my face as a sign of protection from God only knows what, and then I start laughing hysterically.

_Frank is quickly becoming something different from a distraction, since he’s now becoming a kind of obsession and that scares me more than I should admit._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,  
> I’m finally done with my lessons and so I’ll have more time to both write the story and obviously study for my exams…!  
> I’m really tired tbh, I need to take a break ahahah  
> Hope you will like also this chapter.  
> Love, Isa :*

"Gerard, can I tell you something?"

"Umh, sure…?"

"If you want we can kiss for real during the final scene, I mean, it would make everything even more real, also in my opinion you are a very good kisser..."

_I don't really know what kind of effect I have on people and why I gave the wrong impression to my classmate too._

“Oh I-I don't know Melanie… Maybe it's better this way…”

“You have a girlfriend, right? Sorry Gerard, but… you are just so beautiful and I thought maybe we could go out together sometimes."

After hearing her saying this, I petrified, not finding better words to say than " _yes, I have a boyfriend"_.

“Sorry Gerard! I'm really sorry, can we forget what has just happened? The fake kiss is more than fine for the play, don't worry!"

Melanie is nice, I don't mind the fact that she asked me out, what bothers me is the reaction I had but, above all, the fact that I told her I have a boyfriend, so admitting that I'm gay even if I’m not.

_Today is a day to forget and I realized that since meeting Frank, the number of these days has only increased._

I thought a lot about what happened yesterday, when he explained to me how to fake a kiss, but above all I thought a lot about how my poor heart was beating fast and how that strange feeling had pervaded my entire body.

Frank is just a friend, I mean, I really don't want to be in a relationship with anyone, but then I don't understand why I felt this way yesterday.

"Gee Gee your cheeks are still red!"

He told me as soon as he got out of the shower with only his bathrobe on.

However, I hadn’t responded to this sentence, since my checks weren’t red from the fake kiss, but they had become red again after seeing him with only his bathrobe on...

_I've seen Frank I this way and even in his underwear a bunch of times, I don't know why I have reacted like this this time._

It scares me that I might have a crush on Frank, as it would be really stupid to have one after all the time we've spent together at home, but the fact is that the more I think about him and his beautiful smile, the more I feel like I’m on another planet and my heart start beating faster.

“Hey Gee Gee! How did it go today? I have great plans for tonight, we'll have fun honey! "

Fortunately, this embarrassing day is over and so I can finally go home, but the problem is that I had totally forgotten that on Fridays Frank usually comes in front of my school to go home together.

"Frank please, tell me you have a cigarette..." I ask him, moving my hands on my face to try to cover it and feeling my heart _beating a little faster than expected_ just because of that _"honey"._

“Wow is everything okay? Of course I have one, but you don’t have to exaggerate princess, I don't want-"

"Stop calling me like that, Frank!" I scream at him in anger without really wanting it, and then I grab my cigarette and I run down the stairs.

"Hey, Gee!" He calls me, but I don't turn around.

"Gerard!" But again, I ignore him.

"What the fuck Gerard, would you please stop!?"

And so I stop my stupid run.

"First of all, would you like to tell me how do you think you can light the cigarette if I have the lighter?"

I snort after hearing his correct observation.

"And then... could you tell me what happened?" He asks me with a lot of concern in his voice and slowly taking my hand.

I can't explain how much my heart has started to beat faster after feeling my hand in his, but I just know that before that fake kiss, I didn't feel this way.

"Why did you do that Frank...?" I then ask him with a note of desperation in my voice.

"Umh... why did I do what?"

"The kiss, I mean, that stupid fake kiss from the other day for my play" I sigh "Why did you do that?"

"Well, because I wanted to help you with the rehearsals, nothing so strange, it was just for-"

"Today I told my classmate, the girl I should kiss at the end of the play, that I prefer to fake kiss her because I'm fucking gay and I have a boyfriend!"

He widens his eyes in response.

"D-Do you have a boyfriend...?"

Unable to get angry again given his immensely hurt gaze, I decide to take a deep breath to calm down a little and I try to explain myself better.

"Of course I don't have one, Frank... I'm not even gay if I have to be honest, but since that stupid advice of yours about kissing, it's like my mind has gone crazy and I don't know what you have done to me, but I just know that I don't want to feel like this anymore..."

"Your mind or your heart, sweetheart...?" He asks me, as if he hadn't listened to what I just told him.

"Frank stop it... I don't want to joke anymore." I sadly admit looking down at the ground.

"I'm not joking..." he says bringing a hand under my chin and making me look up "I know you're terrified of relationships and that's okay, I accept it, but this reaction of yours can only mean that... well, it means that...”

"It means what Frank!?" I am immensely frustrated and I’m also so done with this situation.

"Well, it means that in the end you... I mean, you really didn’t get it?"

I shake my head in response and I look at him like he’s the crazy one between us.

"Well Gee, I don't want to be the one who takes away the magic of understanding what's happening to you, because even if you're slow in terms of understanding relationship stuff, I still have some hope in you and in your ability to understand." He simply tells me, and then he winks at me and walks down the stairs with an even happier and brighter smile on his face.

I’m not sure I have understood well.

_Does he really want to leave me like that without telling me what he was referring to?_

“Hey! Frank you have to tell me, please!"

"I'm sorry princess, you will understand soon!" He says with a strange euphoria in his voice, and then he gives me another kiss on the cheek.

"I hate you Frank..."

"Oh I don’t think so, maybe the exact opposite!" he puts his arm around my shoulders, as much as he can given his small stature "Let's go home, I have a wonderful idea for tonight, something obviously forbidden by your parents!"

_I really hope that it will not be something embarrassing and that, above all, it will not make me feel so strange again, since I do not think I can hold up for any longer this feeling that has taken over my entire body._

*********

"So your brilliant idea consists in staying up all night?"

"Exactly!"

"And why, if I may know...?"

During all the way from school to home, Frank kept telling me how cool his idea for tonight was.

Honestly, tonight I would like to do nothing but sleep and try to chase away at least some of the embarrassment that this terrible day has made me feel.

"To talk a little honey! We will have fun, tiredness makes you say funny things after a certain hour."

But unfortunately, more than funny things I fear that after a certain hour the embarrassment would only grow even more.

"I don't see how being exhausted can be fun honestly..." I say in a low voice, believing he won’t hear me in this way.

"I’ve heard you, idiot!" he immediately replies, poking me in the side “And didn't you say you wanted to know why you’re feeling so strange today? Who knows, maybe around four in the morning I might even tell you if you don't get it first!" and after saying that, he goes to change his clothes in my room.

I have never understood this myth of staying up all night, I can't understand what is so fascinating about being tired and having dark circles around the eyes the next day, but I just know that if Frank has decided so, then I have no choice.

"Moreover, am I wrong or you haven't sung anything for me yet?" I hear him say as he is walking out of the room, trying to put on his pajama shirt.

"Frank it's six in the afternoon, isn't it a bit early for pajamas?"

"You haven’t answered my question yet darling!"

I sigh in response, admitting my defeat.

"Who knows, maybe around five in the morning I might even sing for you, _honey_!" I reply with a very stupid smile on my face, placing my hands on the hips and waiting for his answer.

As I expected, he immediately answers me, even if not exactly with the words ...

"Don't be a dick Gerard!" And he then begins to tickle my hips, making me laugh like a child.

Obviously, this action only increase the intensity of this unmotivated and strange feeling, so that I am now sure that the problem is Frank, and not me.

"Frank!" But it’s useless, since what I get in response is him pushing me to the sofa and making me sit on it, not stopping tickling my hips even for a second, but sitting on my legs in response.

A feeling of unmotivated anxiety pervades my body after realizing how much this scene can be interpreted in many wrong ways if seen from the outside.

_And because of that, I immediately push him down, making him fall to the ground on his back._

“What the fuck! You hurt me, idiot!" He immediately says, rubbing the back of his head which hit the ground during the fall and looking at me with a look full of sadness.

"I-I don't... I'm not gay Frank, so stop doing this, okay!?"

"Oooh sorry, I’m certainly not the one who told his classmate that I am gay and I have a boyfriend!" he stands up, continuing to rub his head with a slight expression of pain on his face "I can't believe you're so stupid Gerard..."

I look at him with a confused look in response.

"What do you mean?"

“I mean that you like me, you jerk! That strange feeling is simply your body going against your stupid mind and saying to it _'hey, but do you know that you might like Frank?_ '."

After hearing this sentence, I wide my eyes in response.

“What the fuck are you saying Frank...?"

"I’m just saying the truth Gee Gee..." he kneels in front of me, while I'm still sitting on the couch, and he puts his hands on my knees "Why are you so afraid to admit it?" he asks me with the sweetest smile of all.

_My heart starts beating faster after this question._

"But it's not true... It's not true at all that I like you Frank..." I say with a voice on the verge of tears.

“Gee… Why don't you want to admit it? You know it’s true, you know that I like you and that now you like me too and-"

“Stop it Frank! It's not true, I told you I don’t like you, stop making me believe I’m something I am not!" I say angrily, jumping up and starting to cry like a fool.

"Okay... Okay Gerard, I won't insist anymore..." he stands up too and he looks at me in the eyes "But I want to do one last thing before you can convince yourself to hate me for no reason..." he adds, and then he takes my face in his hands and he gives me the sweetest kiss of all.

_I am so surprised by his action that I don't even have time to react, but I just let him kiss me._

"I'm sure that now this strange feeling has pervaded your whole body again, as I can feel your heart beating faster, but I also know that soon you will probably punch me in the face, so I'll go for a walk while your stupid head will talk to your cold heart so you can understand that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship with someone, with me..."

And although he's already wearing his pajamas, he takes his jacket and leaves the house to go only heaven knows where.

Too many things have happened and I can’t keep calm, as Frank kissed me, the first kiss of my life, a kiss that I maybe liked more than I expected, and also because he's right, as that stupid feeling has pervaded my body again. It might be true that I like him, that maybe it wasn't true from the beginning that he's just a friend and that maybe, the first time he said me he had a crush on me, I should have shut my mouth and… _kiss him_.

I'm not good with dealing with any kind of relationship, I'm a mess, and I still don't understand why Frank is wasting so much time with me.

_“I'm sorry G... but it's very hard to deal with you….. I won't force you to do anything again, I promise, or better to say! this time I swear. I'll be home in an hour, sorry again G.... "_

But this message can only make me feel even more bad and guilty than I already feel.

_“come home frnk…. it's cold and you're in your pajamas, if you don't come back immediately, I'll come looking for you"_

_"ok G."_

If I was getting used to our embarrassing life together, now it will be very difficult to start to live again without feeling strange, and it's just my fault.

_"u not mad at me then...?"_

I smile after reading this childish message.

_"im not frnkie"_

_" <3"_

I continue to cry without a reason, thinking about how many mistakes I’ve made from the beginning and how I always treated Frank like shit, while he always treated me like I was important, someone he really cares about.

_I need to fix things up as soon as possible._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,  
> I noticed that in 6 days it’s Christmas but I can’t be happy, as this Christmas will be awful, like the entire year...  
> Talking about the story, I really love this chapter, it’s cute! Hope you will like it too.  
> Love, Isa :*

"Okay, let's do the last scene again and Way, try to concentrate at least this time!"

The rehearsals for the play are going badly again and I started to not pay attention again in class as I spend much of the time thinking about Frank and what happened five days ago.

“It's ten in the evening Frank! Where the fuck have you been? I walked around the neighborhood like a fool looking for you!"

I remember too well how worried I felt that evening when he decided to go out after our fight, leaving me home alone feeling guilty and worried about not seeing him return home until the evening.

"I wanted to take something to make the situation sweeter... But all the pastry shops in the area are closed a-and I went around the other neighborhood which is a bit far. I didn't want to worry you, sorry Gee... "

I also remember that in the end, after my useless tour of the neighborhood looking for him, I found him behind the door with a chocolate cake with strawberries with him.

"I know it's your favorite cake and so I struggled a little before founding it, but-"

I remember that in the end I didn't give a damn about the cake, and I hugged him tightly to me, and I also remember that he let out a few tears as he repeated a series of pointless apologies.

"Maybe we could eat some cake for today and stay awake another night, what do you say...?"

_And in the end, we did exactly what he said._

We sat a little too close than two simple friends would have done and we talked a bit, eating way too much cake and even laughing a little.

I remember that in the end, when we were both too tired to think clearly, he practically laid down on me and I also remember that for a few brief moments my fingers started to lightly touch his soft cheek.

"Let's go to bed Gee..." He sadly said at one point, ending that cute scene that in a different reality and in a world where I don't always ruin everything, it could have been a sweet scene between two normal boyfriends...

I remember that in the end I got up from the sofa, but I also remember that before going to my room, I turned to look at him for the last time, feeling an almost irrepressible temptation to kiss him.

However, I remember that in the end I didn’t do nothing, being the coward I am, and I remember how I simply smiled and wished him a stupid and miserable goodnight.

I remember hearing him cry in the middle of the night and I remember feeling like a monster, but I also remember that at some point I could no longer bear hearing him cry so desperately for me, so I decided to stand up and go try to make him stop.

I remember hugging him, without saying anything, and I remember lying with him on that too small sofa, holding him close to me all night long.

_Honestly, everything could be a lot easier, I could just tell to my stupid head to stop hindering me and, finally, admit that I like Frank, also for quite some time._

I also remember how the next morning he woke up earlier, since once I opened my eyes I found nothing but the usual sofa and no Frank next to me.

"Good morning Gee..." He said while he was drinking his coffee once he realized that I woke up too.

"Morning Frankie."

_But it hasn’t been a good morning for sure._

Since it was Saturday and since I had no class, we could have talked and done something together, but we haven’t done anything. He stayed in the living room with his guitar and too many cigarettes, and I stayed in my bedroom rehearsing my part for the play.

I remember how the following days were filled with embarrassment and sadness, but I also remember last night and how we both tried in vain to fix things.

"Have you thought a little about how you feel?" He asked me at dinner, breaking that tense silence.

"What do you mean…?"

“What can I mean, Gerard!? I mean if you have thought about how you feel, what you feel, what you feel for me... "

In fact yes, I thought about it a lot, too much perhaps, but I was able to just tell him a simple _"maybe"._

"Okay, I understand..." he said me with a forced smile on his lips "Well, I hope you'll be able to understand something soon, because I'm tired of these stupid looks of yours that you think I don't notice, and of your refusal to accept that you have feelings for me too. "

"I'm sorry Frank..."

I remember him getting up from his chair, kissing me on the head and going to the bathroom to put on his pajamas.

"If things between us don't settle down quickly, I'm afraid I'll have to look for another place because I don't feel okay here anymore..." He said once back in the living room, and then added a _"goodnight Gee"_ and turn off the lights even though I was still at the table with a lot of things to tell him.

I don't want Frank to go away, because I have grown fond of him and this strange coexistence of ours, and because I can no longer imagine myself without a Frank by my side.

_I made a fucking mess, and I don't see how I can change things._

"I’m sorry professor..."

"Well, I hope it goes better this time."

But nothing is better, I screwed everything up and the more I try to think of a solution, the worse it gets.

I know that rehearsals are going badly, as every time it comes to the kissing scene I can only think about Frank and a feeling of sadness always force me to get away from my classmate before I can even fake the kiss .

"I-I'm sorry professor, I don't know what it’s going on today, I'm mortified." I say full of embarrassment after this other time that I fail the final scene and that I walk away from Melanie as if she is a danger to me.

“Okay Way, but are you here to make fun of me? Have you ever kissed a girl? Let me understand, so maybe we can rapidly find a solution."

I know everyone is staring at me and waiting for an explanation, but I have no idea of what to say and how to justify myself.

"It's my fault, professor, the other day Gerard and I had an argument, if it can be defined like that, and in the end it turned out that I’m making him uncomfortable, because he is gay."

It all happens too fast, as after hearing Melanie saying all this bullshit at once, I feel defeated and exposed beyond all limits.

I wide my eyes in response.

"What the fuck are you talking about Melanie?"

"Well, you told me you have a boyfriend, I didn't say anything strange, what's the problem?"

I don't really know how to get out of this unusual and embarrassing situation, I just want everyone to stop looking at me while they’re whispering under their breath.

"I don't... I-I never said I was uncomfortable with kissing you, all these bullshits are just in your head!"

"Well, sorry but I'm not the one who suggested giving each other a fake kiss because _'I have a boyfriend'_!" She says, making fun of me as she mimics me saying that I have a boyfriend.

"Assuming you have one, at this point I don't even think it's true, for me you have no idea how to do it because you've never kissed anyone!"

I don't think I deserve all this free hate to be honest, I don't even think she really thinks what she is saying, but I just think she is upset about my rejection of the other day.

“What if you made up this whole thing about being a fag just because you didn't want to go out with me? And what if you made it up just because you don't feel like kissing me in the show, and you also made up the story of having the boyfriend to get me out of your way? And what if-"

"Well, Melanie, I’m sorry to ruin all of your stupid fantasies, but I didn't lie about anything and indeed I have a boyfriend, and his name is Frank, and he's not a piece of shit who attacks me without a reason like you are doing now!" I say with a little too much emphasis "And if I don't want to kiss you it can be for a thousand reasons more than my sexual orientation, so I would ask you to think before yelling at someone you don't know shit about except the name!" and after that, I take my backpack with the books and my jacket and I walk towards the door.

"Goodbye!" I then add while leaving the classroom even before I hear any kind of response from my professor or from Melanie herself.

Right now, I only have one thing in mind, and this thing is called Frank, and I don't intend to waste anymore time with these disrespectful and stupid people.

I light up the cigarette stolen from Frank's packet this morning and I walk quickly towards the subway, with the intention of getting home as soon as possible and telling Frank everything I said earlier in front of my foolish classmates.

I just hope to be able to tell him what I feel and so finally fix things up.

_I accelerate my pace even more._

*********

_But what I find once I opened the door, is anything but what I had imagined..._

"What are you doing Frank...?"

What I find is a Frank busy picking up his clothes to put them in the suitcase, the same suitcase that around a month ago he brought here to start our unusual life together.

"I know that last night I told you that I would have thought about whether to leave or not, that I would have given you some more time, but the fact is that I no longer feel okay here Gee Gee and that this is your house, not mine, and I made a mess, so it's right that I go away now…” He says with a very forced smile on his face and trying to avoid meeting my gaze.

"W-What are you talking about...?"

"It’s just the truth" he replies continuing to quickly fill the suitcase "I'm not welcome anymore here, I screwed everything up, don't worry about me..."

_But how could I not worry about him?_

I hurry up to grab him gently by the wrist so that he can stop this ridiculous scene and finally listen to me.

“Frank… Don't say that, this is your home now, where do you want to go? The rents are very expensive, you still don't have enough money to be able to pay a rent yourself."

I try to make him reason, finally having the opportunity to see him in the eyes and understanding why he was trying so desperately not to look at me.

_He cried, his red eyes can't help but make me believe this..._

"I can try to ask if there is still a free room in the area where I lived before, don't worry Gee, I’ll be fine…"

“Stop saying I don't have to worry Frank! Obviously I have to, who do you think I am? Do you think I would feel good to know that you will most likely sleep on some dirty bench on the street, when you have a warm and comfortable home here to sleep in and eat?"

And seeing him nod, destroys me.

"You think I'm a monster, don't you...?"

I know that I have behaved in a very awful way with him, that I have never done anything to show him how much I care about him other than hosting him in my house, but knowing that he really believes I’m such a bastard, destroys me.

"That's not what I said Gerard..." He says in a whisper, releasing his wrist from my grip and heading towards the table where the last clothes are resting on top.

"So what did you mean Frank?"

But he keeps doing his thing, as if I haven’t said anything.

"Frankie please... Can we talk without you doing something else?" I ask him in a pleading tone, since just seeing him pack his suitcase makes me feel a lot of anxiety and it already makes me miss him.

"What can I say…?" he says turning his back to me and placing his hands on the table “What should I tell you Gerard? I believe you can understand that in this miserable condition we can’t continue to live together."

"I know, we just have to fix things up..." But this sentence seems to have bothered him more than I expected.

"Well, I don't think you're doing something to fix things up, or am I wrong!?" He tells me with such an anger that I have never heard from him.

Apparently today everyone likes to yell at me, and I fear that the fault must be mine.

"Maybe you can turn around and stop giving me your back so we can talk about it like two normal people would do, right?"

"Okay Gerard, here I am!" he turns around and he shows me his eyes even redder than before because of the tears held back “What do you have to tell me that is so important? I don't think you can miraculously save the situation, and I don't think-"

Not finding the right words to pull myself out of this disaster and fearing with all my being that he might really abandon me _, I kiss him_.

This is the worst kiss of all, I know it, it must be the most desperate and without a minimum of grace one, but I think I could not find a better answer than this.

Luckily he does not reject me, but rather he brings his arms around my body and hugs me, and so realizing that he does not want to kill me, I decide to take it as an opportunity to make him back away until he reaches the table behind him.

"Gee it was the worst, wettest kiss someone ever gave me..." he says with a chuckle, not pulling his lips away from mine.

"Shut up! It was my first one, you moron." I try to defend myself in vain, only to see him sitting on the table and holding me a little closer to him.

"I'll show you what a good kiss is, princess..." And so he starts kissing me again, a better kiss than the previous one, and perhaps a little too desperate and passionate to be honest, since feeling him bringing his legs up to my hips to be able to get even closer to my body, makes my heart beat too hard and it also excites me a little more than it should.

"Slow down Frankie..." I stop him, pulling my lips away from his for just a few seconds, and hoping he will slow down for real.

"Sorry..." he says with another chuckle, and then he loosens the grip of his legs a little he and starts kissing me a little more gently than before.

I don't know how long we go on kissing and I don't even know where I finally found the courage to do it, to understand that there is nothing wrong with admitting that I like Frank, that I like him a lot...

"And why did you change your mind so quickly, Gee Gee...?" He asks me, breaking the kiss and smiling at me in such a sweet way that it melts my heart.

I smile in turn and I put my hands on the face to hide my red checks, still a little embarrassed and shocked by what happened, but happy beyond all limits.

"Hey, take your hands off, stupid!" he says laughing and taking his hands off my face "I want to see your beautiful smiling face, I love your beautiful smiling face..." he adds in the end, and then he places another little kiss on my lips and waits for me to say something.

"Well, you were right, that's the reason..." I reply full of embarrassment, not losing my smile and continuing to try to understand what has just happened.

"Of course I was right!" another kiss "And I also knew that with the scene of the suitcase I would have convinced you to finally make a decision!" he finally admits, moving his hands to my face and gently stroking my cheeks.

I frown in response.

"You did what…?"

Of course, he laughs.

“Oooh don't make that face! You know very well that without something really scaring you would never have done what you did and, even if it was a pretty confusing kiss honey, at least I got what I believed and hoped for."

I don't think I have understood right. Did he put on this little show just to scare me?

"Did you even pretend you were crying ...?"

"Well... no, not that" he lowers his gaze "Let's say that this was my last attempt, a bit desperate one sure, and I wasn't sure at all of the final result..."

I would love to tell him something, at least to make him understand that seeing him with his suitcase have really freaked me out and it also destroyed me, but instead I give him another kiss, because I'm really sick of fighting with him.

"Okay Gee..." he smiles again "Can I consider you my boyfriend then...?"

"Well, today I announced to my entire class that I have a boyfriend named Frank, so I would be a little offended if you didn’t consider me as such!"

After saying this, we both burst out laughing like two fools.

"God if it has been hard to have you Gee..."

I can only agree with him, and I am honestly ashamed, because if we have gone so far with this situation, it is only my fault.

"But it was worth it... look what a beauty you have obtained in the end!"

And we keep on laughing after my ironic sentence.

_I hope I don't screw this up as usual, because I really love that stupid smile Frank has when we stop kissing and I want to see it many more times in the future._


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,  
> I forgot to tell you that I think the story will take around 20 chapters max, since I think it will be enough after all.  
> I also would like to wish you all a merry Christmas and a HAPPY (I hope so…) new year, since I can’t stand another year without seeing my chem live now that they’re together again and that they have decided, for some unknown reason, to come to Italy…  
> Love you all, Isa :*

Since that day, me and Frank have become even closer to each other.

I never thought I'd be such a huge fan of kissing and doing nothing but sitting hugged on the sofa watching television, but instead I can’t wait to get back home to be with him.

It's been two weeks now that we are together and I still have to get used to some _“couple things”,_ but I can say that I’m really glad I’ve decided to finally kiss him.

For example, he’s convinced that we have to sleep together now, that he feels lonely sleeping on the sofa, that we have to be closer and do more _“boyfriend’s things”_.

“What do you mean Frank?” I asked him yesterday morning, when he decided that it was better to eat his breakfast while sitting on my legs.

“You know what I mean honey…”  
But I didn't really know what he was talking about, so I just looked at him with a confused face.

“Umh… no?”

“Come on Gee! Don’t make me say that, please!”

But in the end he said it, and when I realized what he meant, I blushed profusely feeling like an idiot.

“We haven’t fucked yet…”  
I can’t say how embarrassed I’ve felt after his revelation, but I just know that for the rest of the day I’ve acted in a very strange way, blushing every time his eyes met mine.

“My God Gerard… You are so stupid sometimes!” He said me before going to sleep, laughing and kissing me before wishing me a goodnight while winking at me.

I know that Frank is a more extroverted guy than me, that he likes physical contact a little too much than normally acceptable and, most important thing, that he likes me from October and even if today it’s just the tenth of December, I can suppose that it’s a lot of time for him…

Indeed I’m the perfect opposite, as I don’t like so much physical contact, or continuously saying sweet things to each other and, most importantly of all, I don’t want to sleep with him, not yet.

“We are together for two weeks Frank… Don’t you think that it’s a little too early for… well, for…”  
“For fucking?”  
I know that he likes to make fun of me, but I really don’t like when he says that, because in this way it seems something not very romantic, but even a bad thing.

“Don’t say that Frank.”

I know that he wants to make love for real, but it’s really too soon for me, as I thought that maybe in one year of relationship we could have done it. I don’t want to say it to Frank though, since it would probably mean a fight and I’m tired of arguing with him, indeed I don’t want to do it anymore.

“Why are you so afraid baby? It isn’t a bad thing, I promise…” He said me this morning before I left for my class.

“You’re a little too eager Frankie…” I admitted with my usual red cheeks, lowering my gaze to the ground and hoping he understood.

“Okay, I won’t force you, promise, mh?” He said in the end, hugging me and kissing me softly on the cheek, so that I believed him.

“After all, it’s still a miracle that you finally accepted to be my boyfriend!”

And so I responded by tickling him, giving him one, maybe two, or even three kisses, and leaving the house late.

_I can't remember a happier time than this to be honest..._

“Way, you’re late!”  
“Yeah, I know…”

I’m not the perfect student anymore, but rather I’m becoming a mediocre one, but it’s not Frank fault, since I really don’t want to blame my sweet and beautiful distraction for finally having taught me how to be happy and how to love.

“We have to talk after class…” The professor tells me with a cold look and I simply nod in response, not feeling even a little nervous about it.  
Indeed I’ve finally understood what people mean when they say that when you find someone to be with, you feel like you can fly and so I can just think about Frank and how we will spend our evening together.

Three nights ago he tried to convince me to sing for him, since I haven’t done it yet, and maybe this evening I can finally sing a little for him, as a way to say ‘thank you’ for finally having agreed to stop with this _“we have to fuck”_ thing _._

“Okay Way, can you tell me what’s happening? I don’t recognize you anymore!”

I don’t really know what I can say, as I don’t think it is such a tragedy the fact that school is not my priority anymore.

“I’m sorry professor, but I’m fine, maybe more than fine, so you don’t have to worry.”

He looks at me with a frowning face, not knowing what to say.

“B-But you don’t seem like the student I’ve met, something must have happened for sure.”

I’m really sorry for my professor, I know that he can’t understand and I also know that I don’t want to waste my time with him now, since the class has ended fifteen minutes ago and I know that there’s a cold and grumpy Frank outside the school waiting for me.

“I’m really sorry, you have to believe me, but I’m fine, I’ll try to come to school earlier next time, I promise I’ll try.”

Sure, I’ll try, but I know that it won’t happen, as I discovered that have breakfast with Frank takes a little too much time.

“But you-”

“See you tomorrow professor!” I say with a too big smile and too much joy in my voice, and then I run out of school.

As I thought, I found my little Frank with his usual and stupid work uniform waiting for me with an angry look.

I smile.

“Someone’s cold?”

“What the fuck Gee! I’m freezing and you’re late! You know that this damn uniform isn’t so warm and-”

I kiss him in response.

“So many beautiful words… I missed you too, thanks for telling me.” I tell him and then I pick his stupid hat with the name of the pizzeria on and I place it on my head.

“You look like a dork with it, you know?” He says laughing like an idiot and hugging me tighter.

“Look who’s talking! You seem a dork too!” I say putting the hat on his head again, and then I take him by his hand and I start to walk down the stairs.

“You better find a way to warm me up when we get home, cause I’m fucking freezing!”  
“Maybe it won’t warm you up, but I’m sure you will like it anyway.”

And I give him another small kiss on the cheek.

_I could really end up falling in love…_

*********

“Did that bitch still say something?” He asks as soon as we enter our place, and I can’t help but smile a little.

I’ve told him all about my classmate’s little crush on me and I still remember his reaction.

“I bet she’s not even so beautiful! What a bitch!”

I fear that Frank is a little jealous, or at least he hates a lot Melanie because she’s supposed to kiss me.

“I bet that her kisses suck… I’m the best!”

I have to admit that every time he makes a little jealousy show my heart beats a little faster, as in this way I can understand how much he cares about me. I’m still a little bit slow in understanding relationships’ stuff and also in trusting people, so every time he’s jealous I know he cares.

“I haven’t seen her today Frankie, but tomorrow we’ll see if she has something to say.”  
“I hope she will keep her stupid mouth shut!”

It’s understandable the fact that he hates her, because I hate her too as she also has something to say every time we kiss. She hates to fake kiss me, but she also hates my real kisses, so I really don’t know what she wants from me.

I was tempted to give up, to say that I never wanted to be the leading actor anymore, but then I immediately thought about my father and his severe face. I thought a lot in these days and the idea of my parents finding out that me and Frankie are a couple now, makes me panic quite a lot. I fear that at the play they will find out anyway, as Frank already told me that he wants to be present and he wants to kiss me at the end of the play to show to Melanie how a real kiss is. I know that there are still several days before the twenty-third of December, but I also know that when Frank says something he really means it.

“You know she’s just a classmate!” I try to make him reason, but what I obtain is just a Frank between my arms holding me close.  
“I hate her anyway…”

I’m still not used at all to all this undeserved affection, and I fear I still need quite a bit of time to get used to him, to get used to this new part of the “boyfriend” I have to play.

“You’re mine Gee Gee.”  
_Maybe a little longer than I think..._

“O-Okay sweetheart, I got the message” I laugh a little “Are you hungry? Cause I’m literally starving and-”

“I know you’re trying to avoid the argument, I'm not as stupid as you may think.” He says while sitting on the sofa, since he knows I hate when he sits on it with the dirty pants he used to go to work.

I roll my eyes in response.

“Can you stand up, please?”  
“Nope.”  
I moan annoyed after hearing him saying that.

“If you don't stand up immediately, I won’t cook anything for dinner.”  
“Don’t care baby, your cooking skills are awful!”

I throw my scarf at him in response.

“If you don't stand up, I won’t sing for you this evening!”  
As I thought, he stands up immediately.

“You what!?” he comes to me quickly “Are you serious!?”  
I laugh in response, while nodding after seeing all this unmotivated joy just because I say him I will sing.

“Yeah, I’m serious” I shrug “But firstly, I’ll cook something for me, since you said you don’t want anything for dinner…”

I see him make a sad expression in response.

“Oww please! I was joking, I’m hungry too! Please Gee, you’re not so bad after all, I wasn’t serious!”

“Too late!”

I know that in the end I will cook something for him too, and I also know that I’m the worst when it comes to cook, but I also know for sure that he’s worse… I remember that around two weeks after he comes here, he almost burnt the house because he forgot about the milk on the stove.

“If I starve, it will be just your fault!” He says pouting like a kid and crossing his arms over his chest.

In response, I go towards him and I give him a kiss on the forehead.

“We need to make this pout disappear now…”

He nods in response, already smiling a little, and so I decide to start singing with I don’t know what kind of courage.

Of course he will interpret this song in the wrong way, but it’s the first one I’ve learnt and the one I love more. Indeed, I decided to sing Superstar by The Carpenters and of course I know that it’s a super romantic song, but in my opinion it’s the one I sing better.

I can easily see how his expression has become sweeter and how he can’t stop looking at me, so that it is impossible for me not to blush at least a little, but I keep on singing anyway.

“You’re so good Gee…” He says in a whisper, and then he puts his hands on my hips and starts dancing a little, following my voice.

I try not to laugh while thinking about my inexistent dance skills and I continue to sing, not so embarrassed anymore. I know this could be considered as a cute and sweet scene, but I’m fearing his reaction when the song will be over, as I know he’s liking it, maybe a little too much.

We continue to dance a little, hugging each other tight and smiling like two dorks, but I don’t feel embarrassed anymore, since I just feel appreciated and _loved_ …

“Honey it was amazing and I-Why didn’t you tell me before that you were so good!?”

I can clearly see his eyes full of tears and so I suppose he liked the song, and the kiss he gives me after confirms this hypothesis.

“Well, I didn’t feel ready, and I’m not so good anyway!”  
“Gee you’re more than good! My God… You have to sing much more often!” he kisses me again “Love your voice princess…” and he gives me another small kiss.

“Okay Frank, I-Frankie!”  
I say laughing like crazy while he continues to kiss and compliment me.

“Can’t stop, sorry!”  
If I have to be honest, I don’t really want him to stop, I just want to know what does he think about the song, specially about the lyrics, since I really don’t want him to think that I was trying to confess something I still don’t feel…

“Promise me you will sing for me more often, please Gee! Promise me!”  
“I promise.” I say while laughing a little again.

“But I also have to ask you if you can choose more carefully your song next time, since I’m a little bit of a dreamer and the lyrics were… well… really romantic and cheesy Gee!” He finally says, laughing a little bit uncomfortably and scratching the back of his head.

“I-I’m sorry Frank, I know, but it’s the first song I’ve learned when I was a little kid and I really like it. I didn’t mean to make fun of you or-”

He stops my stupid flow of apologies by kissing me deeply.

“This is not what I was saying baby, I just said that I don’t want to ruin everything now, and I fear that if you sing to me again that you love me, I could say something that you may not like to hear now…”

And he kisses me again on the cheek.

“You’re an asshole anyway, since you can’t decide to sing me such a romantic song for the first time, I thought you knew me at least a little Gee!”

I can completely understand just now what I’ve done and this song was definitely the worst choice of all.

“Okay Frank…” I just say in the end, suddenly feeling guilty for choosing this song.

“Hey! You’re the one pouting now?” he says laughing a little and trying to make some of the embarrassment disappear “If you continue to pout, then it means I'll have to cook by myself the dinner…”  
I widen my eyes in response.

“Oh no! Go away, you don’t even have to touch the fridge!”  
“Then stop me!”  
I really like Frank, I know that I still have to understand what does it really mean to be a boyfriend and to care about someone, but I think that I can take the risk of falling in love in the future like he is already with me.

“Gee stop! You’ll make me die if I continue to laugh like that! Please!”

_I think I can definitely take this risk for him._


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,
> 
> I know I’ve already wished you a merry Christmas, but I found a little bit of time to write again, as these days have been a little bit stressful and I didn’t want to think about anything at least this afternoon.  
> Hope you still like the story, and merry Christmas again.  
> Love you all, Isa :*

“Okay Melanie, I really don’t know what the hell do you want from me!”  
“Maybe if you finally decide to kiss me in an at least decent way, it could be better!”

“Oh, excuse me? I’m not here to give you the kiss of your fucking life!”

“But neither the worst of all!”

I really don’t know what to do anymore, I just know that I’m really tired of the rehearsals and of Melanie’s complaining.

“It seems like the kiss is the only important part of the play!”

I know I’m not the perfect kisser, or at least not the best in the world, since Frank is still teaching me to give good kisses. I know for sure that I’m better now, I don’t feel so embarrassed anymore with the idea of giving a kiss, but it’s also true that I don’t want to kiss someone who’s not Frank.

“Of course it isn’t, but I’m sure you can do better than that!”  
I’m really exasperated, because I fear that I won’t be able to kiss her in a decent way neither now nor ever.

“I said you we can fake kiss, my God!”  
“But I want a real kiss! It will make the scene even more real!”  
I open my mouth, trying to find the right words, but in the end I can’t say a word. I just want to finish with this play, to act my part and then forget about this stressful time of my life.

“Okay guys, why don’t we take a break?” My professor finally says, with a concerned look and opening his arms while walking towards us with a fake smile on his face.

“I’m so done with this fucking play…” I mutter under my breath, for then picking up my backpack and head to the vending machines to buy a coffee.

“If she tells you something bad, remember to call me, okay honey?”

I know that Frank wasn’t serious when this morning said that to me, after all I think I can face the situation and learn how to give a decent kiss, but for some reasons my fingers start to deal his phone number anyway.

“Hello?”  
“Hi Frankie…”

“Hey baby! How are you?”  
I don’t want to lie to him, so I say the truth.

“Not so fine I fear…”

I hear the noise of something that I interpret as a car and I immediately understand that he is working and that at noon is normal that people want a pizza.

“I mean! I-I’m fine, sorry, I forgot you are working, I thought you were playing your guitar around the city, I’m sorry Frank, I’m ok-”

“No no! I stopped, people can wait a little more for their damn pizza” I hear the noise of his motorbike stopping “Tell me what’s happening.”  
I feel a little bit guilty for bothering him during his shift, as it’s a little bit of pathetic, childish and also gay to call your boyfriend because someone’s treating you like shit.

_But I fear I’m all of these three things after all._

“I fucking hate Melanie… She continuously yells at me because I don’t kiss her in a proper way and I’m so sick of hearing her voice! I hate this play…”

“What the fuck did she say!?”

I know that Frank hates when people tell me I’m not good at something, especially when it comes to my acting skills and, most importantly, my kissing skills…

I smile a little.  
“That I’m not a good kisser and I know, I mean, I’m not so good, but-”

“I want to insult her so much! How did she dare!? I already hate the fact that you have to kiss her, I mean! Why your damn professor doesn’t accept the fake kisses??”  
“He accepts them Frankie, but she said that-”

“You just have to do what you’re comfortable with, okay?” he interrupts me again “She is nobody, she has to consider herself lucky because she’s acting with you, that stupid bitch…”

I know that Frankie doesn’t know anything about the acting world, but I fear I can’t accept his advice, because when someone’s is not okay with acting a scene, nobody really cares…

I fear that none will listen to me and even say that I am right, because I’m the “strange one” now, the guy who always arrives late to class and who doesn’t pay so much attention anymore, so I’m the last who can express their opinion.

“Okay Frank…” I say in a low and not so convinced tone.

“I’m so sorry Gee… if I could, I would punch her in the face, but I fear it wouldn’t be very fair as she is a girl.”

“Right…” I say smiling a little, looking at the clock and noticing that I have to return to class again.

“I have to go now Frankie, I’ll tell you later if it goes better.”  
“Okay baby, but remember that I know who you are and so I know that you are a good actor, or you wouldn’t have obtained the leading part, that you can convince her to fake kiss so you’ll be more comfortable with the role, and, most important point, that you are a very good kisser and she doesn't have idea of how much I love your kisses and how lucky I am to be yours…” and then he hung up, leaving me with a stupid smile on my lips and the cheeks barely red.

I really hope he’s right, because I can’t stand another day of rehearsal with her yelling at me and because I’m starting to understand just now that I don’t like acting as much as my parents hope.

“Okay, let’s start again with the third scene!”  
_I just hope she will shut her mouth._

*********

“My God, I can’t stand her anymore!”  
The rehearsal did not go well at all and in the end I have obtained nothing but a _“faggot”_ yelled at me for no reason and a stupid conversation with my professor telling me that I have to behave in a better way if I want to continue to study here.

“You need to calm down honey, or you-”

“Calm down!? Are you serious Frank!?”  
As soon as we got home I literally exploded, externalizing all my indignation and yelling at Frank for no reason.

“Yes, I am serious! Because you have already smoked five fucking cigarettes and we've been home for around an hour.” He says, taking the cigarette I have between my fingers and starting to smoke it.

“Fuck off Frank…” I say under my breath, cause I know he’s right, but I also know that I don’t want to do this play anymore.

“What did you say princess…?” He asks me with a little smile on his face and starting to walk towards me.

I smile too.

“I say fuck off Frank!” I repeat with a dumb expression, and then I feel him tickling my belly.

I start to laugh like an idiot.

“Stop it! I’m mad, I don’t want to laugh and-Please Frankie!”  
He learned that when I’m angry and offended by something, the only way to make me reason again is making me laugh like a kid.

“Yeah, but these are my cigarettes, and I also hate to see you so upset…” He says, stopping tickling me and lifting my chin to kiss me sweetly.

“Can we talk in a more relaxed way about your day, sweetie?”

I nod a little in response, kissing him again and so making him smile.

“Okay… let’s seat on the sofa since I’m tired, and then you can start with your complaining.”

We seat practically in each other's arms and I start with my terrible day’s story.

“Well… Let’s say that my professor hates me, and that Melanie seems to hate me too because of my poor kissing skills…”

He suddenly stops me by kissing me deeply.

“She’s an idiot, your kissing skills are more than perfect baby…”

“That’s not the point Frank” I say with the biggest smile of all on my face “She seems to not accept anything I do and I really tried all the existing options!” I say almost crying.

“Hey Gee… you have to think that it’s just a stupid play, okay?” He tries to cheer me up, but all seems useless.

“But the professor is on her side too…” I hug him a little tighter “He says me that he didn’t like my ‘ _pointless little show’_ , as he called it, of three fucking weeks ago a-and I don’t know what to do! How can he remember what happened three damn weeks ago!?”  
I’m really hopeless by now, I fear that they will kick me out of the school for real.

“Wait, what show is he talking about?”

_I knew he would have asked…_

“Well… It may have happened that three weeks ago I put on some kind of a pathetic show in front of my entire class, yelling at Melanie because she was accusing me of not having a boyfriend and yes, I mean, we weren’t a couple yet, but I exploded anyway, as she was continuously saying that I am a liar and also a faggot!”  
He looks at me with an amused expression and so I immediately understand that I’ve said something wrong.  
“What?” I simply ask him.

“But sweetie, you are a faggot after all, and this little show of yours is a perfect proof!” He says laughing like a dork, and then kissing my cheek after seeing my offended expression.

“I was joking, I just wanted to make the situation better…” he adds while stroking softly my cheek “I don’t know baby, I-I’m sorry, but I really don’t know what to say, I mean, your professor sucks and this Melanie girl needs to calm down and fuck someone who’s not my beautiful boyfriend!” He says smiling at me, and automatically making me blush.

“But the play will be in a week…” I sadly admitted “I’m fucked…”  
“You’re not Gee, you just have to act your part without thinking about Melanie and your professor and I know that everything will be fine, mh?”

I smile a little at him, just because I know he’s trying his best to cheer me up.  
"Okay Frank…” I say under my breath, cause I know he’s right, even if I also know that I don’t want to do this play anymore, but I also have to admit that I love when he gives me all of these silly attention.  
“How about we stay up all night?” I know it isn’t a real answer, but the expression of pure joy I obtain makes me think that he liked my idea a lot anyway.

“Of course we can! Yes Gee!” and he hugs me even tighter.

I don’t really know what we could do to be honest, I just know that if I’ll go to sleep in around an hour, I won’t sleep at all cause of this stupid feeling of being out of place…

I don’t think to be a good actor, actually I’m a mediocre one, and what is happening in these days is a perfect proof.

“What do you want to do Gee Gee?” He asks me with the biggest smile ever.

“Umh… talk a little?” I say standing up and going to pick a glass of water.

“Or we can plan something for our first month together that happens in six days…”  
I feel him reaching me and hugging me from behind, placing his lips on my neck and so making me shiver.

I freeze.

“Stop it Frank. We don’t have to do anything at all, as the day after I have the play and-”

“Or we could go to bed and then see if something happens…” He whispers on my neck, moving his hands on my chest.

“You are a very determined person, right?”

He nods, and then he starts to kiss my neck, making me shiver even more.

I don’t really know if I like it or if I’m annoyed by it, but for some reason unknown I start to tilt my head to one side, giving him more space for his kisses.

“But you like my determination, don’t you…?”

And when his hands start to move down my belly, something inside me tells me to stop him immediately.

“O-Okay! Calm down Frank, I just want to drink some water.” I say moving away from him and feeling my heart beating faster.

“Okay Gee, never mind…” But the tone he uses makes me understand that it matters and that he really hoped to do something more.

I feel a little bit guilty as I see him sit on the sofa again, pouting a little and keeping his gaze to the floor.  
“Oww Frankie… Don’t be mad, please” I say sitting next to him again and kissing his cheek “I don’t want to do it now, but I promise we will soon, okay baby?”

Against all my expectations, I see him smiling softly and looking at me with no longer disappointment in his eyes.

“Even if I hate the fact that you continuously stop all my attempts to do something even remotely sexual, that’s the first time you call me baby and I really loved that!” He says not losing his bright smile, and so making me smile too.

“At least you won’t get mad at me if I call you with these stupid and cheesy nicknames!”

He looks at me with a very offended expression.

“Hey, fuck off Gee! I love the stupid and cheesy nicknames!” He says pushing me a little but laughing in the meanwhile.

“Oh I know that…” I say while theatrically rolling my eyes “You’re so childish Frankie” I then add with a laugh.

“Oh let’s see how childish I’ll be when I can finally take off all of your clothes…” He says in a whisper, and then he stands up and he goes to put on his pajamas.  
“Hope you won’t talk about it all night long!” I practically yell at him, putting the empty glass on the floor and lying on the sofa.  
“I have better plans for tonight honey!”  
And even if I fear a little his ‘ _better_ _plans’_ , I cannot help but smile.

Sometimes I still think about my life before meeting Frank and, even if we have known each other for so little, I care so much about him and I can’t think about a life without him by my side.

“Hope you have some popcorn, cause I want to watch crappy horror movies hugged all night long!”

_I definitely can't imagine a life without my Frank._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,
> 
> I broke up my computer cause I’m a fuckin idiot and I poured some water on it in September. It is still a miracle that it survived ‘til December, but now I just have an old and slow HP and I would really like to prendermi a badilate sui denti, also because doing the exams online with this computer will be funny…! Considering the fact that for the statistics exam I also have to use a program, SPSS, that I doubt this compute can support… I want to die a little ahah.  
> Anyway! Hope you’ll like this chapter too,  
> Love, Isa (who hopes this year will end very soon) :*

“But if a person works at night, then when they go to sleep in the morning, do you have to say them goodnight or good morning?”  
“But what the fuck are you saying?”  
“I’m serious Frank!”  
In the end we stayed up until six in the morning and I don't think I've ever laughed so much in my entire life

Around three in the morning, we decided to move to my bed for I don’t know what kind of reason, and we started to laugh at everything and to ask very intelligent questions to each other.

“I don’t really care Gee! Why did you think about such a nonsense thing?”

“Cause it’s five in the fucking morning, I’m tired, and I don’t know if I have to say you goodnight or good morning!”  
In the end we didn’t found an answer to this _so importan_ t question, but we continued to laugh without a reason and to kiss each other.

“I don’t know, you dork! And I don’t want to sleep anyway now!”

“I have class at ten this morning, so I have to sleep now!”  
But it didn’t help much, since he started with an endless series of complaining and _“please Gee! Skip the school for me!”_.

And in the end I skipped it for real, since now it is eleven in the morning and I’m still in bed with a sleeping Frank on me.

I don’t know if I can say that it was good idea staying up all night, since we had some awkward moments that are still making my heart beats a little too much than normal.

For example, he obviously tried again to convince me to do _“something more”,_ saying that if I asked him to go to bed, it’s only for this reason.

“That’s not the reason Frank, my God! I’m just tired and my back was suffering a lot on that damn sofa.”

He looked at me with a very unconvinced gaze, and then he took off his pajamas, remaining with only his underwear on.

“And what does it mean, mh?” I asked him trying not to laugh.

“If you see how beautiful I am, maybe you’ll change your mind!” He said me with the stupidest smile of all, so that in the end I took him by his arm and I pulled him on me, making him practically fall on my body.

“You need to shut up more often, you jerk…” And so I shut him up by kissing him.

We also had another awkward moment, just before falling asleep, and this episode made me froze instantly.

“Goodnight my love.” He said, and then he kissed me softly and turned on the other side.

I know that Frank has a very unusual and strange way of relating with others, and so I know that when he said that with me it was love at first sight, he wasn’t lying, but I also know that I’m still struggling to just call him baby or honey, but he already called me “ _my love_ ”…

I really want to make him feel good, maybe even loved in the future, but I’m not ready to accept the fact that he’s already in love with me only after two months.

“But what if this become my home from now on? I feel so good here, I feel go good here with you…” He said while he was hugging me tightly and kissing and biting my poor neck with a certain enthusiasm.

“I-I don’t know Frank, maybe you can look for a-Can you please stop for at least a second!?”  
“Whatever you want princess, but I know that you like when I kiss your neck... You like it a lot.”  
And he’s right, he’s more than right, but I’m feeling like I’ve totally been overwhelmed by Frank and I’m not feeling ready yet.

_For all these reasons, tonight I slept like shit and so the idea of skipping school has become now a reality._

I start to gently rub his side and I feel him getting closer in the meanwhile, and so I continue to caress him and enjoy this cute moment.

I don’t really want to penalize Frank for having feelings for me, I just hope that he will wait for me and for the moment I’ll be finally more confident about all these relationship's things.

“Good morning my love…” he says “Did you sleep well?”  
I pray for my heart to stop beating so hard, and I try to find the best answer to give him.

“Y-Yes…! I mean, we slept for just five hours, but-”

“I can feel your heart beating faster Gee…” he says while sitting on the bed and turning towards me “You have to take it easy baby, since it’s true that you are my love…” and then he stands up, while stretching his back.

“And no, I’m not kissing you just because we just woke up and it is awful to kiss someone before brushing teeth!” He adds, then returning to bed and kissing me on the forehead.

“However, I can kiss your beautiful forehead!” And then he walks out of the room.

I know that I haven’t said anything, that I have not been able to say at least good morning to him, but that _“my love”_ really blocked me.

I move hands to my face and I start to moan in a very frustrated way, because it’s pathetic that I’m not able to have a relationship.

“I can hear you Gee!”

“Give me peace Frank, please!”  
And he obviously starts to laugh even more.

“What did you say?” He asks me, while walking back in the bedroom.

“That you have to give me a little bit of peace!” I say for then sit up and try to stand up.

“I don’t think it will be possible baby”  
But he immediately stops me, by practically assaulting me and so making me fall again on bed.

“I won.” He says with a very pleased smile and giving me a little kiss on the nose.

I smile too, smelling a strong scent of mint and so I immediately understand that in these two minutes he left me alone, he found the time to brush his teeth.

“Have you brushed your teeth?” I ask him anyway, while moving my hands on is back and so hugging him.

“Of course, and you have too princess, since I really want to kiss you, but it would be gross doing it now!”

I burst out laughing.

“You’re really obsessed with this teeth thing…” I say not losing my smile.

“Nope, I just had some experiences in the past and it is gross for real, believe me!”  
For some reason unknown, I feel something inside me switching when he says _“some experiences_ ”, as the image of him kissing someone else, makes me feel kind of jealous without any logic.

“Someone’s jealous…?” he asks me after my long silence “They were jerks, you are my princess now, and you are my one and only love at first sight…”

The fact that he said it with so much sweetness and love in his voice, makes me squirm a little and it also makes me feel so special and wanted.

“You are adorable, you know Gee?” he gives me another small kiss on the cheek “But I won’t kiss you anyway!” and he stands up.

“Okay, I give up! I’ll brush my teeth, are you happy?” I say while standing up and opening my arms as a sign of defeat.

“Of course I am, but I fear you have to brush them while I take my shower.”

 _And then he takes off his underwear._  
“What the fuck Frank!” I promptly cover my face with both hands, blushing like crazy and hearing him laugh.  
“What’s the problem? You have to get used to see me naked, you don’t have to feel embarrassed, stupid!”  
I feel my heart beating at an alarming rhythm, and I also hear him walking towards me.

My hands start to sweat while hearing the sound of his steps getting closer to me.

“Hey? Take off your hands Gee, come on!”  
“Frank, what part of the ‘give me peace’ isn’t clear!?” I yell like a little girl, feeling his eyes fixed on me.

“But Gee we are a couple now, why are you acting like tha-”

“I-I said I don’t want to fuck yet, so I don’t want to see you naked too!” I continue to yell, not moving my hands from my eyes.

“As you wish honey, your loss!” And then he quickly slaps my butt and he return to the bathroom laughing like an idiot.

I can’t find anything to say, as it all happened too fast and as I maybe had the occasion to see him naked for two, or maybe three seconds, and it wasn’t a bad sight at all…

I blush even more just thinking about that.

“You still have to brush your teeth!”  
_I moan again in an even more frustrated way in response._

*********

“Gee I’m sorry! Please, don’t look at me like that!”

He obviously tried to say he’s sorry, and that it wasn’t his intention to make me feel so uncomfortable, but I couldn’t forgive him immediately.

“Please baby! I’m sorry, I’m a jerk! I thought it would have been something funny, not traumatizing!”

“How the fuck can you think that showing me your dick could be something funny!?”

I said with so much anger in my voice that I couldn’t recognize myself.

“I’m sorry Gee… I will never do such a thing again, I promise…” He said in the end, sitting at the table and picking his bowl of cereals with a sad expression on his face.

I then decided that get angry with Frank is the worst thing of all, since it’s so strange and even unnatural to see him so down, as he’s usually so happy and smiling.

“I’m sorry too baby…” I said in the end, sitting on the chair next to him and taking his hand in mine “Let’s forget what happened, okay?”.

“I’m the worst boyfriend ever…” He sadly admitted, not meeting my eyes.

“You’re not! Why did you say that?” I tried to make him reason, caressing his hand in the gentlest way.

“Cause you clearly said you don’t want to sleep with me yet, but I showed you my dick anyway and that’s not fair!”

I smiled a little after hearing him saying that, and so I decided to tell him that indeed I’ve seen his dick even if I covered my eyes and that it wasn’t bad at all.

“I knew you would have liked it!” he said in the end, laughing like crazy and so putting an end to this little and stupid fight we had.

“You promised me a kiss if I would have brushed my teeth, or am I wrong…?”

And so we had our breakfast, consisting in kisses and very little food.

We then decided to also change my bed’s sheets and maybe asking him to do so wasn’t a very smart decision…

“I have never changed the sheets on the bed…” He said while watching at me with a very interested expression as I was removing the sheets.

“What…?”  
“I swear I’ve never changed the damn sheets in my entire life, my mother used to do that, or I simply slept in a very dirty bed.”  
“You are obsessed with this teeth thing, but you slept in a bed full of your fucking sweat and smelly…?”

“Yep.”

And so my intent to be a good guy who changes his bed’s sheets once every two weeks, has turned into a pillow fight with a very stupid but also cute Frank.

“It’s so funny to do it!” He said in the end, while he was putting one of the dirty sheet on his head.  
“You’re a dork Frank…”  
“But you adore me Gee Gee!”  
_And he’s more than right._

We then decided, or better to say he decided, to dye his hair, since _“blonde is boring!”_ and since now he wants to dye them in red.

“Red? Are you sure?” I asked him with a very confused tone, as he was putting the box of hair dye in my hands.

“I am more than sure” he says while kissing my cheek “Red is the color of love, it would be so romantic if you help me…”

And I obviously found myself helping him with this dying thing.

I have to admit that I don’t know if it would fit him, I mean, his haircut is already unusual, if he dyes his head in red keeping that damn cut, I think everyone would turn to look at him as he walks down the street.

“Have you finished Gee? My neck hurts a lot in this position…” He asks me while he’s literally sitting in the bathroom sink and he’s smoking a cigarette.

“It isn’t easy to dye them without coloring also the black part baby.” I say while rolling my eyes as I hear him moan annoyingly in response.

He’s such a child sometimes, I know that he’s the same age as me, but sometimes he does some little things that make me understand that he’s still a kid, and that I really don’t know how he was able to live these two months alone without his parents.

“Don’t you miss them?” I ask him then, but I immediately notice his confused look.

“Who?”

“Your parents, I mean, you haven't seen them for two months by now, and maybe you-”

“No, I don’t miss them at all.” He said me with a very cold and detached voice.

I stop dying his hair, since this reaction makes me immediately understand that he misses them instead, and also a lot.

“You don’t have to say that to appear _‘more adult_ ’, it is normal if you miss them, they’re your parents Frankie, you don’t have to feel weak if you miss them.” I say using the sweetest and more peaceful voice of the whole world.

“That’s not the problem my love…” he says in a little more than a whisper “What if they have called me at least three-hundred times, sent me around one thousand messages and I didn’t reply to any of them…?”

I feel my heart breaking a little after hearing him say that, and also after seeing his sad and guilty look. I hug him.

“Baby…” I feel him crying on my shoulder and hugging me tighter and, even though I know that in this way he’s leaving his hair dye on my t shirt, I continue to hug him and let him cry.

“I’m the worst son ever… I won’t be surprised if they told me they hate me…” He said not stopping crying, but this time I stop hugging him to be able to look into his eyes.

My heart breaks while looking at him.

“They don’t hate you Frankie, I bet they’re just scared and worried about you and your health… did they at least know where you were going when you left home?”

He shakes his head in response as to say no.

“And have you at least written them a message saying that you’re fine and you’re not living on the streets?”  
Ha shakes his head again.

“Frank they must be terrified by now” I gently stroke his cheek “Why don’t you call them now?”  
He looks at me like I’ve said that I’ve just killed a man.

“And how do you think they will react!? I-I’ve never said anything in two fucking months and now I miraculously call them??”

I smile at him in response.

“Baby you’re their only child, how do you think they’re feeling now?”  
“Are you saying that to make me feel guilty?”  
“Not at all!” I immediately say, while moving my hands to his shoulder and try to meet his eyes again “I just mean that they won’t be mad at you if you call, but they will be relieved and happy, because you’re fine, more than fine, and because you still think about them even if you all had such a bad fight.”

He smiles a little at me, while blowing his nose.

“You think so…?”  
“I think so!” I say giving him another kiss on his soft cheek.

“Hope you’re right honey and, I warn you, if they yell at me again, it would only be your fault!” He says while picking his phone, but I immediately see that his hands are shaking like crazy, so I stops him by promptly taking his hands in mine.

“Put the call in speakerphone, so I can hear it too and it would be easier for you.” I suggest him, and he nods at me in response.

I see him picking the phone with his hands still shaking, and when he presses the button to start the call, his breath stops for a second.  
“Everything will be fine Frankie…” I whisper in his hear, hearing him start to breath normally again.

“Hello…?” Asks the voice of a woman that I think is his mother, but no words exit his mouth.

“Frank?? Is that you? That’s your number, is that you??”

He looks at me with terrified eyes and I can easily understand how scared he is now.

I squeeze his hand in response.

“Who is it? Did you hurt my child?? Who is-”

“I-It’s me mom…”

“My love! How are you?? Is everything okay? We miss you so much!” She says while crying and I immediately notice that also my Frank is crying like a baby.

I smile softly at him, and then I kiss him on the forehead and I make a sign to say that I would have waited for him in the other room.

“I missed you too and I’m sorry, I-I”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault, we all make mistakes honey.”

I feel so relieved with the idea of my Frankie clarify the situation with his parents, but then a little part of my heart breaks when I hear his mother says “ _where are you? We can pick you up, so you return home!_ ”, because I don’t want Frank to leave, since I care so much about him and I’ve become more than used to this situation.

“No mom, I don’t want to come back home, I like my life here and I also have a beautiful boyfriend, his name is Gerard.”  
But hearing him say that, makes me smile and calm down a little, as I don’t really think that Frank wants to leave me alone and return to his old life.  
“He’s a very nice guy, yes, I mean, I would sleep on the street if I hadn't met him! He saved me…”  
And my eyes water a little after hearing him say that, so I return to the bathroom and I hug him tight.

_‘I saved him’, I couldn't have wished for more._


	15. Chapter 15

In the end Frank talked with both his parents and even if his mother seemed to have forgiven him, it can’t be said the same for his father.

“I didn’t except him to forgive me… Don’t worry my love…” He said me when we went to sleep together, as I decided that sleeping in two different beds it’s stupid now, also because I love hugging and snuggling with him before falling asleep.

“Anyway, I’m sorry Frankie…”

“It doesn’t matter, he hates me since before I left home.”  
And so he said me the reason why his father hates him so much, but in the end I found myself understanding him and so I thought too that Frankie did a very stupid thing.

“Why didn’t you tell me…?”  
“Why should I have? Now you think I’m just a bitch!”  
I found out that before me, Frank had just one boyfriend, so he kissed just one guy, or better to say one man, and not six live he said me. He was a twenty-nine years old man, already married with a woman, and so Frank was his secret lover.

“I didn’t know he was married, I would never have agreed to become his boyfriend otherwise!” he said with withheld tears in his eyes “Believe me Gee, I’m not that kind of guy…”  
He also said me that when he finally found out that the man was married, it was too late, since his wife already found out and was ready to make a big mess and maybe to also kill him. In the end his parents, or better to say his father, managed to make the woman reason offering her money, and so she decided to forget what happened.

“My father practically accused me to be some kind of a slut, also because he didn’t know that I was gay, also my mother found it out with this magic episode.” He said me in the end with a very guilty expression on his face and with a forced laughter.

“You’re a disaster Frankie” I said with a smile after some moments of silence “But you’re my disaster now, and I promise you I’m not married!” I said laughing a little, and then he kissed me, repeating a series of _“thank you”_.

“I’m just mad cause you said me you had lots of boyfriend before, but you were lying!”  
“I wanted to make you believe that I’m a very requested guy and so you had to hurry up…” and we laughed.

I believe that he didn’t know about the marriage, and so it is useless to get mad, but if I was his father, I would probably have been angry too.

“At least my mother doesn’t hate me! I promised her to call more frequently, I love her” he said before turning off the lights “And I also love you for believing me and for not changing your mind about me…” he added in the end, and then he kissed me softly and wished me a goodnight.

_But this time I couldn't help but talk._

“W-What do you mean??” I asked with a little bit of panic in my voice.

“What do I mean _what_?” He said me with a little laugh, and moving a hand to my cheek.

“You said you love me, b-but what do you mean? I don’t think you’re referring to love intended as love for real, or am I-”

But he stopped my stupid flow of words by kissing me.

“You can interpret it as you prefer princess…” And he turned to the other side.

I know that Frank is different from me, but I really hope he doesn’t mean he loves me for real! I can accept the fact that he cares about me maybe too much, but I really hope he doesn’t love me.

_I've only known him for two months, I can’t believe he already loves me..._

For all these reasons, this morning I did my best to not waking him up, but I just kissed his soft cheek and I went to the bathroom to get ready for today’s class.

I’m super anxious today, in part for Frankie and this _“I love you”_ , and in part for the play and the fact that yesterday I skipped the rehearsals. Indeed, I really fear that today my professor won’t be happy about my absence, considering the fact that I don’t have a great excuse for it.

As soon as I enter the room where me and my classmates have to do the rehearsals, I feel everyone looking at me.

I wave them while smiling nervously, and then I see the figure of my professor blocking my way.

“Good morning Way” he firmly says “Could I know what happened yesterday?”

I immediately froze and I start to think about a great explanation, even if I know that with his severe gaze on me, I can never find a decent excuse.

“Umh… I was sick, I mean, I had a bad stomachache.” I say while smiling, or at least trying to do that.

“I’ll try to believe you…” he says while looking at me from head to toe “Since we have the play in four days and I really hope you didn’t skip the class by your choice, but that you were sick for real.”

I nod like an idiot in response, blushing a little and hoping he will now stop to look at me.

“Okay, we can rehearse the whole play from the beginning now that Way honored us with his presence!”  
I hear all my classmates complaining and whispering under their breath, probably something against me, but I try to not care about them and I walk toward the place I have in the beginning of the play.

“I don’t believe you were sick…” I hear Melanie whispering in my hear, smiling a little and looking with a complicit look other two guys.

“I’m sorry you don’t believe the truth…” I whisper back at her, not caring at all about her and what she thinks.

“Oh come on Gerard! We all know that you were with your weird boyfriend, you could have at least come here for the rehearsals though, then you could have been with him later…” she comes a little closer to me “you could have fucked later.”  
I snap in response.

“Can I know what the fuck do you want from me? I honestly can’t understand what’s your problem.”  
“My problem is that since you've been together, you've been acting like shit and I don’t want to look like an idiot because of you!” She finally adds, for then smiling at the professor and say that we’re ready to start.

Contrary to what she said, I can’t move from where I am but I can just think about the fact that she’s right, that I’m not a good actor anymore, I have never been if I have to be honest, as I was just pretending to know how to act. My parents pushed me in this direction, but I never wanted to be an actor in first place.

“Way? Are you with us?”

I blink in response, as I’m coming back from a dream, and then I nod in a very unconvinced way at my professor.

“Awesome! Let’s start.”

_I don’t think I will be able to act in an at least decent way anymore._

*********

“Okay, can you tell me what happened?”  
“It was nothing Frankie…”

After the awful rehearsals have ended, Frank came in front of the school to get me.

I obviously noticed my classmates’ looks when he arrived, since now that he has the red hair, he’s even more noticeable. I love his new look, he’s simply stunning, but I hate the fact that some of my stupid classmates found him funny.

“Hey sweetie!” he said me as soon as I exited the school “How was your day?” he added and then tried to kiss me.

I never cared about other people’s ideas and opinions, but today I cannot help but feel ashamed…

“Oh, nothing? You were ashamed of me!”  
I acted in a very mean way, I know, since his sad and confused look as I turned my head to the other part when he wanted to kiss me, made me feel like a monster.

“I’m not ashamed of you! W-What the fuck Frank!”  
_But indeed I was…_

I remember that after the attempt of kissing me, I took his hand in mine and I practically ran away, directed only God knows where. I obviously noticed his disappointment and his cold silence, and I knew that sooner or after he would have told me something.

“You were Gerard, don’t lie!”

And so, while we were walking towards the subway, he suddenly stopped in the middle of the road to ask me what is happening.

“I wasn’t baby, I was just… I-It was…” I’m panicking, as today is already the second time I find myself helpless and without knowing what to say.

“I’m listening!”  
But no words exit my mouth, as it is true that I felt ashamed.

After the lesson has finished, Melanie and other three of my classmates insisted to make me aware of the fact that I’m ruining their play, that I don’t deserve the leading role, that I’m the worst actor in the whole world, that they will make my life a nightmare if I continue to act that way and that I’m just a useless and stupid faggot like _“my embarrassing and ridiculous boyfriend”_.

The saddest thing is that I couldn’t do anything but run out of school to meet Frank and, after noticing my classmates’ gazes, not kissing him…

“I’m sorry Frank…” I say in the end, and then I hug him.

I feel my body warm up after feeling him hugging me tighter.

“Bad day honey…?” I nod in response.

“Melanie’s fault?” I nod again, feeling him loosening the embrace.

“Can we have dinner out tonight? So you can tell me what happened and we can also have our first very romantic dinner…” And he quickly kisses me on the lips.

I found myself nodding again in response, while smiling a little at him.

“Awesome!” another small kiss “Follow me baby, we’ll have fun tonight!”

I immediately understand that he’s walking towards the Subway near my school, as he seems to love this place, but he’s lucky that I’m so hungry that I could literally eat a pair of shoes and so I do not object.

“Not so romantic I fear!” I just say while laughing, for then seeing him sticking his tongue out in response and whisper something like _“I didn't know you were so noble”_.

I continue to laugh a little and in the meanwhile I start to think about what to tell him, since I feel like a high school kid who always complains about his classmates and how the others cannot understand him.

“You can talk while we reach the place.” He suddenly says, smiling at me in a comforting way, but I fear that I really don’t know where to start, I don’t even know if I have to tell him that they talked shit about him and that I didn’t have the guts to defend him.

“Basically, all my classmates think that I’m the worst actor ever cause we are a couple.” And even if it seems a ridiculous thing, this is the truth.

Needless to say, he bursts out laughing.

“What the fuck?”

“I swear it is the truth! They said that since we are together, my acting skills got worse.”

He stops and turns to me, this time with a confused expression.

“Okay your classmates are literally dickheads, I mean, how can it be possible?”

I don’t have the guts to say him that indeed it’s true, it’s true that he had a bad impact on my acting skills, but it also true that he brought so much joy in my life that I couldn’t care less about theater.

“Don’t get me wrong Frank, but indeed it’s true that my acting skills got worse since I know you.” I say while smiling, and in response he punched me on the arm smiling in turn.

“Do you think I will say you sorry? Cause I don’t think it will happen!”

In response, I take his face in my hands and I kiss him deeply in the middle of the road, not caring anymore about other’s opinions.

“Not so ashamed after all…” I say before giving him the time to find an answer, leaving him speechless. I love when it happens, I love to see his cheeks barely red and this little smile appear on his face, cause it makes me understand that after all, I have someone who cares about me too, even if I’m just Gerard and I’m not that much.

“What an exhibitionist…” He whispers on my lips, before kissing me again.

“Okay…” he then says interrupting the kiss “Now I really want to know how my presence has such a bad impact on your acting abilities.”

I don’t really know what to say, because I really want to understand the reason why too, but I just know that since I’ve known him, I can’t help but think about him too much. I know that it isn’t a real excuse, but I think about Frank far more often than I think about theater.

“I simply think about you way too much…” I say under my breath, while smiling a little “You have become my main thought and you made me understand how theater isn’t my way.”

He keeps silent for some moments, looking at me with an indecipherable expression, and so I ask myself what I did wrong.

“What…?” I then ask with a nervous laughter.

“I can’t understand if you really mean what you said, or if you’re joking, cause it is a really cheesy thing Gee, and even if I love a lot cheesy things, you’re not the type, and-”

“I’m serious Frank” I roll my eyes “I’m more than serious, you dork…” and then I gently stroke his cheek.

“I feel like I’m becoming a distraction for real then, my love…”  
Indeed he is, I know that I have more than accepted the fact that he entered and changed my life, but it’s also true that he always been a distraction, my favorite distraction ever.

“You are a distraction Frank” I smile at him “But it’s also true that theater was my parents’ dream, not mine.”

“And what’s your dream baby?” He asks me, interested for real, so I understand that it would useless to keep the secret again.

“Since you already heard me singing, I think I can tell you…” I lower my gaze “I always dreamt of becoming a singer of some famous band a-and I know that it is a very silly thing, but I've always asked my parents to make me attend a music school. You can easily understand what their response was…” I said with a sad note in my voice, remembering how destroyed I felt when they said me that singing was the stupidest thing of all.

He makes a happy and delighted expression after hearing me confessing my dream like a little kid would do, and then he hugs me while saying _“I knew it!”._

“What do you mean?” I ask him holding back laughter after his reaction.

“I knew you didn’t like theater, I mean, you already told me that your father is a very severe type and shit like that, but I knew you didn’t like at all it!”

“I didn’t say that I don’t like theater, I just said-”

“Baby please…” he interrupts me “It’s way cooler that you want to become a singer, since you could if you want, I mean, your voice is amazing!”

I softly smile at him, because he’s right, my dream it’s way cooler than theater, but I fear that I don’t have money to or even idea of how to attend a music school.

“I appreciate the fact that you like my dream, but I fear I lost my occasion to become a singer…”  
“That’s not true honey!” he says full of joy “You can come with me and sing while I play the guitar and in this way I know for sure that someone will notice us!”

I love his naivety and his childlike way to approach every obstacle he meets, but I really don’t think I could find the self-confidence to sing in front of all these people.

“Nah baby, I don’t think it could work… I’m not that good a-and I know I would panic...” I sadly admit, but then he puts his finger on my lips as to interrupt my self-pity speech and smiles at me.

“You will be amazing Gee, I know that, you have to believe me.” He said not losing his smile, and so I find myself believing him a little.

“I will think about that…” I say with a joking tone, seeing him sticking out his tongue again and restarting to walk towards Subway.

“Now we will have our amazing and super romantic dinner, and then we will go back home so I’ll be able to show you how dreams can be achieved also without money!”

I know I won’t be able to stop him, since now that he has thought of his plan, I just have one option, which is listening to him.

“You’ll see my love, it will be fun and you definitely need more fun in your life!”

 _I smile a little, since with him is impossible not to have fun and to want to push me a little more to try new things_.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year my dearest ones!
> 
> I should have studied today, but ssshhht!  
> Here's the chapter where everything will change, hope you’ll like it and so hope you’ll like this drastic changing.  
> All my love, Isa :*  
> (p.s. In the next chapter Gerard will have lot of regrets about his decision!)

“You can’t go to your damn school like this!”  
“I have to! I can’t decide otherwise!”

It may have happened that yesterday our dinner went on for a little too long, as at some point we decided to take a walk until midnight, talking about Frank’s brilliant plan together with two or maybe three beers to keep us company.

“Gerard you threw up all night long!”  
It may also have happened that Subway was full of people, and so we decided to eat our damn sandwiches outside, with an unbearable cold, the beers and a little bit of anxiety due to the play.

“I can’t skip class again Frank! The play will be in three days!”  
Due to all these episodes, it happened that as soon as we returned home, my stomach started to hurt a lot and then I threw up for all the night.

“Gee please! Try to reason, you can’t go, you know that.”  
And even if I know for sure that I can’t and that my stomach is still hurting like crazy, I fear that I can’t decide to stay home with him. He took care of me all night long, helping me to reach the bathroom and taking me to bed when I was finally over with vomiting, not stopping to repeat me sweet words and to kiss my forehead every time I started to cry. In fact, I’m used to cry when I have a stomachache since I was a child, as I feel like dying when it happens and even if it’s a very childish thing, I can’t help it.

“Don’t cry baby… Everything is fine.” He said while hugging me in bed, but I fear that nothing is fine, since now I have to go to class in this miserable state.

“I have to Frank…” I say with a sad voice, trying to smile a little at him, but feeling like shit.

“You don’t have to, I can call your school and say that you are sick, this time it’s true honey, they can’t force you!” he gently strokes my cheek “Okay?”  
I would really like to say yes, to stay home sleeping and snuggling with him, but I already took my decision.

“I can’t baby” I quickly kiss his forehead “We’ll see this evening, okay?”

He rolls his eyes and looks at me with an annoyed expression.  
“No, you will only go to rehearse, then I will pick you up and we will go home, and I do not accept a no this time.”

I nod a little bit unconvinced, trying not to think about my poor stomach, and then I pick my jacket and reach the door.

“Hey! Where did good manners go?” He says pointing his cheek with his index finger, and so I immediately understand what he’s asking me to do.

“Spoiled boy…” I murmur with a smile, for then kissing his cheek and go out.

I really hope not to throw up in the middle of the rehearsals, since I still don’t feel okay now, but I know that my professor would literally kill me if I skip another time.

I practically start to run as soon as I feel how cold is outside, so that reaching the subway becomes my biggest goal.

I spend the whole journey with my eyes closed, trying not to throw up every time the metro train makes some strange movements, and for reason unknown, I manage to survive also this step.

As soon as I exit the subway, the cold attacks me again, making my teeth chatter and also making my stomach hurt again. I start to think that maybe I should have listened to Frank, as now I’m feeling like shit and the idea of throwing up during the rehearsals is rapidly becoming a reality.

_“ill be out of your school by one. call me if you feel bad baby, and ill arrive as soon as possible <3”_

I feel like an idiot while reading this message, cause he was right, I can’t go school like this, but here I am.

_“ok frankie, see you later!!”_

And I enter the school.

I’m a little bit late, since this morning I struggled a little to make Frank understand that indeed I had to go, but I don’t think that five minutes can be considered a delay for real.

“You’re late Way, as usual.”  
Or maybe I underestimated the situation.

“I’m sorry professor, but I had a very bad night…” I try to defend myself with the most annoyed voice ever.

“I don’t care Way! You’re always late, have you understood that the play will be in three days!?”  
“I have, professor” I make a very fake smile “We have to start then!” and I turn away, not waiting for an answer but feeling my stomach practically yelling at me to stop and rest a little.

“I don’t like your manners Way, I don’t think you know how lucky you are to be here, so show me some respect.”

I nod, trying not to show how much annoyed and angry I am, and I wait for the rehearse to start. I don’t really think that I will be able to stay here until one, I don’t even know if I will be able to act to be honest, but I have to at least try and hope that these three days will pass soon.

“Okay let’s start!” My professor says, and so I start to repeat my stupid part.

As soon as I say the first few sentences, I feel my stomach waking up, so that I immediately stop with a painful expression on my face.

“You can go on Way, come on!”  
_But I can’t really go on…_

“I-I don’t feel well I fear…” I say while caressing my poor stomach. I don’t even know what I can vomit to be honest, since I think that yesterday’s dinner is not in my stomach anymore, but I just know that there’s still something in it.

“Come on Way! I don’t want to joke, I just want to-”

But I interrupt him by throwing up on the floor in front of my whole class and luckily missing his feet.

I hear my classmates complaining and yelling _“you’re disgusting!”,_ and I feel so ashamed and stupid that I could cry.

“Go to the toilet Way…” says my professor with the most disgusted and angry expression “You disappointed me a lot, I didn’t make you the type who drinks so much and that has the guts to come to school in this miserable condition!”

“I didn’t!” I try to defend myself “I-I mean, we drank a little, but it’s not the reason why I’m feeling like that, I swear I wasn’t drunk, I just got cold and-”

“I don’t want to know Way. The role is not yours anymore, Trevor is your substitute and he will be the leading actor. I’m sorry.”

_I feel defeated, I lost._

“N-No, please professor, I-I”

“Shut up you faggot, you’re out, are you deaf?” I hear Trevor says with a very pleasant face, and I really don’t know how I manage not to punch him in his stupid face.

“I wasn’t talking to you, you dickhead…” I says under my breath, but I fear that my voice wasn’t so low as I expected to be.

“What did you say!?”  
But I don’t have time to waste with him.

“Please professor…” I say while caressing again my poor stomach “I didn’t mean it, I’m just sick today, but I decided to come here anyway! I’m a good student, please don’t give my part to Trevor.”

He looks at me with a very sad but determined expression, so I already fear what his answer will be

“I’m sorry Gerard, but you’ve been acting in a very strange way for some time now, I can’t take the risk of choosing you as the lead actor and so maybe make the whole show go wrong” he says while smiling a little at me “If you demonstrate me to still be a good student, I promise you the leading role will be yours in the next play.” he then adds with a smile, for then turning around and return to his place.

“Okay Trevor, you had the opportunity to watch at Gerard’s acting for a while now, so I hope you can act in an at least decent way!” the professor says, as if I were no longer there “Ah Way, please call the janitor as you go out, we cannot continue with your vomit all over the floor.”

I don’t think I have understood well what happened, since my professor seems to have forgotten that I am a person and that I have feelings, so this behavior is more than unacceptable.

“Call him by yourself professor.” I say him, since now that I'm no longer in the show, I don’t fear his judgment anymore.

“Sorry?”

“I say call him by yourself! I’m tired of all of you, you seem to only think about your damn business, and you don’t care about others, so you can call the damn janitor by yourself!” I snap in response, feeling angry and ready to finally let all my thoughts out.

“The professor said you to call the janitor, you pansy!”  
“Go fuck yourself Trevor, I wasn’t talking to you even now!” I yell at him, clenching fists and looking at him with anger.

“What are you trying to prove? You’re acting like a pansy for real, stop it, we have to work now!” He says while making me the gesture to leave, but this time, I shut up for real, feeling the tears start to run down my face.

“Poor baby!” He says while pretending to cry and smiling at me in a very mean way.

“Okay Trevor, stop it now, this behavior is unacceptable, are you crazy??” My professor says, but I no longer care about him or the play, so I just pick my phone and I start to walk out of the class.

“Hi sweetie! How are you? Is everything ok-”

“C-Could you please pick me up now…?” I say while crying like a baby.

“What happened Gee!? Is your stomach okay??”

“Just come here Frank… please…”  
“I’m coming love, I’ll be there in ten minutes!”

I don’t know how I could tell my parents that I won’t act in the play anymore, I don’t even know if I want to go to this damn school again but I just know that I hope Frank will be here soon.

_I feel so alone, maybe it’s true that Gerard needs to be alone, as I always ruin things when I try to have a friend or boyfriend that is, and I hate it with all my heart…_

*********

“Hey my baby… What happened?”

“I’m out Frankie… They don’t want me in the play anymore…”

“W-What…?”  
In the end I told him what happened, paying attention to carefully describe how both the professor and Trevor acted and treated me, and I think that the one who felt angrier was him.

“But you were sick! It wasn’t your fault, what the fuck!”

I tried to make him understand that they understood that yesterday I drank, that indeed a reason why I’m feeling like that is related to alcohol.

“But you just drank two beers Gee.”  
“I’m not used to drink, it was my second time, considering also it was so fucking cold yesterday! I think we made a series of bad decisions yesterday…”

He started apologizing to me, saying that it was his fault, that he should have thought about that, and that he wanted to talk to my professor saying it was all his fault.

“It’s not your fault Frank, I decided by myself to stay out ‘til midnight and to drink, you didn’t force me…” I said while wiping away tears, but feeling even worse than this morning.

“I know Gee, b-but now you won’t act anymore, and I know that you cared about the role you had and-”

“I didn’t care at all about the role baby… I just wanted to make my parents proud of me, nothing more. I told you that I don’t care about acting, also my classmates are trash.” I said in the end, trying to smile and caressing his cheek.

“I know, but-”

And in the end I kissed him, closing his stupid mouth and making him smile a little.

“You’re not angry with me then?” He said with the sweetest and cutest expression ever.

“I’m not, _my love_.” He smiled like crazy, and then we kissed again.

“You know what Frank?” I asked then, laughing like an idiot.  
“What?”  
“I met you exactly here, on this damn step, and you were exactly sitting here!” I said not stopping laughing for no apparent reason.

“And why are you laughing, you dork?” He asked me with an amused smile on his face.

“Cause you were fucking right, I think it was fate for real that made us meet…”

And then he kissed me for the thousandth time.

“We’ll figure out how to explain your parents why you’re out of the play, okay?” He said with a very reassuring smile.

“Okay…” I answered with a little unconvinced tone, since I fear my father will kill me but not for the play itself, but for Frank and our relationship. Frank is indeed the biggest distraction ever, he won’t forgive me for this _“mistake”._  
“Can we stand up now please? I think my ass has frozen!” He then said while laughing, and so he offered me his hand and now I’m standing up still crying a little but happier than before.

“Owww my love… stop crying, please” he says while kissing away some of the tears “Now we will go home, so I could take care of you, mh?”  
I nod a little, continuing to enjoy all the little kisses he’s giving me, and feeling a little better for real, since I’m starting to forget about the play and everything that happened before.

“Poor little pansy… You asked for help?”

But then Trevor obviously found something to say.

I didn’t notice that indeed it’s already one pm, and so my classmates and other students are starting to come out to have their lunch.

I should have thought about that, since I really don’t know how Frank can react now…

“It’s him?” He asks me under his breath, and so I have to nod again in response.

He kissed me again on the cheek, wink at me and starts to walk toward him.

_I just hope he won’t make a show in front of everyone…_

“Hey dickhead!” _bad start…_ “Is that you that mistreat my boyfriend?”

In response, he laughs.

“Mistreat? Oh God… don’t you think you’re overestimating what happened?”  
“No, indeed no, since there’s a reason if he’s crying, or I am wrong?”

“Yeah, you’re right” he says crossing his arms “The reason is that he’s a fucking faggot, like you.”

I have understood that Frank is a very impulsive person, his past relationship, his idea of running away from home, also the way he asked me if I could host him, so I don’t really know but I can just fear, how he will react.

“Sorry but I’m not sure I have understood…” He says standing in front of him, with a very offended expression but still not looking intimidating at all.

“You’re very short, you know?” Trevor says, for then putting a hand of Frank’s head, patting him.

“Take your fucking hand away from my head.”

“Or what pansy?”  
Since I really think that at this point the situation can just worsen, I try to stop Frank by taking him by his hand.  
“Come on Frankie, let’s go home, it doesn’t matter.”  
“Indeed it matters Gerard!” he snaps, promptly taking away Trevor’s hand “He doesn’t have the right to treat you like that, I’m so done with people like you! He just lost his role, why are you treating him like that!?”

I love the fact that Frank is defending me, but it’s also true that I hate being the center of attention, and if he continues to yell like that, then we will catch everyone’s attention very soon.

“Cause it’s funny.” Trevor says, while shrugging and fake smiling at us.

“You know what is also funny…?” Frank says with a very unconvinced smile, so I know that he has something in mind.

“Baby let's go home… Please.” I try to convince him by whispering in his hear to stop this show, but it’s too late.

He promptly spits on Trevor’s jacket, laughing like crazy after seeing his expensive jacket now dirty.

“What the fuck! You moron!” And then happens what I was fearing, since I know that Trevor is a very aggressive person, and I’m not surprised to see that he punched _my Frank’s_ face.

“Now we’ll see if you still want to laugh!” He adds with a very proud expression, while I immediately go to see how Frank is doing.

“F-Frank, how are you? Are you-Oh God! He punched you hard!”

If there is a thing that I hate more than throwing up, that’s blood, and seeing his nose bleeding like that has anything but a good effect on my poor stomach.

“Let me go Gerard!”

But he frees himself alone from my hold, going again towards Trevor and punching him on his nose in turn. _  
_ “Frank stop! It’s not necessary, please!”  
But it’s like they can’t hear me, as they continue to punch themselves like it’s a normal thing. We also have captured everyone’s attention, since the whole school is looking at the scene, recording the fight with their phones and cheering like idiots.

I have to do something, I know that he won’t listen to me, that he won’t stop until he will fall to floor unconscious, and I fear the only solution is helping him.

_And so I start to punch Trevor too._

I know that this will probably ruin my entire career in this school, that my parents will hate me for the rest for their life if they find out that their _“perfect son”_ fought in front of his rich school to protect his boyfriend, but there's nothing I want to do but beat this asshole and protect my Frank.

He punches me on the nose too of course, and I start bleeding too, but I can’t stop, since the adrenaline’s levels are too high to stop, I’m too full of anger to stop, and I feel too-

“What’s happening!?”

Of course the professor has been attracted by all the noise my classmates and other students are making, and of course he has found me and Frank busy to punch his new leading actor on his beautiful face that in three days everyone will see.

“Are you all gone crazy!? What this all means!?”

“It means that this idiot is the worst person ever!”

Frank is the first one to break the silence, answering my professor’s answer and cleaning his face full of blood with his sleeves.

“Sorry, but who are you?”

“I’m Gerard’s boyfriend, and I was just trying to-”

“Way are you gone mad?? Have you called this guy to punch Trevor cause he has your role now!?”  
It’s understandable that the professor has misunderstood the situation, I would have done that too if I was him, but it’s exactly the opposite of what he’s thinking.

“N-No! I just asked Frank to pick me up form school, and Trevor bothered us without a reason and-”

“Shut up Way! You know it’s not what happened…” Says that little shit that Trevor is, while stroking his arm with a fake pain expression.

“You asshole! You know it’s not Gerard’s fault!”

But even if Frank is right, I know that the professor will believe Trevor, as the whole situation is completely against us.

“I don’t care about your opinion, kid!” my professor says “Way you’re out of this school, you can’t return to this place neither now nor ever, we cannot accept this kind of episodes here, I’m so disappointed.”

“B-But you can’t, it was me that started the fight, it’s not his fault, I-I”

“I told you I don’t care about your opinion kid.”

Even if I know that I should feel devasted by these news, I can’t help but feeling happy and relieved, since now that I have the prohibition of going to school, I know that I won’t feel so nervous or out of place in this damn place anymore.

For all these reasons, I start laughing.  
“Well, I think I have to say you goodbye professor!” I say while wiping away some blood from my nose “I know that it wasn’t my fault even this time, but since you seem to have decided who is the good guy here, I can just wish you an awful play.” I add, smiling at him and feeling relieved and happy.

“B-But Gee, your parents, you told me they care about this school, and-”

“But I don’t Frankie!” I say taking his bloody face in my hands “I don’t care at all, they forced me, and I’m so happy you kicked me out, so thank you professor! Hope I won’t see you again in the future.” I then add, hugging him and laughing again after seeing all the blood I left on him.

“Way are you crazy…? Did you hurt your head, I-I can’t understand…?” He says, while looking at his dirty shirt and looking at me like I’m crazy for real.

“As I said you once, I’m more than okay, I’m so fucking happy indeed.” I finally say shaking his hand, for then taking Frank by his hand and walking down the stairs, not losing my smile.

“Baby is everything okay…?” He asks me very unconvinced, not sure about what just happened.

“It wasn’t my way Frank, you were right.”  
“B-But I was joking, I mean, if you care about theater, I accept it, I-”

I interrupt his discourse by kissing him at the end of the stairs.

“I don’t care about it, I was just full of anxiety and pressures, but I don’t care at all. I was sad about the role because I was thinking about my parents, nothing more, indeed this is the only part I still have to fix, but I’m so relieved that I don’t have to go there anymore.”  
He looks at me like I’m crazy, but then he burst out laughing and hugs me.

“My God Gee Gee I had such a strange but powerful impact on you.”  
And I laugh too, since he’s right, he had such a strange impact on me, but I love it and I can’t give up on it.

“I would really like to go home now, since I fucking hate blood and it’s still a miracle that I haven't vomited yet.”

“I don't think you could throw up anything other than your stomach now baby!”  
_And we continue to laugh, even if there’s nothing to laugh about and even if I probably fucked up my entire future life, but just the idea of being with Frank, it’s a good reason to laugh and being happy._


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,
> 
> I’m so fucking tired… I’m full of things to study, full of things to be done, neuroanatomy’s exam will be in six days and the only moment I have to write, is the evening/night, as now it’s 1:30 am and I am so damn tired.  
> I really hope that there are not many errors, I’m sorry if otherwise.  
> Hope you like also this chapter,  
> Love you all, Isa :*  
> (p.s. I apologize in advance for the chapter! Love you ahahaha).

“My life is ruined! I-I don’t have a reason to live anymore!”

“It’s not Gee! Don’t be so dramatic.”  
Yesterday we spent the whole day laughing and being happy about what happened, talking about our future plans and my _“on the road career”_ as a singer.

We even bought an ice cream, cause he said that ice cream is a must when someone needs to celebrate. All my attempts to make him aware of the fact that indeed it’s December and so it’s so damn cold, were useless, because he decided to buy me the biggest ice cream ever seen without asking me the permission.

“Gee Gee you need to have more fun!” He said me again, and since I know he’s right, more than right, I tried to have fun for real, I tried to be a normal boyfriend who enjoys his afternoon, and I felt happy for real, I felt fearless and full of unmotivated joy.

“They will adore you my love…” He said me with a sweet smile while he was medicating my poor face, and I believed him, I truly believed that I could have become a singer, but the dream disappeared quickly…

“Frank I’m simply fucked! Becoming an actor was my only chance, now I will be unemployed for the rest of my life…”

“You won’t my baby, you will become a singer, and then-”

“Stop with these bullshits Frank! You truly have to grow up!”

I spent my whole night thinking about what happened and feeling like an idiot for my behavior, since I know that my parents will find out soon what I’ve done and so the fact that I’m no more a student.

“But Gerard, y-you said that you are happy with your decision, that you don’t care about theater and that-”

“Well, I said bullshit, I-I wasn’t serious!” I yell at him, full of anxiety and terrified about my future.

Acting was the only thing I’m able to do, I can’t do anything else, as I’m not good with people or with other types of works that requires empathy, so I’m simply fucked.

This morning my parents called me saying they will come here today to talk and since that moment, I literally lost my mind, insulting Frank and his yesterday’s behavior. After all it’s all his fault if now I’m feeling like that and if I’m forever out of the school.

“But you were Gee…” he says while taking my hands “You were serious, you don’t like acting, you can say that, and you can decide to have a different life from the one your parents chose for you.”

I know he’s right, since it isn’t my way for real, but it’s also true that now I’m just a common guy like many others, without a degree and without a future.

Sure, when I was little, I loved to have fun with my mother and singing all those silly love songs, and even if she was used to say me _“very good Gerard!”,_ I know that I’m not a great singer at all.

“But I’m not good at anything…” I say lowering my gaze “I was just good at acting, but now I lost also this opportunity, I will have a sad and useless life…”

I’ve always had this unmotivated fear of wasting my life, of not doing anything interesting or satisfying, and I fear that now it has become a reality. I will probably die alone in a small and dirty house and it will be just my fault.

“No my sweet love, you won’t…” he says while hugging me “I will help you, we will find a solution and I will always be there for you, I promise.”  
For some reason unknown, these words make me feel angrier and nothing more.

“You can’t help me Frank… it’s just your fault I’m feeling like that and if my life sucks now!” I say full of anger, while loosening the embrace and looking in his eyes.

“What…?”  
I can see that he is hurt by my words, but indeed it is his fault for real.

“You twisted my entire life, you decided that we had to become friends, then lovers, and now look at what happened!”

He looks at me with a defeated expression and sadly smiles at me.

“My fault…? It’s my fault that you said that I was right, that theater isn’t your road, and that I’m your love? It’s my fault, Gee…?”

I feel my heart beating faster after these words, cause I feel a little bit guilty, I feel like it isn’t just his fault, but also mine cause I let him enter my perfect life, and so this mess I’m in is also my fault.

“Yes, I-I mean, you forced me to become your boyfriend and then-”

“I forced you? You really think I forced you…?” he sadly smiles at me “You said that you care about me, that you can’t help but think continuously about me, that you are in love with-” _  
_ “I’m not in love with you Frank, I have never said that, I don’t even like you if I have to be honest! You decided that I was in love with you, but sorry if I am a normal person and I don’t fall in love with people that I know for just two damn months! You have some problems for real cause I really can’t understand how in the actual fuck you could think I’m in love with you, y-you are just a kid! You don’t think about the consequences of your actions, you just run away from your problems, but real life it’s different, and you ruined mine, my God!”

_And then I see him crying and I feel my heart breaking in a million little pieces._

“You know what Gerard?” he says with his eyes full of tears and pointing his finger on his chest “Maybe I’m not normal, maybe I’m even crazy, sure, but at least I have a heart, and I’m not an asshole! I-I wasn’t joking when I said I was in love with you, when I called you baby, honey, or even my love, since I really care about you, maybe too much!” he says crying even more “You know, in the beginning I thought _‘nah Frank, he’s just a rich asshole, he will never love you’_ but I cannot help but think about you every second, as it was love at first sight for real, you dickhead, and I couldn't get you out of my mind! And so I tried and I tried and I tried to get to know you, a-and then surprise! You fell in love with me too and I was like _‘wow Frank! You were right!’_ but maybe I wasn’t, since you’re just an asshole for real!”

I open my mouth, trying to find the right words, but then he interrupts me again.

“And yes, maybe I forced you a little in the beginning, but I thought that for you it was worth it, and you seemed happy yesterday when we were laughing and talking while we were hugged in bed, kissing and snuggling, you seemed happy when we fell asleep in each other arms when you were sick, and you also seemed happy when you sang for me, but I’m not normal after all, so I am wrong for sure!”

I don’t think I could save the situation now, I made such a big mess and Frank is obviously mad at me.

“I-I wasn’t saying that Frank, I am just mad, but I wasn’t serious, I-”

“Oh you indeed were Gerard! And you were also serious when you said that I’m not normal, because you know what? I love you, you dickhead, and wow, we have met just met two months ago, but I love you and I hate that, since sometimes you decide to treat me like shit for no reason, but I’m not okay with that anymore!” he says while running his hands through his unkempt hair “And sorry but I can’t stand your mood changings anymore, you have to decide if you care about me or if you hate me, cause I really can’t stand you anymore!”

I open my mouth, but no words can be heard, because he’s right, I’m an asshole for real and my mood changings are stupid and intolerable.

“How…?” I simply say in the end, since I don’t know what to say.

“What?”

“How can you love me…?” After hearing my question, he laughs hysterically and looks at me with a little bit of compassion in his eyes.

“That’s all you can say…? I-I said you so many things, and you are asking me why do I love you? Are you serious Gerard!?”

I panic, I’m ruining even more the situation, I don’t want to be alone, but I know that I have never seen Frank so hurt and angry before, so I’m fearing that he will leave me for real.

“Why Frank? I-I am so many things but not lovable for sure, you don’t-”

“This wasn’t the point of the discussion Gerard.”

I can understand just now how mean I was and how I treated him like shit just because he cares about me and wants to make me understand how to be loved feels like…

“Never mind Gerard…” he says while walking towards me “I can’t force you to care about me, it’s my fault, you are right, it’s my fault believing that I was important for you, it was my fault believing that you were the right guy, because oh God! My heart is pounding like crazy even now just because you are here, and believe me, usually I don’t fall in love so quickly, but you… you…” he stops in front of me, moving his hand on my cheek, and I stare at him with my eyes wide open and a little bit of fear in them.

“It doesn’t matter…” he says for then kissing softly my cheek “You were not a joke for me, but since you have so many words to say me, I think I was one for you.”

“Why are you speaking in the past…?” I ask him, fearing that he will leave me for real and not return to me anymore.

“You finally talked, princess…” he says under his breath while smiling forcefully “I think you can understand that by yourself.” he adds while taking his guitar, his jacket and walking towards the door.

“I-I’ll look for a new place to be then, I’ll be out of your super rich house as soon as possible, no more than three days, also because your parents will be here in ten minutes and I think they won’t love me, but after all nobody loves me.” He says with the same sad smile as before.

“I did my best Gerard, but I don’t think you’re okay with yourself in first place, so you can’t open your heart to someone else, it’s not your fault…” he picks up his guitar “See you later, I’ll sleep on the sofa tonight and don’t wait for me, I’ll be home late.”

And he goes out.

I realize just now what I have done, how I didn’t say anything, how I have possibly lost my only source of joy, but it’s just my fault, not Frank’s for sure…

I was so happy yesterday, the other days too, what is wrong with me? I overreacted, but this time the consequences are the worst I could imagine.

_“funny to think that today was our first month together… I had sweet plans in mind for us, but I think it doesn’t matter anymore… im sorry love…..”_

I start to cry like a child when I read this message, since I totally forgot about our first month and cause I ruined such a cute thing like our relationship _was_.

Before I can reply to his message, I hear someone’s knocking on the door.

“Open the door Gerard, we have to talk!”

I start to cry even more, after hearing my father’s voice, and I can’t help but think about Frank and his sweet voice whispering in my hear _“it’s everything okay honey”_.

“Open that damn door Gerard!”  
_I lost._

*********

In the end, my dad yelled at me for one hour straight, saying I’m a dishonor, a terrible son and also useless, but his words didn’t hurt me, since my only thought was Frank and what happened between us.

“Are you listening to me Gerard!?” He asked me three or four times, and my answer has always been a yes very uncertain.

_“frankie come home… we need to talk, please! i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean what i said, i care about you, I care a lot! don’t leave me please….”_

I had the opportunity to write him just a message, as then my father took my phone from my hands and yelled at me again.

“Are you writing to that stupid kid Gerard? Mh?”

I haven’t answered to that question, I just begged him to give me the cellphone back, as I heard the sound of a message arriving.

“No! You have to listen to me now!”

My mother just said me she is sad because she wanted to see me at the play, but then she hugged me, probably due to my sad expression.

They also toke me to school, and the shame was too much to handle, as the gazes of my classmates and professor were too much and too full of hate.

“I’m sorry, but we can’t accept Gerard again in this school, we have some rules to respect, and his mind has been somewhere else since October if I have to honest” My professor said them, for then saying “I think he has maybe had some bad influences from some guy” and making my dad definitely lose his mind.

“We paid for your instruction, and that’s how you behave!?” He said me before leaving my professor’s office, and also this time I just lowered my head saying nothing.

“You’re not going to see that stupid pansy anymore!”  
_But this time, I said something._

We started to fight, I started to yell in turn, and I said that I’m a pansy too, that Frank is the only good thing happened to me, and that it is all his fault if I spent my whole life alone and hating everyone.

“Stop it! Both of you, stop!” My mother said after twenty minutes straight of me and my father yelling at each other.

“That’s not how problems can be solved, calm down, please!”  
But even if it wasn’t my mother’s fault, I just closed myself in the bathroom and I started to cry like a baby. I haven’t cried that much since I was ten years old, and that’s maybe the reason why I couldn’t stop for what seemed an hour.

I could just think about my sad and boring life, about how my father always forced me to be the perfect guy, about Frank, about how he was trying to make me understand how money play such a little role in happiness and how I am so damn in love with him.

Around six pm, my mom knocked on the door asking me if everything was okay and saying me that my cellphone was continuing to ring, so I quickly opened the door and picked the phone.

_“don’t want to come home now tbh….”_

_“ill be home tonight, maybe tomorrow morning, don’t know…”_

_“i really don’t know why you treated me like that, i mean, you were kissing me and looking at me with that look, and now you say you don’t even care about me!”_

_“im sorry G…. I didn’t mean that, sorry…”  
“i think ill return home drunk tonight, I don’t really feel ok.”_

I sighed after reading all these messages, hoping Frank won’t get in trouble or won’t get drunk for real, for then deciding that maybe I could have gone looking for him, but obviously my father stopped me also this time.

“Are you hungry?”  
And so now we are all seated at the table looking at each other with anger and sadness in our eyes, and thinking about the right words to say.

“I’m not hungry mom.” I say her, not stopping to look at my father and wishing he will go away soon, since I don’t think they will spend here the night.

“Me neither dear” he says “But I was wondering where we could sleep tonight, since this sofa doesn’t look comfortable at all.”  
After hearing him say that, I feel like dying.

“W-What…?”  
“Well, are you surprised? As soon as the professor called us we came here immediately, and we did not find the time to look for a place to spend the night, so you have to leave us the bed.”

I start to laugh hysterically.

“Are you serious??” I say standing up and looking at him with so much anger in my eyes “You not only come here to insult a-and yell at me, but you also want to sleep here?”

He stands up too and looks at me with an amused look.

“This is our house after all, we are paying you the rent, or I am wrong?”  
He isn’t wrong at all, but if I have one chance to talk with Frank, I know for sure that with them here, I won’t be able to do anything at all. They also don’t know that he lives here, that this is Frank’s place too, and I don’t think I can bear another fight with my father for this reason.

_But I don’t think I have many options…_

“Y-You can’t…” I feel my heart pounding “Frank will be home soon a-and I don’t think we can all sleep here, I mean, we won’t have a place to sleep if you want the bed, and-”

“Oh this explain why your money demand has increased in the last weeks…” My mother says, while shyly smiling at me, but I don’t think I can smile too, since my father didn’t say anything yet.

“So I am going to sleep in a bed where you two fucked?”  
And we obviously started to fight again.

I have never been very close to my father, I always thought that he’s too different from me, and I believed that with theater we could have had the opportunity to know each other better, but I was so wrong, since he’s the most heartless person in the whole world.

“We could look for another place, maybe we-”

“No! This is our house too, and I won’t accept that an idiot kid steals my house!”

“Fine then!” I snapped in the end, walking fast toward the bedroom “I’ll change the sheets, so you won’t sleep where me and my boyfriend haven’t fucked yet!” and I open angrily the wardrobe looking for clean sheets.

“It’s not necessary Gerard, really, we can-”

“Indeed it’s necessary!”

I take off of the bed the sheets where me and Frankie have been sleeping the past nights and I pick the clean ones, feeling my heart pounding even more for all the anger my father is making me feel.

As soon as I finish with the bed, I return in the living room and I throw at him the dirty sheets, even if I don’t really think they’re dirty, as they smell of Frank and I love it.

“Done!” I yell at him “Happy now?”  
He picks the sheets and throws them at me in turn, for then adding a _“very happy”_ and closing himself in the bedroom.

“I’m very sorry Gerard…” says my mom “We just wanted to talk about what happened, as I know something isn’t okay, right?”  
I sigh in response and I force myself to smile at her.

“Don’t really want to talk about that now to be honest…” I say in a little more than a whisper “I’m tired, I want to rest a little, it has been a tough day.”

“Okay….” she moves her hand to my arm “We can talk about that tomorrow, but we have to clarify what you want to do now that you can’t go to school anymore, okay?”

I nod a little in response, smiling again a little, and I wish her a goodnight.

“When will he return home?” She asks me just before entering the room, and I don’t need to ask her who’s talking about, as I perfectly know.

“Hope soon…”

She smiles at me again, and then she finally disappears, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my anxiety about where the fuck Frank is. It’s not too late, it’s nine pm, but I can’t help but think about him and where he is.

I immediately pick my phone to see if he wrote something else, but unfortunately I don’t find anything.

_“baby please…. im worried, come home, i cant sleep knowing that you are not here”_

I write him, for then drag myself to the bathroom to brush my teeth, even if my dinner consisted in anger, sadness, guilt and noting more.

I learned to know Frank, I know that when he says something he really means it, and so I cant stop thinking about that _“I’ll return home drunk”_ or _“I’ll be home late”_ , because I know he will probably do exactly as he said.

If I have to be honest, I don’t really know how I can fix the situation, don’t even know if he will forgive me, but I just know that I really want to hug him, as my life depends from that.

While I’m brushing my teeth, I hear a loud noise from the living room and then someone laughing.

“Heeey I’m home!”

 _But I immediately understand he’s not a simple someone.  
_“Frank sssshhht! Be quiet please.”  
“Hi Gee! Missed you, you know?” And he hugs me.

I can clearly smell the alcohol, so he kept the promise, and I can also see how he’s wet from head to toe and also how his guitar is broken.

“Missed you too…” I say in a whisper “I was worried, you know?”  
“Why? You hate me Gee, you don’t have to be worried!” He says aloud, while laughing again and trying to take off of his shoulder the guitar.  
“Let me help you…” I say, trying to avoid that _“you hate me”_ and helping him with the guitar and the wet jacket.  
“I really want to take a bath, you know?” As soon as I take off his jacket, he starts to take off his sweater and t-shirt too, but I promptly stop him, fearing that he will fully strip in front of me.

“Frank wait!” I say trying to maintain a low tone of voice “W-Why are you so wet and what happened to your guitar?”

He moves his hands to my cheeks and starts to look into my eyes, making me melt and wish to kiss him.

“Why are you so cute my baby? So cute and so heartless, don’t understand how you can!” he passes his thumb on my lips “Love your lips, love them so much! I bet you can do amazing blowjobs with them, you know?”

I try to shush him by putting a hand on his mouth, as the tone he used is a little too high and I fear my parents heard him.

“Be quiet Frank, please!”  
“What if we take a bath together? I’ll love to have a bath with you my love…”  
I would really want to say yes, I’m honestly interested in his offer, but in this condition, I don’t really think it can be considered a good idea.

“What the hell is happening?”

As I feared, my father heard everything and now he’s here in front of us with his pajamas on and a confused expression.

“Oww is it your father Gee? I know it’s him, he has an asshole face for real, you were right!”

I blush like an idiot after this sentence, and then I take Frank by his arm and I drag him towards me, since he’s walking in my father’s direction for some reason.

“This is your boyfriend Gerard? Really?”

I lower my head and I nod in response, as this is the worst way to introduce him to my parents.

“Don’t know if I still am to be honest sir, since he said he hates me and, I don’t know, maybe it’s your fault if he’s an asshole too.” He says shrugging and laughing in the meanwhile, for then starting to cry with his hands on the face, as a sign of desperation.

_My heart breaks…_

“F-Frank please… don’t cry, I wasn’t serious, believe me.”

_But he doesn’t stop._

I then see my mom on the bedroom door, looking at us with a sad expression, but I really don’t know if she’s sad for the scene in general, or for Frank’s tears.

“Gerard you maybe have to help him take a bath” she says not stopping to look at us “he’s soaked, poor dear.”

I decide to listen to her and, ignoring my father, I take Frank by his hand and I walk towards the bathroom.

As soon as we enter the room, I sigh relieved, and I lean on the closed door.

I don’t think I can forget about this day so easily…

I don’t really know how I can look at my parents tomorrow, how I can explain them that Frank is a good guy, a perfect guy, and that I am so in love with him.

“Let’s have a bath together then Gee…?” He says stopping my self-deprecating thoughts, while standing naked in font of me, with a so in love expression on his silly face.

I don’t really know how, but in the meanwhile he managed to totally strip and to stop crying, as if nothing happened.

I smile at him.

“You’re drunk love…” I gently stroke his cheek “And you’re also mad at me, so I don’t think it is a good id-”

He interruptus my speech by deeply kissing me and putting a hand on my butt and the other on my crotch, making me snap in response and interrupt the kiss.

“Not today baby…” I sadly say at him “You will be mad at me tomorrow, you’ll see.”  
“But I’m not now! And I love you so much… Please Gee…” He begs me, leaning on me and continuing to look at me with this look and his usual smile.

“I’m sorry Frank, you’re too drunk, I’ll help you take a bath, but I won’t join.” I kiss his forehead, and I see him pouting at me, saying that _“I’m boring”_ but I can’t take advantage of him like that.

“It’s raining outside?” I ask while helping him enter the bathtub and so trying to change the topic of the discourse.

“A lot!” he sits down “And it’s so fucking cold!” he adds, while taking my hand that isn’t on the faucet.

“You could have warmed me if you weren't boring...” He adds, for then sticking out his tongue and leaning his head on my shoulder.

I really hate myself for having fucked everything up, as I don’t really think he will be so sweet and clingy tomorrow, and so now I will at least take advantage of this fake happiness between us.

For this reason, I turn his head toward me and I kiss him. I continue to kiss him for what seems like hours and I feel him smiling and laughing a little in the meanwhile, moving both his hands on my face as I continue to kiss and wash him.

I feel so full of joy, so lucky, and I can just hate me for my shameful behavior.

“We could be so happy Gee Gee…” he says in the end, stroking my cheek “We could be sooo in love baby… Why don’t you want to?”

In response I fake smile and I quickly kiss him on the lips again.

“We’re done baby, you’re clean and warm now, stand up!” I say standing up and offering my hand at him, avoiding also this time to answer him.

“Promise you don’t hate me…?” He asks me, still in the bathtub with a so sweet and soft expression, that I can’t help but kneeling again on the floor and kiss him deeply.

“Promise, my baby.”  
I then manage to make him stand up and I obviously help him to dress, as he’s still so drunk that he can’t even wear his underwear, and so we laugh like two kids for the whole time, occasionally kissing and I momentarily forgot about our fight.

“Sleep with me honey…?” He asks me in a whisper before lying down on the sofa.

“I-I don’t know Frank, tomorrow you will be sober and you will-”

“Please my love…” He insists, opening his arms, as an invitation to go to him.

“Good choice.” He says in the end when I finally decide to lay down with him, feeling my heart beating like crazy and feeling so loved and happy…

“Love you Gee…” He says before falling asleep and so putting an end to this magic dream we had.

I really hope he will forget about our fight tomorrow, but I also think it is more an illusion than a reality. I hug him even tighter and I cry a little, feeling an idiot and wishing to go back in time before our fight.

“Goodnight my love…”

 _I hope tomorrow never comes_.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,
> 
> I would really like to tell you that whenever I use words that can be considered offensive or mean, I don’t really mean what I’m writing. Indeed, when I wrote fat, ugly or even faggot, I was just trying to create the characters, with all their good and bad aspects.  
> I’m not serious when I write these words though, as I’m a soft and a little bit of chubby girl and since I’m gay too, so if I write mean words, this would mean that I’m insulting myself too and I got over this self-pity phase.  
> Hope you’ll take all the insults and mean words as they are, so fictional things, as I love you all, whatever your size and sexual orientation are, and as it is just a silly fanfiction.  
> Hope you’ll like this chapter, a little bit less sad (maybe?).  
> As usual, love you all, your Isa :*  
> (p.s. I changed the story’s rating as I don’t know if it can be considered mature or not(????). I don’t know, there’s something slightly sexual, so I decided to rate it as mature, but it doesn’t make a difference anyway, since I got over the smut phase and I don’t think I’ll write something like that anymore, I’ve already done my part in my Italian stories ahaha… ***nervous laughter***)

I wake up in pain.

I feel like someone is sticking a knife in my lower back, I also feel an important weight on my chest, but as soon as I open my eyes, I immediately understand what’s going on.

Frank is lying on his stomach on top of me, with his face in the crook of my neck, thus tickling me while breathing.

I smile a little.

I hug him, for then starting to gently caress his back with my fingertips, and I feel him hiding even more his face in the crook of my neck. I’m so relieved that neither my parents nor Frank already woke up, because I have the opportunity to cuddle him a little and enjoy these little moments before he wakes up and we probably start to argue again.

I hug him even more, moving my nose in his hair to smell his sweet perfume. I really love Frank’s smell, I have learned to love it since he’s used to hug and cuddle me whenever he can, so his smell has quickly become something that reassure me, and that makes me feel home.

I hear him moaning softly, probably annoyed by the little kisses I’m giving him on his head, and then I see one of his hands moving to my mouth to stop my kisses.

I laugh a little in response, while biting one of his fingers to make him remove his hand.

“You are annoying Gerard….” He says, however giving me a kiss on the neck in turn.

“Good morning to you baby…” I softly say, then kissing his head and making him moan again.

“Don’t call me like that, I’m still mad at you…” He says rubbing his nose on my neck and occasionally kissing and biting it a little, probably leaving a hickey like he adores to do.

I laugh again in response, this time more loudly than before.

“So you’re snuggling and kissing my neck cause you’re mad?”  
He moans again in response, stopping with the kisses and returning to lie on my chest, complaining in the meanwhile.

“I’m cuddly in the morning, you know, and you’re so warm and soft…” he says with a dreamy voice “And I also have a terrible headache, so I’m not really thinking about what I’m doing, what I’m doing to you…” he then adds, while rubbing again his nose on my neck and making me shiver when he starts to suck a little my skin, probably to make the hickey more visible, as I learned that he loves to look at my neck and find the marks he made.

“You like that…?” He asks me while continuing to kiss me and laughing a little after hearing how my breath is getting heavier and how I’m obviously liking it.

“Shut up Frank…” I say while tilting better my head to one side and so giving him more access to my neck.

I try to breathe deeply and I close my eyes as I feel my whole body trembling a little when he sucks my skin with even more excitement, moving one of his hands to the other side of my neck, to keep me still, and starting to softly move his body, trying to rub our lower parts together.

When one of his hands starts to find its way between our bodies to go down, I suddenly feel a strange sensation in the lower part of my belly, and that’s when I understand that _something_ _is definitely going_ on and I have to stop him immediately.

“Y-You mean like last night?” I ask him while grabbing his wrist and so stopping him.

“What…?” He asks me in a whisper a little bit out of breath and continuing to kiss and suck my poor neck with more and more excitement.

“Y-You said you’re not thinking about what you’re doing, and I thought that you maybe meant like yesterday’s night…?” I ask in a little more than a whisper, trying to stop him from what he’s doing, as I’m liking it definitely too much…  
“Oh, yes…!” he stops what he’s doing, even if he doesn’t seem very happy, and he moves his hands to my chest, to hold up his chin and look a little in my eyes “I-I’m sorry Gerard, I mean, yesterday I wasn’t in me, and-”

“Why are you calling me Gerard…? You were used to call me baby, or honey, even princess, what happened?” I ask him while stroking his cheek, but I see him retreating immediately

I obviously know the reason why, I’m not stupid, but I’m still living in the soft dream we had last night…

“You know why I’m not calling you like that anymore” he lowers his gaze “You perfectly know why, and last night I was drunk, end of discussion.”

I can feel that he’s sad and is struggling not to kiss me, and even if I would really love to do it, I simply open my arms again, asking him to lie down, and he fortunately does.

“You said me we could be happy…” I say while caressing again his back “That we could be so in love, why don’t you want to give me a second chance…?”

After saying that, I feel him hiding his face again in the crook of my neck and sadly sigh, so that I immediately hug him even tighter.

“You hurt me…” he says in a whisper “You hurt me so much Gee… I-I really want to give you a second chance, believe me my love, but I don’t think I could bear you saying me all these mean things another time…” and he continues to stay with his face hidden as he tries to start breathing in a normal way again.

I try to comfort him a little, continuing to hug him and leaving sweet kisses between his hair, but I know he’s not sad just for what happened yesterday, but also for what happened a little while ago.

“Frankie please, believe me… I’m so sorry, I don’t know how to say it anymore!”

“Yeah, I know you are baby, but being sorry doesn’t mean that you didn’t want to tell me you're not in love with me, or that you don’t like me, don’t care about me…” he sighs again “This hurt… this hurt so much!”

I don’t know what I can do now, I feel helpless, I feel like a monster that can only hurt him, as I don’t think I’m ready to tell that I’m in love with him.

“You’re nervous Gee Gee… Your heart is pounding like crazy.” He says moving a hand to my heart and giving a small kiss near it.

I can’t understand why he’s treating me like that, why he’s kissing and cuddling me, why he was acting like that before even if he said he can’t give a second chance, because if I was him, I wouldn't kiss someone I don't care about anymore.

 _I’m so damn confused that I can’t bear this situation anymore.  
_“Can you please stand up Frank…?” I ask him in a whisper, knowing that in this way I will break his heart again and nothing more.

“See? You can’t, you can’t admit you’re in love with me and that drives me crazy!” He angrily says, while promptly standing up.

“Why are you so obsessed with these stupid words Frank? What difference does it make if I say that I’m or I’m not in love with you?”

He looks at me like I’ve said an absurdity, and I immediately understand that we are going to fight again, like I feared.

“It makes a difference Gerard! And also very big!” he throws a pillow at me “Why don't you understand that it is important to express your feelings!?” and then he throws me another one.

“I don’t understand you Frank, we were happy! We were happy two minutes before, you were kissing me with so much excitement, I was cuddling you, why is it so important to say I’m in love with you!?” I angrily ask him, while standing up and picking up the pillows from the floor.

“Maybe because you treated me like shit yesterday, and I think that at least admitting you're in love with me might make me feel better!”  
“I said you I’m sorry Frank, I said you a million times! Can’t you understand that I was simply stressed and-”

“It isn’t enough Gerard! It isn’t enough at all, since I said I love you and I want you to at least admit that you care about me, you dickhead!”

I sigh defeated, looking at my feet and feeling both Frank panting as if these words drained him, but also my bedroom’s door opening, meaning that my parents are awake and ready to say something related to this sad show.  
“Will I ever have a quiet awakening sooner or later?” My father asks, while looking at us with an annoyed expression, since I don’t think that waking up with screams can be considered a good awakening.

I pretend he hasn’t spoken and that he isn’t even here, and so I continue to talk with Frank, or better to say, to argue with him.

“Frank I’m sorry! I-I can’t, I’m not ready to say it, so please stop! I care about you, you know, so stop telling me I’m a heartless bastard and give me a second chance!”

He looks quickly at my parents, still there staring at us, and then his gaze meets mine, making me feel all the pain he’s feeling now.

“You’re not even ready to live Gerard… you look at your life like you are a spectator, you make the others decide for you what’s better to do, what’s better to say or feel, and that’s the saddest part…” he sadly smiles at me “They, your parents, say you to become an actor, to stop having any type of relationship and you listen to them like they’re God, but you’re an adult Gee! I-I made you understand that this isn’t your life, that you’re just passively living it, but you’re too afraid to accept that!”

I lower my gaze immediately, because if I continue to look at him, then I will start to cry for sure.

“Hey kid, I don't know if it's clear, but we're here, so think carefully about what you say.” My father says to Frank, with a severe expression and crossing his arms.

“Yes, I know, but I'm here too, and I'm so damn tired that people say they care about me, and then when they get tired of me, they dump me, like I'm trash!”

He walks towards me and, as soon as he’s in front of me, he moves one of his hand to my face to have my attention.

“Tell me I’m wrong baby and I promise you I’ll say I’m sorry…” he then comes even closer“Tell me you’re in love with me…” to whisper in my ear the last part.

I panic, I know I’m in love with him, but I can’t say that, I don’t want to, since this would mean being even more involved in our relationship, being even more closer and not having the occasion to fail again…

“I can’t Frank…”

“Fine…” He says, and then he goes to get the now dry shirt and pants he was wearing yesterday, and he quickly wear them, not even taking off his pajamas before.

I look at my parents and I see them still staring at the scene, not able to say anything and maybe even a little embarrassed for what just happened.

“W-Where are you going Frank…?” I ask him, trying to break this terrible silence.

“At work” he answers me while drinking a glass of water and then swallowing a pill for the headache “You know, not everyone is so lucky and has plenty of money to use whenever he wants!”

“My God Frank, y-you’re so childish! You know?” I snap in response, since I’m not able to bear this situation and all his hate for me because of a stupid _“I’m in love with you”._

“At least I’m not a heartless bastard Gerard!” he yells while pointing at me angrily “I’m not a bastard like you!”  
“If I was a bastard I wouldn’t have hosted you here, I wouldn’t have shared my food and my house with you, and I would have done something really inconvenient and unpleasant last night!” I say yelling at him with more anger but feeling even more bad and monstrous than before.

“Last night? What the hell do you mean?”  
I nervously smile at him and my parents, hoping they will become deaf for at least one minute, but knowing that it won’t happened and that they seem very interested in the scene.

“I-I mean that you were very drunk, and you wanted to fuck, but I still have some moral values and I stopped you, but a bastard wouldn’t have done that, he would take advantage of it, so I’m not so bad after all!”

I see him blushing a little and lowering his gaze, while scratching the back of his head like he’s used to do when he’s uncomfortable.

“And so? I have to thank you? You would be a gentleman because of that?” He says while washing his face in the kitchen sink and then trying to fix his very unkempt hair with a little bit of water.

“Well, of course Frank!” I simply say, not stopping to look at him and wanting to help him with his hair, maybe take advantage of it and even caress his face a little in the meantime.

“Okay, thank you Gerard, even if I think that the moral values played a very little role in it, since you’re afraid of everything and even fucking with me is too much for you, or am I wrong?” he looks at me with a defiant expression “This morning you didn't seem very comfortable when I was obviously trying to do something sexual, isn’t it true?”  
“I-I…” I pray again for my parents to disappear, and fortunately my father goes away with a disgusted expression on his face, while my mother continues to look at me with an illegible expression.

I lower my gaze defeated in response.

“Yeah, just as I thought…” he says while picking his jacket “See you later Gerard, and goodbye to you and your husband too” he adds referring to my mother, for then opening the door and disappear again.

I immediately turn to my mother, trying to find the right words to say, but she interrupts me even before I can start.  
“You don’t need to say anything Gerard, it’s normal that you want to try new things, but maybe not with your parents in the other room” she says without giving the slightest sign of embarrassment “Give me and your father a couple of minutes and we will talk about what we have decided for your future…” she adds, sadly smiling a little at me, and returning in the bedroom.

I don’t know if I feel more uncomfortable for what my mother said, or for the fight that me and Frank had, but I just know that I was wrong… I was wrong thinking that it was my school’s fault if I was feeling out of place, since I've never felt so out of place as I do now.

I sit on the sofa again, smelling the pillow Frank used tonight and wanting to kiss and hug him so bad.

I think I just have an option to make him come back to me, and that’s repairing his so loved guitar, maybe even sing something to him while he plays it, so I decide to go and find someone who can repair it after talking with my parents.

I always ruin everything, I’m not surprised anymore about that, but I really fear that he has already given me a second chance, exactly this morning while he was trying to do _something more_... I sigh defeated thinking about that and cursing myself for my stupidity.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,
> 
> I’m an incoherent idiot ahaha. I said I didn’t want to write a smut part, but here I am! It’s not a real smut chapter, so I don’t really know if I have to change the story’s rating, but I’m still thinking about that.  
> Anyway, hope you like this chapter too, even if Gerard is an idiot.  
> I think I have just two more chapters for you T-T …  
> Love you all, Isa :*

_“how did you break your guitar?”_

_“why does it matter?”_

My parents finally decided to leave, and I’ve never been so happy in my entire life.

However, the decision they took regarding my future is terrible, just thinking about it makes me panic and want to cry, but at least they left and that’s the most important thing.

“You’ll have to look for a job, we won’t pay for your rent, your needs and your life in general, you have to understand what does it mean to gain and be the only one who can control and change your life.”  
When my father said that, I felt my heart stop for a moment and I also felt a little bit of sweat forming on my forehead.

“W-What…?”  
“We will pay for your rent ‘til the end of January, then you and your boyfriend or whatever he is, have to live by yourself and without our money.”

I felt rejected also by my parents, _my mom and my dad_ , but after all I expected that.

I simply said them “okay”, and then I opened the door, warmly suggesting them to leave.

“We are making it for you Gerard, and because-”

“Could you please leave now?”

My mother tried to save the situation and make me believe that they love me, but it didn’t work, since I just wanted to say them goodbye and see my Frank.

_“cause you love your guitar baby”_

_“stop calling me like that, my god!!! and it’s your fault if the guitar is like that, like always!”_

As soon as my parents left me alone, I couldn’t help but think about what happened this morning, not the fight, but rather what happened before… I know what it means to feel aroused, to feel the excitement’s level increase in your body, but this morning it has been different… I just wanted him to make me feel good, to make me feel breathless and to make me feel loved even in this way.

_But he’s right, everything terrifies me, and so also try to make something more with him is something that I can’t do._

_“my god frank… it looks like im your worst nightmare!!”_

_“don’t say that g… you’re not a nightmare at all…”_

I sigh in response, because it’s always my fault, and because this morning I could have shut up and let him make me feel good, maybe even make me come…

I have a very sad sexual life, maybe it’s better to say that I don’t have one at all, since Frank is my first boyfriend ever and even when I’m alone, I don’t like to make what every guy usually does. Obviously I tried, I’m not that sad, but I have a little problem that is called _loud voice_ and my parents have a good hearing… Here in New York I tried again, maybe I can say that I finally got my chance to have fun, but then Frank arrives, and the fun ends.

I sigh again in response, since I’m the most idiot of the whole world, and since I don’t really know how to act when Frank will be home, both for the fight but most importantly for his so damn sensual neck kisses…

When I'm about to finally stand up to go get the computer to look for a work, I see the door opening and a _little Frank_ appears.

I smile.

“Hey Gerard.”

I roll my eyes in response.

“Would you please stop to call me like that?” I say him with an annoyed tone.

“Why? It’s your name.” He says, and then he sits near me on the sofa and lights a cigarette.

I don’t answer back, since I really don’t want to argue again, but I just open my hand and wait for him to give me a cigarette too.

“You have to buy a pack by yourself, you know?” He says laughing a little, but anyway giving me what I was asking for.

“Nah, I like to steal yours” I say lightning it “Also it’s an awful day, I don’t really want to go out and buy them…” I add, starting to smoke my cigarette and waiting for him to say something.  
“It could have been a nice day if you weren't so scared by a handjob…” He says in a little more than a whisper, for then starting to laugh like an idiot because of my red cheeks.  
“Shut up Frank…” I beg him, smiling a little in turn, and giving him a little push with my shoulder.  
“As you want princess!” he says while keeping his cigarette in his mouth and starting to take off his trousers, making me immediately remember that he still has his pajamas on.

I burst out laughing.

“Can you please tell me why you decided to wear your damn jeans over your stupid pajamas?”  
He annoyingly moans in response.  
“Cause I wanted to go the fuck out as soon as possible and since your parents were exactly in font of the damn bathroom door, I didn’t want to walk in front of them with an hard on!” He then says, as if it were the most normal thing in the whole world, as he puts his finished cigarette into a dirty glass he finds on the table.

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to blush again cause I said hard on!” He adds while taking off also his t-shirt, but no words exit my mouth.

“My God, stop being so cute!” he says for then kissing my red cheek and softly smile at me “I’m trying to be mad at you Gee, you’re making it hard” he then adds, picking my cigarette and putting it in the glass too.

“I told you to shut the fuck up…” I try to say defending my position, hearing him laugh again and sitting next to me.

I so decide to turn my head in his direction, but I immediately understand that it was a very bad idea, since I feel an irrepressible desire to kiss him.  
“What are you staring at princess…?” He whispers, while putting some of my hair behind the ear.

I really want to kiss him, to taste again his sweet kisses, but I also know that it would be something risky, as I know he’s still hurt by my behavior and my mean words.

_But I decide to take this risk anyway._

“You.” And I kiss him.

It is a more desperate kiss than the ones we used to give each other, a little bit sloppy and so noisier, but I hadn't kissed him for too long to give him a softer one.

We immediately start to show some involvement, him with his hands in my hair, and me trying to get closer and closer to him… I can clearly feel how he’s making the kiss even more sensual, but I don’t want to stop him, not this time, so I just decide to kiss him back and enjoy every moment of it.

“O-Okay Gee…” he suddenly says, interrupting the kiss but still looking at me with a hungrily expression “I won’t kiss you again if you don’t say you’re in love with me…”

“B-But Frank, please! You were kissing me so good, please, let me-”

“Still mad at you, my baby!” He says, for then kissing the tip of my nose and standing up.

I know that he was liking it, know that he’s not so mad at me as he says, but I can’t blame him, I’ve been a bastard for real.

“If I say you that I care about you, can we please return to kiss again?” I say exasperated, while rubbing my face with a desperate expression.

“It depends…” he says while sitting on my legs “…depends on whether you will tell me that you are in love with me or not...” he adds in a whisper, biting for a brief instant my lower lip with a mischievous expression.

“You’re such a tease, you know…?” I whisper in turn, smiling and trying to kiss him, but seeing him avoiding all my attempts while laughing like crazy.

“Gee stop!” and he continues to laugh.

But I can’t stop, as I want him to kiss me again and again and again.

“Why are you so afraid to admit you’re in love…?” He suddenly asks me taking advantage of a moment when I stop trying to kiss, while caressing my face and sweetly looking in my eyes.

“I-I… It’s-It’s stupid...” I sadly admit lowering my gaze, not wanting to say him what my real and stupid fear is.

“Fine then, you won’t have my pretty mouth neither for the kisses, nor for other things…” He says in the end with a provocative tone, biting my earlobe and standing up.

“It hurts!” I complain while caressing my poor ear, and he obviously laugh.

“Stand up fat ass, and give me something to eat!”  
“Fat ass to whom!?” And I immediately stand up.

Frank isn’t made to hate me, like I’m not made to resist him, cause I’m totally attracted by him and I can’t think about living without him.

Sure, I still haven’t said him that this house won’t be our anymore the next year, but for now I just want to hear him laughing, since I’m tired of arguing.

“Gee stop! P-Please! Hate being tickl-Gee!”  
_God I’m so in love with him…_

*********

In the end, we spent our whole afternoon together and I felt like he has forgotten about our fight, but his sad eyes every time he has tried to resist me and not kiss me, make me understand that something is still going on.

We spent the rest of the day doing nothing at all, just watching crappy movies while hugging and cuddling a little on the sofa.  
“Why are you hugging me if you are mad?” I asked him.

“It’s already difficult not to kiss you Gee, leave me at least the hugs please…” He then said, while snuggling even more and laughing a little.

“So you won’t kiss me until I say I’m in love with you?”

“Yep, that’s your punishment baby.”  
I clearly see how Frank is struggling with himself, since he switches from being the most loving and cute boyfriend ever, to the angrier ever, and I think that it is just my fault.

“I think I’m confusing your little heart love!” I said while laughing like an idiot and petting his head.

“Your fault…” But this time he seemed sadder and beaten, since he stood up and went to the bathroom not opening his mouth.

I feel guilty, I know that it is simple to make him feel okay again, but I really can’t say I’m in love with him, not now and not knowing how much he cares about me. I see how my parents are not united at all, how they don’t love each other anymore, so I really don’t think it would be a good idea admitting I’m in love with Frank, because that means we could end up like this too and I don’t want to. I think that saying “ _I’m in love with you_ ” or “ _I love you_ ” is something that kills the relationships, putting pressures on the couple and making it collapse...

I think that is better to demonstrate with the facts how much you care about someone, but I don’t think Frank agrees with me.

“Christmas is near, what will you do? I mean, do you want to spend it with your family…?”  
When the second movie was over, I asked him his plans for this Christmas, since my parents don’t want to see me and I don’t want to see them either, but maybe Frankie wants to see them again and spend this period at home.

“I was thinking the same thing” he said with a shy smile “I really don’t want to spend the Christmas alone, so I was hoping you didn't want to spend it with your parents.”  
“Indeed I won’t Frankie, we can spend it together if you want…”  
“Sounds perfect to me.”

It will be my first Christmas without my parents, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel relieved after hearing him say he'll stay here too and keep me company.

We then started to talk about our first Christmas together, and he looked so happy while he was planning everything, that I couldn’t help but kiss him again.

“No kisses for you my baby…” He whispered with a sad smile, while gently caressing my lips.

Even though many things have happened today, I can say that it has been a good day, because Frank doesn’t hate me like I was fearing and because I loved his silly smile when he wished me goodnight.

Obviously we decide not to sleep together, or better to say, he decided, since he’s _“still angry with me”_ , and I'd be lying if I said that without his sweet perfume I had some trouble falling asleep.

I just continue to move in the bed, not finding the right position and not stopping to think about him. I’m anything but sleepy at the moment, indeed I’m just anxious and unable to sleep, so I decide that maybe drink a glass of water could be a good idea.

I try not to make the slightest noise when I decide to go in the living room to keep my glass and, as soon as I see Frank sleeping like a baby, I automatically smile. He’s so cute that I can’t stop myself from going towards him and gently caress his soft cheek, hoping he’s having good dreams.

I then quickly drink my water and I return to the bedroom, still smiling while I see my Frankie sleeping.

As soon as I’m about to lie in bed, I feel someone hugging me from behind and leaving a small kiss on my neck.

 _Frank.  
_“My God Frank! I-I thought you were sleeping! You scared me!”  
In response he hugs me even more and starts to kiss with more determination my neck.

“I had a dream…” he says with a sleepy voice “…and you were in the dream…”

I laugh a little in response.

“Oh yes? And what was I doing in the dream?”

I love the fact that he seems to have forgotten about all his hate and anger, cause the kisses he’s giving me are anything but sweet and since he’s starting again to act like the last morning…

He doesn’t reply with words, since he simply grabs my wrist and moves my hand to his crotch, where I find a surprise.

“You were doing amazing things…” he said while kissing again my poor neck “… and you were so good!”  
I obviously panic a little, since I perfectly know that Frank is still mad at me and that I don’t know if tomorrow morning he will remember this episode with joy, but I also have to admit that he’s really hard…

“R-Really…?” I ask him not stopping to feel afraid for no reason.

“Really.” And he pushes me on the bed, making me fall on it, and blocking me by lying on me.

I panic even more.

“I-I have to turn around Frank, please wait-”

“But in the dream you wee exactly in this position, so it is not necessary for you to turn…” He whisper on my neck, starting to kiss it again and making me shiver.

I’m not ready at all to make love, not now and not in this delicate situation we are, so I try to make him reason.  
“Frank, p-please, can we lie down and talk about it? Maybe we can calm down a little a-and-”

“Don’t worry Gerard, don’t know how in the actual fuck you can be so stupid and can say no to someone with an erection like mine, but I stopped to try to understand you” he angrily says while standing up “I’ll solve the situation by myself.”

Not wanting to feel guilty anymore but wanting to feel what does it mean to be more intimate with someone, I decide to quickly stand up too and grab his wrist.

“Wait!” I hug him “Wait baby, come here…” and I sit on the bed, hoping he would do the same.

“Listen Gerard, I don’t want to terrify you, so if you don’t want to it’s okay and-”

But this time is my turn to interrupt him, so that I pull him on the bed, and I make him fall on it.

“Fucker!” he says while laughing a little “What are you doing?”  
“Make you feel good…” I simply say, helping him to turn and get comfortable between my arms while I hug him from behind.

“Gee you’re not obliged to-”

“But I want to.” I whisper in his ear, while moving my hand to his erection and starting to gently caress it.

It is my first time, so I don’t have much expectations in my abilities, but his short breath and his whimpers make me think that maybe I’m not that bad.

“You like that…?”  
He desperately nods in response, pushing himself better against my chest and continuing to whimper softly. I then start to kiss his neck and occasionally to suck at his earlobe, and also this time he seems to like it.

“So good…” He whispers, moaning a little and starting to move frantically to follow my movements.

“Not so shy after all…” I say, with a smile, loving with all myself the effect I’m having on him.

He suddenly grabs the hand that’s not busy in his underwear and he starts to desperately suck at my index finger, moaning like crazy.

I continue to make him feel good and to enjoy all the little whimpers he’s making, while he continues to suck and bite my finger, turning me on too…

After some minutes, I feel him biting my finger with more force, and immediately after I feel my hand damp. I smile happily in response, as I continue to gently kiss his neck and hear him catching his breath.

I hug him tight, while he starts to kiss softly my hand and my poor finger, laughing a little in the meanwhile.

“You’re okay baby?” I ask him in a little more than a whisper, kissing him next to his ear.

He doesn’t reply, but he just turns around and move his hand in my underwear, taking me by surprise.

“F-Frank I-”

“I take care of you now my love…”

And I have no occasion to say anything.

He starts to caress me and to make me feel so good, so loved, and after a few moments I start to feel a little bit breathless too.

“I love you so much Gee, you know?” He says me, continuing to move faster his hand in my underwear.

I simply kiss him in a very confused way in response, not caring about his “no kissing” punishment.

 _I didn’t know it was so good…_ I didn’t know why I was so afraid of it to be honest, since Frank is doing his best to make me feel at ease.

He’s gently kissing my cheek while whispering how much he loves me, how good I am, and I can’t help but feeling overwhelmed by all his love.

I don't last very long, in fact I was so excited that it took me around five minutes, but I still feel full of joy.

“How was it?” He asks me in a whisper, rubbing his nose on my cheek and hugging me tight.

“It was… wow!” And we start to laugh together.

“You seem to struggle a little with yourself Frankie, since you said I am a bastard, that you don’t want to kiss me, but now you gave me a handjob and you are saying me you love me…” I say laughing a little “You have to choose what you want to do, you’re confusing me too…” but he doesn’t reply.

_I ruined everything again, like always…_

“I-I was joking baby, I mean, I wasn’t serious and-”

“You’re never serious, but your words are always so sharp and right…” he lowers his gaze and stops hugging me “I am sorry Gerard, you’re right, I shouldn't have bothered you…” he adds, while starting to move to get up.

“Wait Frank, please don’t go… Stay with me, I-I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want-”

“Don’t worry, my fault, I’m an incoherent bastard” he sadly smiles at me “Night Gerard…”  
I snap in response.

“Oh please, stop calling me like that!” I sit up on the bed while adjusting my underwear “Do you want to continue to act like that? Really? Everyone argues Frank, so please stop! We can move on and start to be a normal couple again, I’m so tired!”

But he doesn’t reply neither this time.

“My God you’re so childish…”

“And you always ruin everything!” he yells at me with tears in his eyes “I was just trying to fix things up, to give you a second chance even if you broke my heart and that’s your way to thank me!?”  
“Frank I-”

“Fuck you Gerard, maybe we’re not made to be together!” And he leaves, slamming the door.

 _“maybe we’re not made to be together”_ … this phrase kills me, since I can’t imagine a life without him.

But I’m so sick of this situation.

“Fuck you too Frank!”

_I definitely made a mess and this time I fear there’s no escape._


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear all,
> 
> Here we are with the last chapter, I mean, the story ends here, but I’m used to add a little last chapter to properly conclude my long stories, so the next one is officially the last.  
> I think this story has been a 'kind of distraction' also for me, since lately my multiple sclerosis gave me some troubles with the treatment's side effects, but usually I don't talk about it as I don't want to bother people, even if it's a great burden to carry especially at night, so thank you for keeping me company and distracted me❤️
> 
> Hope you liked the story, see you in the next last short chapter but also after that, since I have another idea for a new story and since I'll finally have some free time in February. 
> 
> All my love, your Isa :*

_In the end, Christmas wasn’t as good as I expected…_

The morning after we argued for the thousandth time, we just looked at each other but neither he nor I said good morning and this silence goes on for the rest of the day.

I remember as a child I loved Christmas Eve, loved the magical atmosphere of that day, but even though as I got older this magic slowly faded, I've never felt as sad and alone as I felt this year.

“Do you want to… don’t know, maybe take a walk…? I heard that it should snow and-”

“No.”

I tried, I really tried to be kind and forget about what happened the day before, but he seems to hate me just for the fact that I don’t tell him that damn “ _I’m in love with yo_ u”!

He’s obsessed, I don’t even remember when this stupid and sad show began, but I just know that I’m so damn sick of it.

He’s so gloomy, with his head down and always trying to avoid my gaze, and I really don’t know if after all he was right, maybe we’re not made to be together.

I also thought that maybe he’s sad for the guitar, cause he was used to strum it every day, but unfortunately in these days music shops are closed because of Christmas and so I couldn’t buy him a new one. Indeed the guitar is irrecoverable, impossible to fix, and I was ready to spend all my remaining money for him, but I fear this is not the real reason of his black mood.

“Tomorrow’s Christmas…!”  
“Indeed it is.”

“Maybe I can try to cook that delicious cake my mother used to bake for me!”  
“Whatever you want Gerard…”

I tried to do everything possible, but unfortunately I didn’t manage to save Christmas….

We spent the day still silent, watching stupid Christmas movies while eating junk food because no one wanted to cook something decent.

“Night Gee, see you tomorro-”

“Frank please, talk to me… What’s happening?” I tried to ask him while grabbing him by his wrist.

“You perfectly know what’s happening.”  
“No baby…” I told him with a reassuring smile “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to say fuck off, but I know that something more is happening, and I’m sure I’m not wrong. Tell me, please.”  
He looked at me with an anxious and scared expression, while shaking his head repeating _“I can’t…”_ and looking at the floor.

“Okay, maybe tomorrow?” He whispered a very unconvinced _“yes”_ and then wished me again goodnight.

I don’t really know what’s happening in his little head, but I just know that his obsession with me being in love with him is not normal. I could simply admit that indeed I am and so maybe solve the situation, but I want to know the real reason of his bad mood and solve it now.  
“Can we talk sweetie?”

For this reason, I decide to try to ask him what’s happening while we are having our breakfast.

He looks at me with terrified eyes, while eating his cereals and probably thinking about what to say.

“You don’t have to be afraid Frankie, you can tell me, promise I won’t get mad or whatever, mh?”

“I don’t think it is important though…” He says under his breath, stopping eating his cereals.

“Frankie I care about you, you are my first and only friend, my little happiness, my favourite distraction ever, my beautiful boyfriend, and I’m so tired of this tense atmosphere between us…” I stand up to go and kneel near to his chair “…I want my sweet love back.”.

I see him smiling a little after my confession, even blushing, and then he takes one of my hands and kisses it softly.

“I’m listening baby.” I say squeezing his hand, hoping he will talk for real.  
“I-I just fear it’s happening again…” He suddenly says, with a sad smile, making me feel confused.

“What do you mean?”  
He turns to me and finally looks into my eyes, with the same shy smile as before.  
“Do you remember when I told you about my previous boyfriend…?” I nod in response “Well… I-I know he was a dick, I know he tricked me just to see what it meant to have a boyfriend, to fuck with a guy, but I didn’t know that in the beginning…” I squeeze again his hand, to make him understand that I’m here for him “A-And I was so damn in love with him, My God! I would have followed him everywhere, he was my everything…”  
I feel something that I interpret as jealousy overwhelming me, but I try not to show it and I wait for him to continue.

“One day, I remember it perfectly, we were… well… let’s say we were relaxing after having fun, and I had the terrible idea of telling him ‘ _I love you’_ ” he sadly sighs “And he burst out laughing in my face! He said that I was just something to kill the time, something funny to try when his wife wasn’t home to satisfy him a-and I felt so stupid, my God!” he laughs hysterically “And I lied, I lied to both my parents and you, since it was me that said his wife that I was his secret lover, cause I wanted to make him suffer as much as he made me suffer by destroying his wedding a-and I remember that the last time we talked, he said me that he hated me, that I was just a stupid pansy, that he never liked me but that I was just a good fuck, and that with my stupid face and my stupid guitar no one would ever love me…” he sighs again, lowering his gaze “I suffered a lot, I-I remember that I spent the following three weeks alone in my room, crying and cursing myself for being so stupid, a-and when he tried to call me again after another week, I understood that I had to go away, cause I’m not a whore and I have a lot to offer!”  
I open my mouth surprised in response and suddenly I perfectly understand why he has been acting like that in these days. I understand why he reacted like that when I told him that I don’t like him, why two nights ago, when we made love, he reacted like that when I told him to decide if he loves or hates me, why he continues to ask me if I’m in love with him, and so I understand why he’s so afraid and sad. He just fears that I’m a dick like his previous boyfriend, that I will leave him and say that I don’t love him, but I am many things but no a bastard.

I so decide to hug him, to hug him very tightly, while softly whispering “ _I’m sorry baby…”_ in his ear.

“I just feared you would have left me too…” He sadly admits in the end, not losing his sad and shy smile.

“I would never do that…” I say him “Frankie, you don’t have idea of how much I care about you, you don’t need to hear me saying I’m in love with you to know that I care a lot about you, and that I will never leave or do what that stupid bastard did to you… You’re my Frankie, and I’m your Gee Gee, your honey, your princess, your love or whatever you want!”  
He laughs after my words, but then he bursts into tears.

_My heart breaks._

“Come here… I’ll take care of you, come here baby…” I say while making him stand up and walking towards the sofa.

“I-I’m so sorry Gee… I perfectly know that you’re not like him, b-but I really couldn’t stand another person telling me I’m not lovable…” he says while sobbing “I’m sorry… should have told you, I’m so sorry…”

“Ssssht it’s okay, don’t worry, I’m here, and I’m not leaving…” I gently whisper in his ear while I sit on the sofa keeping him in my arms.

“Thank you Gee…” He softly says, snuggling up and trying to stop crying, while I continue to gently stroke his cheek and kiss his head.

“Your ex was a real dick” I tell him “How could you believe that I would have treated you like that too?”.

“I-I don’t know baby, it was just that you were saying a lot of things that he told me too and I feared that he was right, that I’m not lovable at all…” He says while raising his head and looking at me with a guilty but cute expression.

I smile.

“You’re more than lovable baby, and even if sometimes I can be a bit of a shit, I’m not that kind of guy…” I gently say while stroking again his cheek “Indeed I’m better, and I think also prettier!” I then add, to make him laugh a little.

“You are better for sure honey…” and he kisses me.

It’s a soft kiss, sweet and so full of love, and I’m so happy that he finally decided that not kissing me it’s not a good choice at all.

“So, just to clarify, you made me spend an awful Christmas cause your ex-boyfriend was a dick?”  
He laughs again in response, while saying “ _yes”_ and so definitely stopping crying.

“I’m really offended!” I say while sounding anything but offended for real “I have to punish you then!” and so I start tickling his belly.

“N-No! Please Gee! Stop!”

But I really don’t think I’ll stop, not now that we finally managed to clarify the situation and I understood why my Frank is so eager to hear me say I care about him.

“You promise not to hate me anymore?”  
“I promise Gee, stop now!” He says while laughing like a child and so making me laugh a little too.

I then decide to stop torturing him, cause he’s literally choking, and I decide to kiss him again, just to make him sure I’m not like his previous boyfriend.

“He was an idiot… He had you, and he let you go! H didn’t understand how lucky he was…” I say on his lips “I really want to punch him…” and I kiss him another time.

“Someone’s jealous?” He asks me barely laughing between kisses.

“Well, yes, I mean! Maybe a little…” I obviously blush like an idiot after saying that, feeling so stupid because I’m jealous of someone who’s not part of my baby’s life anymore.

“You’re a dork Gee Gee…”  
“Oooh look who’s talking!” And we start laughing again.

I really hope we have finally clarified what was wrong and how much I care about him, cause I really couldn’t bear this situation anymore.

“Love you Gee…”  
_I just need to do one more thing for him, and then everything will be perfect again._

*********

After that day, we finally managed to return to our previous life, kissing and laughing whenever there was an opportunity to do that and I’ve ever felt happier.

We had our own Christmas, just two days after, as the twenty-seven of December we decided to bake the famous cake my mother was used to cook in this period, but we obviously failed and burnt the whole cake.

We also decided to take a walk, as it had been snowing for two days straight, and his happy face when he saw how much snow there was, was the cutest thing ever. We played with the snowballs like two children, and I still don’t understand how we ended up arguing and fighting just for an asshole who broke my baby’s heart.

I really care about Frank _, maybe even too much_ , but when he was pressing me to admit I’m in love, I felt so anxious that it seemed more like an obligation than a sweet and nice thing. I know it wasn’t his intention to pressure me, but indeed I felt bad and the worst boyfriend ever.

“What type of guitar was it?”  
“I-I don’t know…”

Today I decided to finally put and end to this dark period, and start again to be happy and do _“couple things”_ like he loves, and for this reason I decided to buy him a gift

I finally managed to find a small and unknown music shop that is open even if today is the twenty-nine of December, but the impression I gave to the boy in the shop, isn’t good at all.

“How can I help you if you don’t give me more information?”  
He is right, but unfortunately I don’t know a shit about guitars and musical instruments in general. I was just able to convince Frank to let me go out, but I totally forgot to look at his old broken guitar.

“It was kind of destroyed I-I don’t think it could have helped you anyway.”  
Indeed the poor guitar is more than broken, and according to what Frank told me, he literally knocked it on the ground repeatedly, until someone saw him and asked if everything was okay.

“I was a little bit upset I think…” He said with a shy laugh, trying to protect his position.

“I know man, but I can’t help you if don’t help me.” The boy tells me, with a little smile on his lips.

“I think it was a classic one…?”  
“Yeah, I know, but I really need some information more.”  
In the end I manage to recognize a model that was similar to the one Frank had, even if I’m not sure at all about my choice.

“I guess you broke the guitar, right?” He asks me while looking at the price.

“Oh, no, he broke it, I mean, we argued a little and then it simply happened…” he looks at me with an understanding smile, and then he asks me “Boyfriend, right?” leaving me speechless and with two red cheeks.

“Yeah, he is…” I simply say in the end with a nervous smile, feeling embarrassed and wanting to leave that place as soon as possible.

By then I’m sure I have a _“gay face”_ , since I don’t really know how the boy understood Frank is my boyfriend and not just a friend.

“Here you go man, hope he would like it, even if I know that with a gift like this, he will love you for the rest of your life!” He says in the end, making me blush even more and making me regret a little coming in this place.

I spent all of my remaining money, I just have around seven dollars left, but I’m so proud of my gift and I know he will adore it. I have to admit that I missed him playing, as I got used to that and as I know how much he cares about music.

I want to make him forget about his ex, I want to make him understand that I’m not like him and that I won’t hurt him anymore, as we are made for each other. I won’t lie, in the beginning I thought a lot about us, about our couple, and I was also a little bit scared. Indeed, I immediately found it strange how quickly I got attached to him, how our fight broke my heart and made me think about all the possible solutions to have him back, so I finally convinced myself that I care a lot about him and that it's worth it for him.

I walk quickly towards home, since I want to see his face when I give him the guitar and since it's freezing cold, so thinking about home and Frank’s hugs are two good reasons to hurry up.

There are very few people, since I think that everyone is home celebrating with their family, so that there is a silence never heard before.

I decide to take advantage of this situation, and I stop for a moment to smoke a cigarette I stole from Frank’s pack before leaving home. I put the guitar on the ground for a moment, paying attention not to step on it, and I light my cigarette. I unfortunately got the bad habit of smoking and I both love but also hate it, since I know it’s a toxic thing, but I can’t explain how relaxing and rewarding is smoking a cigarette.

“Are you lost honey?”

When I’m about to finally start smoking, I hear Frank’s voice asking me that, and I can't say I didn't get scared a little.

“My God Frank! Stop scaring me!”  
“Nah, it’s too easy to do that!” he says while walking towards me “And you also have something mine…” he adds, while picking the cigarette I have between my fingers and smoke it.

I roll my eyes in response.

“You were following me?” I ask while hugging him.

“Depends on what you mean…” he says while placing the cigarette in front of my lips and so making me smoke too “I saw you picking all of your money before leaving home and I wanted to see what you had in mind” he adds while smoking again and looking at the ground “And it was the right decision following you” he finally says, while picking the guitar from the ground.  
“I wanted to surprise you…” I say smiling a little “You shouldn't have followed me.”  
“I had to, as now you will turn around and return the guitar to the shop.”

I look at him with a very confused expression.

“What do you mean?”  
He gently kiss my cheek and smiles at me.

“I mean that I don’t need a guitar, moreover an expensive guitar, since you are the best Christmas gift ever and I will buy the guitar by myself.”

“B-But you broke it an-”

“Sssssht…” he says on my lips “Don’t need it baby” and he starts to walk towards the shop.

“No wait! Frank it was my gift!”  
Useless to say that he comes first, walking in the shop and placing the guitar on the counter.  
“Good afternoon, I want to return this guitar.”

I see the boy frowning in response, but as soon as he looks at me, he immediately smiles and understands who Frank is.

“You’re his boyfriend, right?”

“Exactly…” he says while smiling “And I don’t need a new guitar, even if it is very good one.”  
I decide to interrupt this strange show by walking to the counter too and say what I think.

“You’re not returning anything Frank, I decided to use my money to buy a new guitar and you have to accept it” I say placing a hand on the guitar’s case “It was my choice.”  
“Of course it was, but I broke it by myself cause I’m a dickhead, so you don’t have to spend your money to buy me an expensive guitar.” He replies, smiling at me, but I’m irremovable.

“No, I told you I wa-”

“Ssssshht!” he puts a finger on my lips “I loved your intention, but I don’t need it honey” he adds, making me understand that it’s useless to make him reason.

“So you want money back or…?” The shop’s boy asks with a confused expression.

“Yes please, we want money back.”  
“You want!” I say looking at him with a fake angry expression and crossing my arms, while I look at his hand taking all my money.

“Thank you so much, I think we’ll see each other soon, bye!” He said at the poor boy, while taking my hand and leaving the shop.

“You didn’t have to-”  
But he interrupts me by kissing me, as I understood that he loves to stop me with kisses.

“I had to my love…” he says while looking at me with lovingly eyes “I had to since you don’t need to buy me something to make me love you or to make me understand that you are sorry, cause we have clarified, I don’t need a guitar to know that you care about me.” he adds not losing his smile, and gently stroking my cheek.

He’s right, I know he is, but I really wanted to buy him a new guitar, I don’t think it is so strange to spoil a little your boyfriend.

I pout a little in response, since I truly believed it was the right thing to do.

“B-But I-”

“It’s okay Gee…” And he kisses me again, making me smile and already forget about the guitar, _even if the real gift was another one..._

“Can I at least give you my other gift…?” I ask him a little bit afraid and stressed about what I’m going to do.

“Oh baby! Another one? You don’t need to buy me gifts, really, it doesn’t matter!”  
I feel my heart pounding like crazy in my chest, cause I perfectly know it isn’t a material gift butI hope he will like it anyway.

“And what is this new gift? We have to return also this one or-”

“I-I love you Frank.” I finally admit with two red cheeks and feeling embarrassed beyond all limits.

“What…?”

I try to breathe deeply in order to relax, and then I explain him what I mean.

“I think I fell in love with you … don’t know, maybe two weeks after we met? Cause you’re so special Frank a-and you are the first one who decided to become my friend even if I’m not that nice and I know that” I lower my eyes to the ground “B-But then you pressure me to tell you I’m in love and it’s okay! Now it’s clear why you wanted it, but in this way I returned the same old Gerard afraid of his feelings and people in general, so I was stuck, I couldn’t say that, a-and we fought” I take another deep breath “But now we’re okay, I know why you were so eager of hearing me saying I’m love with you, and so I can finally tell you that not only am I in love with you, but I think I love you too, a-and I know, we met a short time ago after all, but who cares? Who decides when two people need to tell each _other ‘I love you’_? I can finally tell you, since I was so scared too in these days, because you are the only thing that no one told me to do, I mean, you are my first real choice, I choose to host you and to become your friend and in the end, it was worth it, cause you’re the best thing happened to me…” I say in the end, proud of myself and waiting for him to say something.

_But he didn’t say anything._

“Umh… are you okay Frank…? I-I didn’t mean to-”

But then he immediately hugs me, laughing in the meanwhile and even if it isn’t a real answer, I love it with all my heart.

“It means that you are happy about what I told you…?” I ask him, not interrupting the hug and smiling like crazy.

“It means that it was sappy as fuck, but that I’m so happy you have hosted me Gee Gee…”

“Oh well!” I loosen the hug “You practically forced me!”  
“Shut up, you idiot…” and he closes my mouth with his own one.

I really don’t know why and when I decided that Frank was worth it, that I had to completely change my life for him, but I’m so glad it happened.

I don’t regret the fact that I’m not a student anymore, that I’m not the perfect guy anymore, that now I pay attention to the distractions, one in particular, because life it’s a thousand times better now that I have tried what does it mean to have someone’s to share it with.

_My favourite kind of distraction loves me, and I couldn't have asked for more._


	21. Chapter 21

_I remember when Frank finally decided to buy a new guitar, the one I had bought him before, and I remember how happy he was and how he kissed me in front of the poor shop’s boy, and I also sure remember how embarrassed I felt._

_I remember when he wrote a song for me and I also remember that when he played that for me, I cried like a little kid, repeating how much I loved him._

_I remember when we finally decided to say his parents which was my address and I remember when they came here, I also remember his mother saying how much he missed him and his father saying he had finally forgiven him._

_I remember when we went to my ex-school’s play of spring, and I remember how at the end we booed my ex-classmates while laughing like crazy, running out of the room hand in hand._

_I remember when we made love for real for the first time, I remember how good I felt and how we spent the rest of the night kissing and cuddling, too tired and lazy to get up and wash ourselves._

_I remember when we finally played a song together in the same place Frank used to play when we met, and I remember how everyone told us that we were amazing._

_I remember when we both went in front of my school and waited for Trevor, and I remember how in the end we both spit at him and then we ran away laughing and hoping he wouldn’t catch us._

_I remember when he helped me to find a job, exactly in the restaurant in front of the place he works in, and I remember how he convinced me that I would have been perfect as a waiter, even if I’m shy and anxious._

_I remember when I gave him a blowjob for the first time and I remember how in the end he told me that he was right, that my lips were perfect and skilled, and I also remember how I blushed like a dork after that._

_I remember when we had our first shower together, I remember laughing, I remember feeling alive, I remember feeling happy and finally complete._

_I remember when I took him out to dinner for the first time and I remember his happy and loving expression when I proposed a toast to us._

_I remember when we fucked on the dining table, I remember the lust, the scratches on his back, and I remember how in the end he whispered out of breath in my ear “you’re so wild Gee Gee” and so I remember how I blushed profusely._

_I remember when he opened the door just in his underwear believing it was some annoying neighbor, but finding out they were my parents come to see how my new life was going._

_I remember when we argued again, but this time because I was in a very bad time and I was used to criticize my physical appearance, calling me fat. I remember when that night he cuddled me, and the cuddles quickly became sex, and I remember him whispering a “you’re beautiful” in my ear before falling asleep._

_I remember when he got sick, I remember staying up all night to check his body temperature, and I remember how scared I felt when the day after I had to call the doctor since the situation only got worse. I remember kissing his forehead while he was sleeping, and I remember the relief while feeling he finally wasn’t hot anymore._

_I remember his jealousy when a girl asked me my number while I was at work, I remember how I told him I didn’t gave it to her, but I sure also remember how that night he showed me who I belonged to…_

_I remember when we celebrated our first anniversary, I remember his eyes full of joy when I sang a sappy love song for him, but I also remember how I cried again when he sang for me too._

_I remember when we tried to make love in the shower, but I remember how in the end we abandoned the idea after I almost slipped because of the soap._

_I remember when he told me he prepared a “sexy surprise” for my birthday, but I remember coming home that evening and finding him sleeping on the sofa, and so I also remember how I kissed his cheek and decided that the sexy surprise could wait._

_I remember when we were locked out of the house because he lost the keys, I remember how angry I felt, but I also remember how in the end he found them in the side pocket of his jacket._

_I remember when he brought me with him to the tattoo shop to see him tattoo a little G in a heart on his wrist, but I remember how I almost passed out after seeing the needle._

_I remember when we broke the bed after a “very active night”, and I remember him laughing like crazy while I blushed feeling ashamed, but I also remember him whispering in my ear “told you you’re wild my love…” and so making me blush even more._

_I remember when we played in front of my ex-school and my professor congratulated us, saying that I had talent, and I remember him saying he missed me, but I also remember feeling nothing but pity for him._

_I remember a lot of things, as I don’t remember others, but I surely remember now and how my heart warms after seeing Frank entering the restaurant I work in._

_“Hi baby!” he tells while coming towards me “Are you ready?” he adds while quickly kissing me._

_“I’m more than ready!” I tell him, while waving goodbye to my boss and leaving hand by hand with my Frank to go to that concert we've been waiting for so long._

_“Missed you Gee, it was a very hard day at work, My God!”  
I remember this moment, as I will always remember how beautiful my life is now that Frank entered it, and how I can’t picture a life without him anymore._

_I remember feeling alive, and I remember finally finding my place in the world, and my place is and will always be Frank._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you soon,  
> Isa :*


End file.
